A will is the first step, and we still don't have one.  It wouldn't be a hard thing to do since we don't have that much and only have one child.  Need to get that done. 

I've played the scene out in my head many times.  I've asked DH what to do with our basement full of electronics that I have no idea how to operate and how to stop the monthly gaming fees that are charged to our credit card.  He told me to call his best friend because he could help me sell the equipment and he knows all the passwords to his games and can stop the fees being charged.  I let his friend know all of this so he would be prepared.

Our home should be paid for in four more years so I should still have a roof over my head.  DH has two life insurance policies: one we pay on monthly and one through work, same as I do, but he's worth more than I am!  I would get rid of Directv and upgrade my cable to get the channels I want. No movie channels are needed.  I would clear out the basement of all the electronics, videos, cds, dvds.  I'm thinking that taking it to the "I Sold It on E-Bay" store is the best bet for me.  I would love to move back to my hometown and buy a small two bedroom house, but if DD is in school (she's only 3 now), I wouldn't want to move her unless she was okay with that.  It's only 20 minutes from where we are now (in DH's hometown). 

Both my parents are still living right now.  If my dad should pass away and then my DH pass away and my mom and myself were still living, I'd like to sell my house and DD and I would move in with my mom and split the bills with her.  She has plenty of house for three people to live in and I could move back to the house I grew up in! I've already told her that's what I would like to do.

DH and I have been together since we were 15.  We've been together almost 20 years.  We can be apart all day, everyday, but I can't imaging not knowing that he's coming home to sleep at night, ever again.  I know I would make it, but it would be tough.

Hello,

 

I don't post much here, but read a lot almost every day. 

 

Yes, Whitney, it is tough, but you would make it.  I met my sweetheart when I was 16, and after his stint in the Army for 3 years we married when I was 19 and he was 20.   We went on to have 6 children, the last one having Down syndrome born when I was 39.  We were married for 41 years when one day he came home from work (had our own mom and pop plumbing business) with chest pain.  Refused to let me call 911, but died in our home within a few hours of a heart attack at the age of 62.  It was the shock of my life.  Instantly I was alone without the one I loved and counted on daily.  All our children are grown and I have 5 grand children.  The children are scattered around, with two living within 25 miles of me.  My youngest with DS still lives with me.  I worked when I was younger doing secretarial work, and took time to squeeze in a Bachelor's degree in Business Management while raising the kids, but when we started the plumbing business I stayed home and did all the book work as well a home schooling all the children.  For whatever reasons DH had, he would never get life insurance.  He always had better use for the money, he'd say, like raising 6 kids.  Now that he is gone, it was 4 years this past Christmas (he passed away 4 days after Christmas 2004), my daughter and I are still able to maintain our lives as they were before because we each have social security survivors.  It isn't near as much as when DH was alive and working, but we do much less now that it's just the 2 of us.  DD has always had medicaid and 2 years ago the government put her on Medicare.  Now, I am going on Medicare in 2 months (showing my age here), so our medical bills are not that great.  Our home was paid for so I didn't have any debt. I guess you could say that DH paying for our home was the life insurance he planned.  I guess it's all in how you look at it.  I am unable to go out to work as I do not have the skills needed for work in this day and age and then who would hire someone my age.  Having my DD at home and caring for her is a full time job in itself.  Having grown children living elsewhere leaves me with no one to care for her if I should leave every day for work.  So, we exist on SS.  I have always been frugal and I really enjoy "penny pinching".  I like to see how far I can make the money stretch, and I think I've done a really good job of it.

 

I can not imagine, even after 4 years, any man filling the spot that my DH filled for 41 years.  We had our ups and downs as all marriages do, but we were everything to each other.  Life as a single lady with a handicapped child (25 years old) is now my life.  Learning to be independent was difficult since I was always so very dependent on DH.  We still have our days of grieving, especially DD as it's so hard for her to understand why her Daddy is gone.  After the tears on some days, we start to get back into the "swing of things" and try to be grateful for our time together and live with our memories of all those years we had with her Dad.  I'm thankful that she can remember her Dad as she was 21 when he passed away.  She talks about him every day without fail and sometimes the tears flow and other times she says, "don't have Dad but happy for Mom." 

 

Wow, didn't mean to go on and on like this.  But, wanted to tell you all that it's so important to prepare for the future and widowhood.  We did have a will for which I was thankful so that probate went smoothly because everything (house, car, truck, etc.) went to me as the surving spouse.  Be thankful for each day that you have with your spouse and cherish it.  But, be prepared because none of us knows when God will tell us it's time to go home. 

 

Thanks for listening,

Angelrose  (DH called me his Angel and we both loved and always grew roses)

I think "Angelrose" and I live parallel lives.

My husband of nearly 40 years also died unexpectedly & suddenly of a heart attack.

He never thought it necessary to buy life insurance; however, he left me debt free.

It has been nearly 5 years for me.  Suddenly learning to be "independent" has been quite the experience (he did everything for me--including working so I could be a SAHM).

When I was in the worst depth of grief, my elderly mother moved in with me; since she disliked my husband, my hurt & grief were more profound.

I am still working, and I really don't have a reason to retire--even though my Medicare begins in a month.

At any rate, this whole experience has taught me (financially) to return to a time when my kids were still young; I do tend to be somewhat frugal, but there are also things I just don't have the time or expertise to do by myself.

I like to think that my faith is very strong, but there are many days I am scared to death of the future--mostly will I have sufficient money without working to meet my expenses.

With the age of my mother (95), and people living longer, it really scares me.

Judy

we been married 34 years we have everything in place.. My DH is 16 years old that I am  ( a few years ago he had cancer. when it looked bad he made sure it is taken care of .. I have MS and I made arrangements..

my DH is my heart, my soul mate, my best friend, life would be very scary for me but I would be ok ... 

 

mamasjob:

Plan for the worst, hope for the best.

 

I am a whopping 6 months older than DH, but I am in much better health, & we both expect me to outlive DH.  With the exception of a will, everything else is in place.  He balks at making one, & we really don't have enough of an "estate" for it to matter.  We do not live in a community property state, so everything like the house & cars are jointly owned with both names on the title. The 401Ks have beneficiaries named, and the bank account is joint.  

We have a good life insurance policy on DH from his work, & a small one from his previous employment that we carried forward because it is enough to pay off the mortgage on this home & to pay for a decent burial.

I work as an RN part-time & if I needed to, I could pick up the insurance at work to cover myself. 

I have watched several friends lose a spouse & remarry, but I cannot see myself doing that.  Neither of them had a way to support themselves independently, & I do.  DH & I have been married for 32 years, & honestly, I think it would be easier to go it alone than to break in a new partner.

Same here   hope for the best and plan well.  though we are bad for not having a will.  our rrsps are changed to us being each other beneficiaries. house is in both our names.  cars arent but they are old and not worth much so doesn't really much.

both of us have $250,000 life insurance and dh has insurance though work too  2yrs salary I think.  we have insurance on the line of credit too. so the mortage and debt would be gone.   dh would be worse off because he doesn't really think about running a household with kids.  buying clothes etc.   working and making dinner, planning etc. 

we have been together for 20yrs and can't see marrying someone else but  who knows, it would depend when it happened.  I am 44.   but I have no plans of it!

Jane_b,

I'm in the same situation and feel the same way. Hubby is 11 years older than me, a smoker (wish he'd kick that "habit") and has lived a hard life. Also, his dad died at only 50, leaving behind my hubby's little brother who was only 4 at the time. I don't dwell on the idea that he could pass before I do but it is something I think about here and there. I also think, occasionally, about what if he got hurt on the job and couldn't work anymore? He works mostly in plants and doing manual labor. No benefits and no consistent employment. We are hoping that will change soon (job prospect he's been looking in to for a while now but working plant jobs in the mean time)... but I can pretty much always do administrative work if I had to.... but if something happens to hubby (say, back injury or something) then I'd have to be the primary earner. That worries me too but I knwo that I have the work experience and capability to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table.

I would plan financially if we had the finances to play with. LOL. I konw that God would provide and we have wonderful family and friends who would be a great support in any way that htey could. Other than that I, like you, worry a litlte more about the loss of my husband and my children their father. I guess God gives you the strength to deal in that situation but it's hard to imagine going through that wiht my children being little and having to not only explain to them that daddy is gone but having to pull myself together to be strong for them.... depressing...

Have a blessed day,

Julie

For the longest time I've been thinking about this subject. One of the things I don't want is to spend big money on a funeral or services (at least not for me). So I did some checking around and found out that we have two medical teaching hospitals and a Chiropractic college that all take Anatomical donations. The only fee we have to pay is $450 to the funeral home to transport the body directly to the college. That fee includes death certificates and social security notification. When the school is done with the body, they are cremated and buried at a selected site or ashes are released back to the family. I called the college and requested the forms. They need to be signed by two witnesses. This process can be revoked if you change your mind. Most colleges do hold a special memorial service every semester for those bodies that were donated.

I am re-married now, BUT have lost my previous husband suddenly to a heart attack. He did NOT have a will, and had to go through the legal muddle of asset distribution, etc. He was 20 years older than myself, and I was quite surprised that he didn't want to have or deal with setting up an estate.

The other horrible part is that newly widowed folks sometimes are forced to make huge decisions during their most vulnerable times. If there is any kernel of wealth I could offer in advice is simple, be prepared. Care enough about each other to create a simple will. It is extremely easy to do, and legal will kits can be bought in any stationary store for a song. All you need do is enter the information, then get it notarized. This simple act makes all the difference in the world in terms of eliminating the legal runaround, if you will.

Another good advice is to make sure you do NOT make BIG decisions for at least 6 months to a year after your spouses death. One's mind is totally not clear enough to make the best of choices.
There is a book out, I believe the name is Life Without Him....or some similar name. It tells you step by step info on how to get along from day 1.

Hope this helps..........

Hugs to anyone who has gone thru this....

J

I am 35 and dh is 37 but he is a truck driver so he is always at risk on the road. The only things we have in place right now is he has life insurance:$85k or double if accident on job. Our house is paid for,PTL, and we have an insurance policy on our car loan that would pay it off should anything happen to either of us. I don't have any life insurance at this time. I am also the benefiary of his 401k, which isnt much due to the recession, but it would pay almost a  years worth of bills should anything happen, after withdrawal penalty of course!