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homeless babies

Last post Sun, Aug 24 2008 3:17 PM by latte4me2day. 62 replies.
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  • Sun, Aug 17 2008 1:01 PM

    homeless babies

    So life has been fairly hectic for us.....we found out on Thursday that frankensteins ex girlfriends baby is actaully his (she had been sleeping with the guy across the street----so we didnt believe it till dna tests came back) So great theres a baby to love who is 6 months old----but theres massive issues going on...

    We go to meet the baby for the first time(hes adorable by the way --thursday aug 14) and the mother (ex girlfriend) informs us "im gettting ready to go live in the homeless shelter on saturday" WTF????? why is this happening? She hadnt paid rent at all in 6 months!!!

    We got the baby on Friday for a few hours (all that she would allow us to see the baby), frankenstein offered to have HIS baby come live with us.....she didnt say anything no yes or no, but agreed to letting us have him for a few hours on Saturday(even shorter then friday---3 hours total, after she was an hour late for us to pick him up)

    So today, we get the baby, adn we still ahve to take him back to his mother---she REFUSES to let us have the b aby so the baby isnt in the homeless shelter(the baby --not her) but she does agree to let us have him from 8am to 5 pm on Tuesday(aug19)

    ........child protective services says "as long as the baby has shelter, the homeless shelter is fine for a child" wtf?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! how is a homeless shelter BETTER then with dad and in a home????

    So since apparently child protective services says "homeless centers are ok" (yet there are men and women there and soem of these men are molesters of sorts) yet this seems wrong on so many levels....what kind of mom willing lets their child go to a homeless shelter???? and from finding out the way this homeless shelter works is : the people sleep in one building, they have to be at ANOTHER building during the day and then ANOTHER place for meals!!!!!! how is carting a baby to 3 different places EVERYDAY being a good mom??? it seems like neglect

    I was talking to a friend of mine and she said that if we let the WELFARE office know she is in a homeless shelter with a baby(who she gets benefits for) then the welfare office can take the baby and put it in state care!!! thats the last thing we want----is for this baby to be in state care--let alone a HOMELESS SHELTER!!!!.......and also to contact legal aid to help with custody

    ~~she hasnt sent ANY diapers or wipes for the baby
    ~~the baby has "smelled" (like he hadnt had a bath for a few days)
    ~~when we asked for diaper rash cream, it was refused (thankfully because i get tattooed a few times a year, i have healing ointement) baby had a slight diaper rash (still had it today on saturday)
    ~~she hasnt sent extra clothes for him ---thankfully we have WONDERFUL friends across the street who gave us some lefotver baby clothes from when theirs were babies
    ~~the baby FIGHTS being held while having a bottle as if the baby is PROPPED with a bottle(tested the theory and he took a bottle IMMEDIATLEY upon being placed in his carseat and propped it-----wrong!!! i have issues with this, babies should be held while being fed a bottle

    If theres anyone out there that can point us in teh right direction to get this baby out of her hands please help!!!

    *this woman killed frankensteins cat (by droppign a couch on it) when she was mad at him
    *as per her 2 ex husbands "she should be on medication and doesnt take it"
    *she STALKED frankenstein so bad taht she sent her eldest on his bike to "watch him" and called every 10 minutes, and left 30 emails and instant messages a day for him till he changed his phone # and his email
    *as per 2 ex husbands ---this makes her 3rd or 4th time in a homeless shelter
    *she has a job (at the mormon run thrift store) but she had a job before when frankenstien lived with her and then she quit it 2 weeks after he got a good job so taht she could stay home and NOT work
    *shes on state benefits--medical, food and cash assistance

    Advice is very muchly appreciated, we jsut want this baby in a HOME not a HOMELESS shelter( and we want FULL CUSTODY)
    a bit more background on the mom
    We do realize she has money issues, but she has gone to school to better herself before and cant hold a job in that feild(accounting) yet every time she has gotten a job with an accounting firm, she has flaked out as soon as she found a "new" man~~staples she worked at for 2 weeks until frankenstien got a good enough job(but then went instead of paying bills or SAVING $ she went and bought new clothes or toys EVERY single time they went into the store while they lived together. Granted it may not seem like much, but it is when your supposed to be paying rent and or bills and this clothes adn toy $ is coming out of housing expenses. Or the 3 times a week fast food expedition----or the $150 birthday gifts/party $ is now coming out of gas/electric/items.

    The eldest child lives with his father (age 11) but thats becuase he has a voice and was able to tell mom "thats screwed up, im not living in a homeless shelter with you im living with my dad".....this kid has some "gimme gimme" issues, and is rather cruel and violent. Mom tried to commit suicide in front of him when he was 4 years old (she told me this when my ex and i were still together)

    Her 4 year old is the one that is also going into the homeless shelter~~his father happens to live about 3 blocks away from us(our tires on our car got slashed 2 days after he drove past us at the mailbox) For whatever reason, his current wife doesnt want the boy in "her" home, but he can go on "friday and saturday" and dad has wife convinced this is ok? but the rest of the week he gets to live (i use that term "live rather loosely in this statement) in the homeless shelter......this kid also has issues he took a chair and SMASHED it across my back when i was sitting on the floor helping my daughter get her shoes on---kid chair like one of those folding metal ones--mom watched, and didnt say a single word as to if it was ok or not......he seems rather violent for a 4 year old, to a scary violent ~~~i worked at a daycare, ive seen some violent children, but this one tops the cake

    We really just want the baby in a safe home~~~ we offered to take him just until she got on her feet

    I couldnt get it to multi post(i havent figured it out yet) but to the poster that asked about legal rights to this baby---i dont want them, but im more then willing to stand by my bestest friend in the world to help him get his baby into a good home, even if for whatever reason it wasnt MY home, becauase above all else hes my friend, not just my lover, not just my confidante, not just because hes my rock, not just my epsresso mashine prepping guy. I would hope that it would be mine, but honestely my broken heart vs a child in what could be harms way~~~a broken heart would hurt, but eventually id pick myself up, but i couldnt live with my self if this baby didnt get a right to a home, with OR without me involved.

    If she was just moving to an EVEN smaller appartment for less so she could save money we could understand, but shes moving into a homeless shelter and keeps going "when the bishop gets back" and "when the bishop gets back hes getting me into ahouse" ~~~she has also almost bragged about getting the church to pay her rent just for going to church, i really should say brag, but i dont know the propper term? almost liek she she thinks ' no matter how bad i screw up, and no matter how bad, as long as i go to church my bills are paid '. And that just leads us believe that this could happen again.

    Before we found out that the baby was his...we had been talking about a baby, so we would have been buying baby stuff anyways, this just ups it sooner then we planned, and we do have a crib. Frankenstien would be buying baby stuff, wether it was for HIS baby or mine(im not preggo, but if it happens, its ok, but if not its ok too) so eitehr way, he would have been buying for a baby any ways

    As a mom, I understand, I wouldnt/couldnt give up my babies(even though they have thier bratty moments are the 18 yet??) but at the same time, if I was to be homeless for any reason, that my babies had the chance to be in a home, whether mine or not, i dont think homeless is ok for babies or children, mine or not.. I cant stand for this ladies 4 year old, but i can stand by frankenstien while WE fight to get the baby into a stable home environment.
    (this was posted qs i had asked on another board, cause for whatever reason i didnt think to ask for help/advice here first---but these are my posts so its not copy infringement or anything cause they were mine)
  • Sun, Aug 17 2008 1:53 PM In reply to

    Re: homeless babies

    two words: family lawyer


    If for no other reason than to gain better, more stable visitation.  A lawyer can guide you on the father's rights, grandparents' rights, etc.  A laywer could tell you if you have a shot of getting custody under the circumstances, even if it's just temporary until the mom gets her life in better order.  The courts have all sorts of ways to help -- parenting classes, etc.  I have custody of my DD and her dad has "reasonable visitation" and pays child support.  We have never been to court; we have always settled amicably with a consent order that is approved by a city judge and on file with the city.  Many lawyers will do free consultations, but, honestly, I would go to one where you pay for it; my experience has been that I get better, more complete answers, when I pay for them!  My lawyer cost $75 for a 30 minute consultation and then I paid $200 to have the most recent consent order done (had the child support updated after 3 years and both of us having payraises, etc.).

    I think you did the right thing not getting attached until you have the DNA results back.  It could have been heartbreak otherwise.

    Good luck and keep us posted!

    Officially Recognized Stretchpert in the General forum
  • Mon, Aug 18 2008 11:56 AM In reply to

    Re: homeless babies

    As a mom, I understand, I wouldnt/couldnt give up my babies(even though they have thier bratty moments are the 18 yet??) but at the same time, if I was to be homeless for any reason, that my babies had the chance to be in a home, whether mine or not, i dont think homeless is ok for babies or children, mine or not

    She's not a mom, she's a mother.  Just like there's a difference between a father and a dad. Any woman with functioning female organs can be a mother, that doesn't make them a mom.  The children equal hand-out money and sympathy.  That's why she wants to keep the baby, not because she can't stand to be parted from them.

    "Oh! You and your child and infant live in a homeless shelter? You poor thing! Have x, y & z." "Here some Section 8, food stamps, utility vouchers, etc."

    There are women who are moms that need these things. And there are women who are mothers because they want these things.

    I agree with Sunshine. Your best bet at this point is a family lawyer.  DSS/CPS probably isn't going to do much. But a lawyer might if you sue for custody and prove that you can provide a more stable home.

  • Mon, Aug 18 2008 1:41 PM In reply to

    Re: homeless babies

    "The children equal hand-out money and sympathy.  That's why she wants to keep the baby, not because she can't stand to be parted from them."



    Thats what we were thinking too, and it just makes it even MORE difficult because legal aid wont help us(cause this woman didnt beat him up) welfare wont help(but my case worker agrees its wrong) we cant get a lawyer so we feel so helpless......we are in the process of finding one that will work with us .....not that we just want his baby out of there, i think its wrong her 4 year old is there too, but we cant stand up for him, but frank and i can stand up for the baby


  • Mon, Aug 18 2008 2:18 PM In reply to

    Re: homeless babies


    Not sure what state you are in but in our state (Nebraska), social services looks to family members BEFORE non-family foster care. So the "system" would look to the baby's father, grandparents, aunts or uncles and determine a safe placement with a family member before non-relative foster care is considered if the baby needs to be removed from the mother's care.

    Contact Legal Aid or other non-profit legal services. If this becomes a court case, biological parents often get appointed counsel at no cost.

  • Mon, Aug 18 2008 2:43 PM In reply to

    • Toni B.
    • Top 25 Contributor
    • Joined on Sat, Apr 5 2008
    • Seneca Falls NY
    • Posts 3,826

    Re: homeless babies

    Contact Legal Aid or other non-profit legal services. If this becomes a court case, biological parents often get appointed counsel at no cost.
    Bring the copy of the DNA results with you on your first visit. If you can't offer space for the baby at least see if someone else in the father's side of the family can. This is no quick easy solution and you have a long battle ahead of you.
    Officially Recognized Stretchpert in Stages of Life
  • Mon, Aug 18 2008 3:43 PM In reply to

    Re: homeless babies

    Dear Latte, What a tragic situation!  I agree that you need a lawyer.  If you can't afford to pay for one, most states have a Legal Aid Society with a sliding scale or free services.  I am praying for Frank's baby, also your baby in your heart.  Yours in Him, Deb

    Officially Recognized Stretchpert in Government & Charity Assistance

    Proud guardian of Heart, a black female Miniature Poodle, a Psychiatric Service Dog

    Enter His gates with thanksgiving, His courts with praise; give thanks to Him, bless His Name. (Psalm 100)

    Yours in thrift, Deborah

  • Mon, Aug 18 2008 9:16 PM In reply to

    Re: homeless babies

    oh poor baby!! omg we got him today(aug 18) at 1 pm and the poor babys diaper was SO wet it had not only soaked threw his diaper and his shorts into his carseat-----the "mother" had the baby in the carseat on the stroller COVERED with a double layer flannel blanket , poor baby was SO HOT!!! he still felt like he hadnt had a bath, his hair was greasy, his skin was grubby feeling.....we gave him a GOOD bath ----meaning i double washed his hair because it felt so greasy, and washed the poor babys body 2 times  just so that he FELT clean....poor baby has REALLY bad diaper rash (again i ORIGINALLY asked on friday for some----but i cant give the mother MY stuff because either she wont use it or she wont send it back for us to use at our home)

    we found a lawyer who is willing to meet with us on august 26 (we dont even have the $ for the "consultation" but franks dad is sending us the $85 for the consultation to help get the baby)

    will keep you all posted, just keep us in your thoughts and prayers

  • Mon, Aug 18 2008 9:18 PM In reply to

    • misscas
    • Top 200 Contributor
    • Joined on Mon, Jul 23 2007
    • Kansas
    • Posts 233

    Re: homeless babies

    You might recommend she try the local Salvation Army for accomodations.  They only take single women and families so there won't be any scary men roaming around.  It may be a little safer environment.  She could also try the local shelter for unweb mothers for help. 

    I would definitely get an attorney though.   


  • Tue, Aug 19 2008 1:22 AM In reply to

    Re: homeless babies

     I would give you some opposite advice, you need to start providing some things for the baby on visitiation.  It' s Frank's job as a dad to have diapers, wipes, cream, clothes, a place to sleep.  He''s not daycare, where you need to provide diapers, he's dad, where he should be buying things to take care of the baby when he's in his home and care.  I haven't heard of custody cases where the noncustodial parent is given everything by the custodial parent, kids usually have sets of things in each place.  

    It's also okay for babies to be in three places in a day, most babies are at home, daycare, and errands.  If mom is poor and can't afford housing, by going to a homeless shelter- which I hope is well run and the men and women sleep in seperate areas- she is providing housing for her family.   On another thread we are talking about a new depression, but we are not so far that people are expected to farm off their kids if they can't afford housing. She has been providing full time care for two children by herself for the past 6 months, and recuperating from childbirth.  It sounds like she'll need some help from a charity or the government to continue to care for her kids, and from the fathers. It's my understanding a large percentage of the homeless population is children, they are not taken away from the parents due to poverty. There has to be abuse or neglect to start the process of a temporary removal of a child from a parent. I'm sure you'd agree, we don't want to take children away from parents for economic reasons. 

    My kids have all been masters at peeing out of diapers.  When they are babies I frequently would go through three or four outfits a day to keep them dry. If is also fine and recommended to not wash babies daily, they have delicate skin and bathing dries it out further.

    I would say the baby's place right now is with mom, who has cared for him all his life.  Instead of trying to take the baby away, a good relationship with Frank will mean consistent, loving visitation with needs met in both places.  When Frank starts paying child support, that will also help mom get a more stable home, and mom deserves financial support from the father to care for the child.  Everyone's best interest is making sure the baby has basic needs met and that visiting and providing good care with both parents is as stress free and part of a routine as possible. This will be during Frank's nonworking hours, I think, not all day. 

    Hopefully this baby will benefit, Latte, from having you in addition to two parents, to provide care and attention. Every baby needs as much of that as possible!  

    Beginning Debt Slayer

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