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Divorce Thread

Last post Wed, Sep 10 2008 11:38 AM by Deborahmichelle. 15 replies.
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  • Sat, Aug 30 2008 10:35 AM

    Divorce Thread

    From one of the responses in another thread here, I got an idea to start this thread. So please share anything/everything regarding Divorce from the Frugal Perspective.

    Thank You.

    Vijay 

  • Sat, Aug 30 2008 11:05 PM In reply to

    • Mimi
    • Top 100 Contributor
    • Joined on Sun, May 4 2008
    • Posts 993

    Re: Divorce Thread

    I'm very sorry if you're in the process of going through a divorce!  That can be an incredibly painful time!

    Not to be discouraging, but it's hard to think of frugal and divorce in the same sentence. Lawyer's fees, court costs, outrageous childcare costs, and the cost of furnishing, heating/cooling two places instead of one make divorce so much less frugal than marriage. It's one of the top three reasons why people go bankrupt.(Major illness and job loss are the other two.)

    If you fit their guidelines, sometimes Legal Aid will help you.  It doesn't hurt to look into it.

    I've had two very good friends go through it, and I would say their biggest mistakes were getting bad lawyers and signing things when they shouldn't have just to get it over with.  This cost them A LOT more money in the long run. (Going back to court to fix things can be expensive and frustrating.)

    It's such an emotional time and it's hard to know what is best when you're just trying to make it from one day to the next.  Take it one day at a time.  Sometimes it can feel like you'll never breathe again, but you will!

    If you have kids, get a sensible custody agreement.  Try as hard as you can to put your feelings for your soon-to-be-ex aside ASAP for the kids.  Custody battles for spite are a waste of money and only line the pockets of lawyers and emotionally scar kids.  Consistency with both visits and support is very important to kids.

    Hang in there!

    "...for the happy heart, life is a continual feast. Better to have little, with fear for the Lord, than to have great treasure and inner turmoil." Proverbs 15:15b-16 NLT

    The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.--Winston Churchill
  • Sun, Aug 31 2008 12:09 AM In reply to

    Re: Divorce Thread

    Mimi:
    I would say their biggest mistakes were getting bad lawyers and signing things when they shouldn't have just to get it over with.  This cost them A LOT more money in the long run. (Going back to court to fix things can be expensive and frustrating.)
     

     

    Not a bad lawyer but been thru the expense of signing what I shouldn't have and trying to obtain justice afterwards (reason for my loss on the 22nd). 

    Luckily, my divorce was amicable for the most part... if nothing else, just tense (we were residing in the same place, different floors of house). It was post-divorce, and the realization that my ex took advantage that I was sleep deprived and emotional during the divorce process, cost me more. (I don't remember the cost of the lawyers in total).

    If it is just you and the spouse, no kids, there are ways to do cheap divorces. I was told by co-workers that one resource is going through a law school. If its a non complicated divorce they can handle most cases (I found this out after I plunked down $1k). There's also ways of doing it yourself divorces ... via the internet. It's more you find the forms and send them in to the courthouse. So you just have filing fees.

    I'm not confused. I'm just well mixed. ~Robert Frost
    Laziness may appear attractive, but work gives satisfaction. - Anne Frank
    I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13

    Married my Blessing 10-16-10 :)
    Became an Auntie 12-10-10 :)
  • Sun, Aug 31 2008 6:50 AM In reply to

    Re: Divorce Thread

    I am single and NOT married. However, I started this thread as it will be a good learning experience for all here. 

  • Sun, Aug 31 2008 7:07 AM In reply to

    • Mimi
    • Top 100 Contributor
    • Joined on Sun, May 4 2008
    • Posts 993

    Re: Divorce Thread

    Nothing like planning ahead Vijay!  LOL!  Well, I'm glad you're not going through it!  It was so tough to see my friends go through it. I don't wish it on anyone!

    "...for the happy heart, life is a continual feast. Better to have little, with fear for the Lord, than to have great treasure and inner turmoil." Proverbs 15:15b-16 NLT

    The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.--Winston Churchill
  • Sun, Aug 31 2008 8:49 AM In reply to

    Re: Divorce Thread

     If you don't have children or own a home its a lot easier.  In my case, MD requires either $1,500 for a legal separation, or if you maintain different residences for 1 year then you can divorce after that point without a legal separation.  I moved to MA, he stayed in MD.  We'd already separated all the property.  He filed the divorce (I made him, he was the reason for the divorce, he paid for it.)  I got paperwork in the mail telling me he was petitioning for divorce and if I didn't answer the summons he would be granted the divorce. Didn't send anything back, got my decree in the mail three months later.  So it cost me $0. Smile  I think he paid around $2000 total.

  • Sun, Aug 31 2008 1:05 PM In reply to

    Re: Divorce Thread

    When I got divorced in 1994, we had no kids and it was an uncontested divorce - caused largely by my ex's inability to hold a job, and ability to get upset when I got mad about him lying about it, when he lost his 6th job in as many months.... but as a no-fault, no-contest, no-kids divorce, it cost $15 for the forms and $85 for the filing fee; that was it.  That was 14 years ago, however, so I'm sure it's different now.
  • Sun, Aug 31 2008 1:29 PM In reply to

    • happygerl
    • Top 500 Contributor
      Female
    • Joined on Sat, Feb 23 2008
    • Northern Ky right across the river from Cincinnati
    • Posts 83

    Re: Divorce Thread

    My divorce was very hard financially at first,  I am raising two kids with no help financial or otherwise from my ex.  After the shock is over and things settle, I am doing much better financially.  I don't wish divorce on anyone, but you can overcome it and sometimes for the better.

  • Sun, Aug 31 2008 4:52 PM In reply to

    • Toni B.
    • Top 25 Contributor
    • Joined on Sat, Apr 5 2008
    • Seneca Falls NY
    • Posts 3,826

    Re: Divorce Thread

    Having been through a divorce, I agree with all thats been posted here. I think the most cost effective way to handle any relationship is to know what you're getting into ahead of time. If I found myself single again and were interested in pursuing a relationship, I would most definitely do background checks on any serious potential relationship and a pre-nuptual agreement before marriage. Some may argue that my position takes the romance out of a relationship, but anyone who's been divorced can tell you that there is nothing romantic about divorce.
    Officially Recognized Stretchpert in Stages of Life
  • Mon, Sep 1 2008 8:14 AM In reply to

    • Walt34
    • Top 75 Contributor
    • Joined on Mon, Dec 17 2007
    • WV eastern panhandle
    • Posts 1,406

    Re: Divorce Thread

    My divorce was one of the most amicable I've ever heard of. There were no kids and we each had good jobs that paid about the same. But she was a spendthrift and I was thrifty, she couldn't stand to see a dollar in the bank without spending it. After the divorce and I bought a house on my own I maintained a minimum of $2k in savings, that in 1986, even though I was going through the "house poor" stage again. But I knew being "house poor" would be a temporary condition.

    I haven't paid a dime in credit card interest charges since 1983. Absent illness or unexpected job loss, I simply do not understand why that is so hard for so many people. It just takes grade school arithmetic, a pocket calculator, and the will to live within one's means.

    All in all, the divorce cost about $200 for the attorney and court costs. I don't know what her attorney charged her but since it was uncontested I imagine about the same. We sold the house we'd been living in for four years and after expenses each came out with about $7,400. What each one of us did with it is illustrative - I saved it, put $2k into an IRA, and saved an additional $11k in 18 months for a down payment on a house. She immediately spent it on a trip to England with her sister and moved in with a boyfriend who made more money than I did and would take her to a Broadway show in NYC. It's difficult to imagine I was actually fool enough to marry someone that shallow.

    Officially Recognized Stretchpert in Money Management
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