I am in the denial stage of my life.  I am denying that I am middle aged and broke!  It really is hard to come to terms that this is all there is and life just didn't turn out the way you had planned.

I used to be able to look forward with excitement, and now I just feel like I am putting one foot in front of the other and that this is it.  Now I work for my DD and hope she makes better choices than I did.

I should be married, have grown children and traveling and pretty comfy.  Instead, I am single, little kid, no money and not as comfy!  ;-)

Boy I sound depressing!  But that is where I am... in the middle and a little depressed at it!

 Hey DMC...I'm sorry you're not where you want to be, but look at it this way: you might be in the middle, but at least you're in the middle and dealing with truth! It'd be very easy to go, "this is where I want to be, so let's spend like I'm there anyways." 

And that little one is lucky as all get-out to have you as her parent; even if you're not where you want to be, you're doing what you can get her where she needs to be, and that's both awesome and admirable. Go you!

Hofmamma thank you so much!  Your encouraging words are so nice to hear.

Even though I feel really guilty for every mispent dollar these days, maybe, just maybe.... I am in a learning curve.  I over spent this week and boy do I feel like a complete fool, hipocrate and idiot! 

I know I don't "waste" all the time, but when I do, I sure feel guilty.

It is hard to deal with the truth of our personal reality!  But on the whole, I am doing what I can to improve her plight in life in the end.

 It is a learning curve...I was at the guilty over every dollar stage a couple of years back...let me give you a little of my personal background:

Not very many years ago, I was in an abusive relationship with a man who took every penny I earned. I was $67k in cc debt when I decided to go back to law school (huge fight that pretty much precipitated the end of my relationship with the jerk, thank G-d). By my second year of law school, I was alone with my two cats in a Section 8 (HUD) apartment.

And then my apartment burned down, although my cats and I were thankfully unharmed.

And a friend from law school gave me place to stay.

And we fell in love.

But he wouldn't marry me unless I paid off my cc debt; I got a few jobs and I did.

We've been married for 2.5 years, have a son, a house, two cars outright, and two businesses.

The point, of course: I know it looks dark now. I couldn't imagine how anything could get worse when my apartment burned down, and it probably was one of the best things that could've happened to me. 

You're someone who's dealing in truth and good motives; I have no doubt that things are going to improve for you, in ways you can't really even see or imagine right now! 

You brought me to tears!  Thanks so much!  Not for the tears but for the vote of confidence. ;-)  I do try!  I am trying 98% of the time, but when I mess up, I mess up good.  I know I don't spend a fortune, I am not at a department store spending exorbident amounts of money.  Heck I just bought some pretty red chargers for Thanksgiving for 1.50 a piece at Big Lots and I am in so much guilt!!

I wonder if I am holding myself to too high of a standard, maybe I should let up a little and be able to spend something without guilt at this stage.  I need to revisit my budget.. but it just seems like I should be pouring everything into my debt.  

Thanks Hofmamma and I am so happy that you are here giving your words of advice and encourement and just sharing!

dmc

Hofmama:

But he wouldn't marry me unless I paid off my cc debt; I got a few jobs and I did.

Wow that was some kind of love. I've often told young people (and inmates where I worked) that you know love is true when the other person brings out the best in you.

 Aw, thanks, DMC. I'm happy to be here, too :) And yes, I'm going to go out on the limb and say you're holding yourself to too high a standard. We have to be responsible with our money...but we also still have to live! Enjoy your pretty chargers, and have a Thanksgiving that's truly full of thanks (part of the reason I volunteer so much is because it keeps me in touch with how truly blessed I am). 

 Aw, thanks, Toni. DH is just a fantastic man in every way, and he always inspires me to be my best self.

dmc_2008:

I wonder if I am holding myself to too high of a standard, maybe I should let up a little and be able to spend something without guilt at this stage.  I need to revisit my budget.. but it just seems like I should be pouring everything into my debt.  

dmc, I recall when you first started posting here on this forum. I've seen great progress from you. I don't know your budget status but your positive attitude about turning your life around is wonderful. When you fall, just get back up and keep plugging along. We're all a work in progress.

Remember  Dmc  40 is the new 30!    When I am 48 in a few years I will have a 9yr and 11 yr old.   plus debt! unless we win the lottery but we will have paid down some of it. 

Life is progress Dmc!   a learning curve.   Do you have some hobbies or can you find something to help distract you?  I am just as bad with shopping, rarely go in a store without getting something else not on my list!