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Materialistic Friend Thread.

Last post Thu, Sep 10 2009 9:30 AM by forginahead. 17 replies.
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  • Mon, Aug 25 2008 4:55 AM

    Materialistic Friend Thread.

    Ever had a materialistic friend get very close to you or had a crush on a person who was materialistic ? Please share here. Can a relationship last between a materialistic person and a Frugal person ?

     Most materialistic folks are busy getting their goals that they can't make time for others, specially with frugal folks it appears.


  • Mon, Aug 25 2008 5:04 AM In reply to

    Re: Materialistic Friend Thread.

    I was married to a guy who was the kind of guy that had to "keep up with the Joneses"... (notice the word WAS). I don't believe that a true relationship or sometimes even a friendship can last if you don't have the same interests. I try to find those who have similar interests as friends (around here not that many). Having a frugal interest, even if they do just baby steps, helps. I know I'll never (ok, maybe I won't say never) find a life partner who will be total environmentalist but if they can support me in doing things I will be happy (and can change themselves in little ways). I now have my eye (and right now it's just that) on a man who's not into materialistic goals, he thinks a part of me is weird on some of the things that I do (digging thru trash for cans sometimes is an example), but accepts me for who I am, and does celebrate little things with me, such as when I find a good deal. 

    I'm not confused. I'm just well mixed. ~Robert Frost
    Laziness may appear attractive, but work gives satisfaction. - Anne Frank
    I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13

    Married my Blessing 10-16-10 :)
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  • Mon, Aug 25 2008 8:34 AM In reply to

    • Mimi
    • Top 100 Contributor
    • Joined on Sun, May 4 2008
    • Posts 993

    Re: Materialistic Friend Thread.

    I think we all exist somewhere on the materialistic/frugal continuum.  As with anything else, I think that the closer people are to each other's values and interests, the better their relationship will be.  Relationships are challenging enough without constantly having to justify one's choices.

    Trust me, if it's a problem now, it will be a problem later.  Examples of issues that arose with my ex....  I value people based on their character.  He values people based on their assets.  I think we should help homeless kids.  He thinks they're lazy.  Holidays and birthdays are about spending time together in my family.  He expected $100+ gifts each time.  I saved money so I could give to my favorite charities.  He's blow it on CDs that had one song he liked.  I have classic clothes that still look nice from years ago.  He'd ruin new clothes within weeks because he wouldn't take care of them.

    All of my good friends share my values. Next time around, I'm only dating someone who shares them too.

    "...for the happy heart, life is a continual feast. Better to have little, with fear for the Lord, than to have great treasure and inner turmoil." Proverbs 15:15b-16 NLT

    The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.--Winston Churchill
  • Mon, Aug 25 2008 8:43 AM In reply to

    • Toni B.
    • Top 25 Contributor
    • Joined on Sat, Apr 5 2008
    • Seneca Falls NY
    • Posts 3,826

    Re: Materialistic Friend Thread.

    Yea...I can give a couple of examples. My ex-husband came from an upper middle class family and I came from poverty. We met while stationed at the same military base. Shortly after we were married, he went about balancing my checkbook and was giddy with excitement when he discovered a hidden reserve of $1000. I knew there was some cash set aside, but he made sure it disappeared. Three years and one child later we were divorced. The child support agreement was $100 a month plus $50 in a college fund. Fast forward, Our son was 17 and out of nowhere the support payments stop. Two months later we get notification that the ex and his wife are in bankruptcy. The college fund which was supposed to be in a John Hancock account doesn't exist. All I could do was thank God we weren't married. He and his wife were living large in San Diego county, the most expensive county in the U.S. at the time. The other person was someone I've known for 40 years and who's in bankruptcy and foreclosure. I understand anyone can get themselves in a bind, its when they fail to learn to learn from their mistakes that gets me. Its like "oh well - no big deal - everybody's declaring bankruptcy." They are still convinced that they will be able to buy another home, get a travel trailer and retire comfortably. You asked if a relationship can work between a materialistic and frugal person. I'd say NO. Both parties have to be on the same page and in agreement about how to handle money. The three biggest reasons for divorce in this country are over money, children and sex.
    Officially Recognized Stretchpert in Stages of Life
  • Mon, Aug 25 2008 11:13 AM In reply to

    • MarthaMFI
    • Top 10 Contributor
    • Joined on Wed, Apr 16 2008
    • New Westminster, BC, Canada
    • Posts 10,850

    Re: Materialistic Friend Thread.

    I think all of us have things we materialistic about, willing to spend money on.  Dh and I are both basically on the same page with money. We like nice things but getting at the best price is more important.   not keeping up with joneses.  We are not friends with keeping up with the joneses people because we don't have anything in common with them.  We aren't going to do the same things or shop all the time. So they dont' want to be friends with us.

       There are a couple of old friends from teenage years that we don't hear from because they are in a high flying lifestyle and we aren't and maybe they don't like the reminder that they weren't from upper class families to begin with. They aren't bad people or in major debt as far as we know.

    Our friends spend money on stuff they are interested in, old cars, tools,pets (birds are expensive) whatever their hobbies are but they earn the money for it. Plus it is one or two areas not fancy hobbies,fancy house and clothes etc. 

    We have made money mistakes lots of times for sure and there is some things about dh that still bug me and vice versa but life together is a journey and we are still in the beginning stages together. 

    Officially recognized Stretchpert in Hobbies and Crafts
  • Mon, Aug 25 2008 12:40 PM In reply to

    Re: Materialistic Friend Thread.

    I have a materialistic friend. She is a dear friend but spends so much time thinking of THINGS. We don't talk about starving children or homeless people or too many pets in shelters or not enough food banks or how Americans are drowning in debt. She likes to talk about what color of carpeting would look best in her bedroom, getting new bedding for the guest room and matching towels for the guest bath, should she have highlights in her hair or where do I find quality children's clothing.

    However, this could be because she is not drowning in debt. Her DH makes $200K a year and they have money to burn.

  • Mon, Aug 25 2008 8:47 PM In reply to

    Re: Materialistic Friend Thread.

    My DD's father is very materialistic; I like stuff, too, but not the way he does.  I remember in our relationship he was always about how he had a nice t.v., Italian leather furniture, the best bed he could afford, the convertable he *had* to have, etc.  It was his first home and he was proud of it, but to a fault.  Later, after the relationship was over, but we were dealing with having a child, he would tell me stuff like how he was eating ramen 4-5 xs a week to afford child support.  Meanwhile he had digital cable, cable internet (when it was new and rather pricey and not in the bundle deal), a phone with every conceivable feature, etc.  It was rather eye-opening for me and I'm glad the relationship didn't progress.

    DH likes nice stuff, but he likes nice stuff at the absolute cheapest price he can get it.  He's willing to wait for it.  For example, he wants a new t.v. stand (we're using an old trunk right now).  We are looking for something that's both somewhat stylish and long-term (wood, not glass & metal), but affordable.  Each week we scan the Sunday ads or when we're out we look around.  We've been looking for several months, but haven't found the one that meets both looks and price.  DH is not afraid to pick through the stuff someone leaves on the curb; he's more than willing to refinish it or fix it up.

    I had a friend in college who had a serious problem with money; she was in CC counseling more than once.  She would plan trips and then start saving for spending money only 2 weeks beforehand... when all her bills were due.  Then couldn't understand why she didn't have more money.  She literally lost money; $80 here or there would fall out of her pocket.  What's worse is I would see her put it in her pocket and then we would get somewhere and it wasn't there.  We didn't stop anywhere so I have no idea where it went.  It happened at least 3 xs that I'm aware of.  The $ thing never tore us apart, but I think it would have later, b/c she was a very instant gratification person and I find I can wait months for the right thing.  I'm not perfect with money (far from it), but I'm glad to know that I'm not in debt and I know it's something she still struggles with immensely.

    Officially Recognized Stretchpert in the General forum
  • Mon, Aug 25 2008 8:55 PM In reply to

    • dlw
    • Top 150 Contributor
    • Joined on Tue, Oct 23 2007
    • Posts 463

    Re: Materialistic Friend Thread.

    I truly believe that people who are into material things have a real void in their lives and are trying desperately to fill it with "things". I know from experience. However, when your value system is intact and your spiritual needs fulfilled that urge to buy goes away.


  • Mon, Aug 25 2008 9:49 PM In reply to

    • Mimi
    • Top 100 Contributor
    • Joined on Sun, May 4 2008
    • Posts 993

    Re: Materialistic Friend Thread.

    Well said, dlw!

    "...for the happy heart, life is a continual feast. Better to have little, with fear for the Lord, than to have great treasure and inner turmoil." Proverbs 15:15b-16 NLT

    The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.--Winston Churchill
  • Mon, Aug 25 2008 10:11 PM In reply to

    Re: Materialistic Friend Thread.

    Thanks for all the great comments. They are a good learning experience. From all the info. in this thread so far, can we conclude that the High Rate of today's divorce is from materialism and if most folks were frugal, then this high divorce rate will not exist ? 

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