bluesong:

Do you always believe anything you hear or read? Ever hear of the old saying " believe nothing of what you hear and half of what you see." Remember there are always two sides of every story, we are only "hearing" one side.

To everyone: 

That's a very good reason for all this moralizing and opinionizing to stop. No one here knows the whole story and no one should be passing judgement on something they know nothing about.  I've sat on my hands the last few days waiting to see how this would play out, but it's become clear that those who criticize, on both sides, are heading for a serious clash.

Let's just quit while the quitting's good. No more judgmental posts from anyone.  

actually on a dr phil show about discovering that the kids aren't yours. (middle kids too not just the oldest) that the rate of kids with different fathers in which the father didn't know he wasn't the father is a lot higher then you think.  and this is in longer term marriages not fly by night relationships.   and things like this have been going on for generations. Unless the women slept with a man of a different race she doesn't have to fess up until now with the dna tests.

I would wait for a dna test too before supporting the child with her history and now they know and are trying to do the right thing.    actually she reminds me of a couple other people I know. 

I don't know how many moms I have run in to since having kids that have 2 kids with different fathers within 1 to 2 yrs of each other.  not saying they are bad people or that they aren't supporting and taking care of the kids. 

just I personally can see having a baby and then get knockedup with a different guys one  a couple of mths down the road.  I dont' think dh got anywhere near me for 4mths lol.  and if I had broken up with the father, I wouldn't looking for a new guy 2 minutes later.  who would have the energy with a newborn!  speaking as a older mom at least.  my personal view.

just like people who feel that it is ok to have 3 kids under 5 and go on welfare who are basically nice and take care of the kids, no abuse etc. must be nice not to worry about supporting yourself and do what you want. 

I think it is great that the dna tests are there now.  and I am all for doing the right thing.  I know a couple of guys who have run off  across country or to a different country because the ex was too difficult but they didn't want full custody because that was too hard.  these were married people etc.   then they get sad hearing about our kids.  my dh has more sympathy but I say tough they can answer to their kids when they are adults on why they bailed out of their lifes.  and I am not saying the ex's weren't difficult but they could be controlled by court orders etc.  one does pay child support.    lessons on being very careful on who you marry!

arianasilver:

latte4me2day:

in your "sex ed" to your children, make sure you tell them both a MAN or WOMAN can be raped, and people who are raped can have babies too

That and the fact that promiscuity is a given these days, and there's no way to tell if a baby is really yours unless:

1.) You're the woman.2.) You know the woman isn't promiscuous.3.) You have a paternity test.

It seems pretty obvious from Latte's description that the woman can hold a job but refuses too and is using her children for sympathy and money. I'm suprised by fact that people expect Frank to "pony up" for a child that he didn't even know for sure was his until the paternity test came back.  Lets be honest, she has 3 children with 3 fathers. Do you really think if you were in his shoes you would automatically assume the child was yours? I know I wouldn't.

Its one thing to get laid off and can't make the bills.  Its another to not step up and get a job when you need to support your kids.  I don't care if its McDonald's or a greeter at Walmart. My mother worked two when she was a single mom, while my father paid less than $100 a month in child support.  So to say that a woman needs "6 months of recovery" when most go back to work after 4-6 weeks of leave (even when you have a C-section) is a little unreasonable, don't you think?  It sounds more like she's a leech on society that plans to take advantage of the welfare system by popping out a spawnling every 1-2 years. 

 

thank you!!! we were starting to feel like the place we felt welcome at (here at the dollar stretcher) was no longer a welcome, caring place with people who had hit rough spots in life too.....to only feel as if it was all our fault, and that we are just great big screw ups, and irresponsible lazy worthless people.....at least with you ariana we know we have at least ONE supporting voice behind us

Sorry, Pat. I've deleted most of my posts out of this thread.  Only Latte knows the whole situation. Its a bit disheartening when someone comes to us for help and instead gets a backlash about what her SO did/didn't do.

latte4me2day:

at least with you ariana we know we have at least ONE supporting voice behind us

100%  You can PM or email me. I'm set-up for it to go straight to my personal email from the Stretcher site if you need someone to talk to.  I'm staying out of this thread from now on, though.

 My apolagies latte-

Nothing that I said was meant as a personnal assault, however, I do not think it fair for the mothers character being attacked when we may not have been  provided all the details and information as she views it.   Disagreeing with your view is not a lack of support, it is a matter of showing alternatives that may be out there in an attempt to allow you to make a healthy, informed decision that will be best for you, Frank, the mother and the children.  I can't speak for everyone, but I think you are a valued member of this community and I hope that this thread will not effect how often we see you!

AmyC:

  I can't speak for everyone, but I think you are a valued member of this community and I hope that this thread will not effect how often we see you!

i will probably not be posting very much any more because i REALLY felt attacked here as a member, and so did Frank as he held me while i cried  because my "friends" here werent shoulders to cry on, in turn we were verbally attacked

pat if needed delete this thread as i dont feel like i can come here for support anymore

Latte, I'll be praying for you that things work out for the best, whatever that may come to be.  

 I'm sorry that you feel that way, however I doubt that that was anyones intention.   I wish you the best of luck and hope that this will work out to a situation that will be better for everyone involved.

Now, Latte, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE understand that we Forumites love each other & love you.  I don't understand why this thread got so mean.  I hope & pray that you didn't take amiss the little bit that I said.  I think, though, that one of the problems was that 2 different families were being discussed in one thread, & some of the ideas that should have been directed about family A got read as being directed about family B.  I am praying that you will forgive us,  Latte, & allow us to have your shining  presence.  Yours in Him, Deb