Well, I need to rant and rave and the subject is "my Husband".  We have 5 boys and we are in a much better financial position that his married siblings.  My problem is that whenever we have an outing he pays for movie tickets, food, gas, entertainment etc.  I think he does too much.  On the other hand his sisters have taken vacations, got implants, have nice clothing, don't have nice homes or can afford kids braces (go figure). Braces that my husband will get for these kids.

I feel that I have sacrificed and pinched pennies for about 10 years while we were building a business, having children, and lived much tighter than them and now he is kind hearted and giving but it drives me nuts.  I have savings and I feel I need to hide the $$$ from him.  He said he won't touch it but if we need  to pay bills it will be spent.  His brother works for the business.  His brother made bad choices and lives paycheck to paycheck while he drives a brand new truck for $700 a month. He feels his brother has earned this and that so he provides extras for him and his children and stepchildren.

So as you see, money sometimes is not what brings happiness.  It can be a curse.

I hope I feel better tomorrow.

 I hope you feel better tomorrow also, issues like these have no easy answers, please know that you are not alone. : )

Have you spoken to him about the way it makes you feel? Don't blame him or accuse. You have to use "I" language or he will get defensive. It seems that you feel he is enabling them and I agree with you.

 If you enable someone then they never are forced to find a solution to their issues. What will happen to them should your husband become insolvent or worse? Who will prop them up then?

 When you say you are better off financially, does he make more than they do or do you have more available cash because you are frugal enough to save it up? If you are going without things his siblings enjoy to save that money he gives them, I would be very upset in your place.

Maybe a compromise can be made on how giving he is.

 Your husband sounds like he is a really nice guy.  It also sounds like he feels some unhelathy level of obligation to care for his family.  He's the oldest son maybe? Are his parents deceased?  Not that it matters really.  It also sounds as if he is not in touch with the reality of any of your persoanal money struggles like what bills are due etc...  It sounds like he has confidence in you that you'll make it all work out.   His caring nature and generous personality are such good traits, except when it is misguided, as your husband's seems to be. I hate to sound cliche' but counseling is helpful to facilitate and direct open communication and help to get on the same page.  Also, I found Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University helpful for my husband and I to find common ground concerning money.  We now have shared goals and that is great.  I really hope you feel better!

You are all so understanding of both sides.  Thanks for your replies. 

Yes my husband is the oldest sibling.  He is caring and good natured in that sense.  He is a really nice guy.  Yes we make more money than the rest of his siblings but it wasn't always the case.  Our businesses have struggled in the beginning and nobody rescued us nor I expected it either. 

My position is that we have 5 boys who will need college education and money for their missions (we are mormon).  Yes, my boys will work but I want to be able to help them too, to get started.  I didn't have help so I know how hard it is to be on your own.  I grew up in Latin America with a divorced mom who saved every penny because the economy is very unstable there. I feel that my husband needs to save his money, have some fun but with self control.  I don't think he should finance these outings either.  He should be saving for retirement, paying the house off, etc. 

I have talked to him but I get emotional about it and we argued.  He says that I am selfish and not a charitable person, that he gives me everything, that I'm just like my mother etc.,etc., that I shouldn't judge his family.. that he is building a house for us and he works so hard etc etc. so I'm the bad guy.  I will try financial peace and maybe he will listen.  Thanks for that idea.

 Carmina

Ahhh Mormon values says much about his desire to help his family. And in today's world, such compassion for others and family loyalty is becoming more rare. My following words are for you in hopes that they help you to see a way to gently discuss your feelings and concerns without an argument.

How does he feel about the teachings on self sufficiency? I have found from experience that when friends rely too much on our assistance they become dependent on us rather than working on developing skills that allow them to save and prepare for their own futures. Help and compassion are good things but encouraging dependence is not. 

I have never beeen married, nor am I a Christian (I am a religious Jew), so have no right to weigh in here, but still wish to say:  Is it from Scriptures that a pop group (name forgotten) took the words, "And a man shall leave his mother, & a woman leave her home" when they marry?  My darling brother & I are so tightly close because we neither have parents, spouses, or other blood siblings.  But when a man has a wife, POSSIBLY it may be from Scriptures that the new nuclear family has precedence over the prior one?  I don't know about Christian homes.  In Jewish homes, the PARENTS of each spouse must be cared for supremely ("Honor thy father & thy mother."), but NOT the siblings of the original nuclear family.  That's not to say that Jewish families ignore aunts, uncles, &  cousins, far from it, but money is to be spent first to keep the new nuclear family from insolvency.  I could go on & on, but think that this post is arrogant enough, my being  neither Christian nor married.

That works if everyone is on the same page. (i.e. Jewish, same flavor Christian etc) Not many families are.

Money is usually a symptom of another problem. Get to the heart of things. there has to be a middle ground.

 I loved this advise about using "I" language.  So if I remember those lessons correctly, you might say  "I feel upset, insecure, angry, frightened" as opposed to "you are such a big jerk!" in order to communicate well and avoid arguing.  An older book that helped me very much on the topic of communication in marriage is called Truth Talk and Telling Each Other The Truth.  Both books are written by the author whose last name is Backus.  They have one in our small town library, so it is probably easily accessible .