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Introducing..

Last post Mon, Jan 14 2013 3:41 PM by Juneflower. 25 replies.
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  • Sat, Jul 12 2008 4:52 PM

    • Pat
    • Top 10 Contributor
    • Joined on Tue, Mar 6 2007
    • Colorado
    • Posts 14,463

    Introducing..

    This forum.

    Singles, single parents and anyone else living alone seem to have different challenges than those with families or SOs. Got a question? A gripe? Need tips? Looking for advice? Here we are!  

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  • Sat, Jul 12 2008 5:59 PM In reply to

    Re: Introducing..

    Well, I'm a single parent of an 11 yr old and my challenges are that my daughter has to step up to help me do things that would be much easier if there were a man to help. Like picking up furniture or mowing the lawn or tilling the garden or building a chicken coop...all these things that we have to do by ourselves. My mother thinks that I put too much on my daughter but my mother had a husband, and three kids including a boy and she didn't have to do what I do. She doesn't understand that inorder for my two person family to function we both have to work at these things. So my daughter has to lift big bags of soil, if I can't do to osteoarthritis in both hands and in my back. My daughter has to mow the lawn and help me do things around the house and outside. Its not easy...when she was younger I had to do it all and now that she's older, she has to help.

    http://singlemomurbanhomestead.wordpress.com/

    http://frugalgravy.wordpress.com/

    Frugal Recipes, Tips and Ideals!!!
  • Sat, Jul 12 2008 6:19 PM In reply to

    Re: Introducing..

    leasmom:

    Well, I'm a single parent of an 11 yr old and my challenges are that my daughter has to step up to help me do things that would be much easier if there were a man to help. Like picking up furniture or mowing the lawn or tilling the garden or building a chicken coop...all these things that we have to do by ourselves. My mother thinks that I put too much on my daughter but my mother had a husband, and three kids including a boy and she didn't have to do what I do. She doesn't understand that inorder for my two person family to function we both have to work at these things. So my daughter has to lift big bags of soil, if I can't do to osteoarthritis in both hands and in my back. My daughter has to mow the lawn and help me do things around the house and outside. Its not easy...when she was younger I had to do it all and now that she's older, she has to help.

     

    When I was a girl (back in the 70s), I mowed the grass (because I did a better job than my father, and my sister kept paying me to do it when it was her turn), I shoveled the driveway and sidewalk (still do; I live alone), learned to cook (from both of my parents), helped with the vegetable garden, took wood shop and loved it (it was a lot more fun than Home Ec; I already knew how to sew), rode my bike everywhere, cleaned the house (my sister and I split the chores and rotated them - just like my mother and her brother did when they were kids) learned to skateboard, trained the dog, built a tree house, etc.

    I'm the only person in my immediate family who can use tools (my grandfather taught me - my mother went into shock when she found out I built my own bookcases), I built my own raised garden bed, starting with clearing the area, digging it out by hand to level it, digging out trenches for the supports (in this case, cinder blocks), laying the plastic to conserve water, moving the dirt from my neighbor's truck (she's female too) to the back yard in a wheelbarrow to fill it (6 pickup beds worth), I spent several weeks redoing my landscaping, I've painted my entire house inside and out, I change light fixtures and sockets, switch out plumbing fixtures and unclog sinks and tubs, change my flat tires - what does gender have to do with it?  I understand why you need help, especially with having osteoarthritis, and why your daughter helps you (and more power to you for letting her learn these skills now) - but why does it matter what gender either of you are?  I mean, yes, some things are easier with more brawn - but that doesn't limit which gender can do them; anyway, I've known some pretty brawny women and some pretty wimpy men.

    I don't want to make this females against the males, and I truly do understand that some of the things you and your daugther do are hard because there's only the two of you - I just truly don't see what difference gender makes; the only thing men can't do is birth or suckle babies, and the only thing women can't do is engender babies.  Other than that, I really don't see why gender matters.

  • Sat, Jul 12 2008 7:18 PM In reply to

    Re: Introducing..

    I didn't mean it like that, believe me we've done it all and had people stopping to watch. We have moved all of our furniture-(we used to move every year)..and one, a very heavy t.v. armoire, took two men to put it in my car and then me and my daughter had to bring it in, it is VERY heavy. I built her bunkbeds, put together all of my mother's furniture including her t.v. cabinent. I do minor car maintenance, I have done everything from ripping up carpet to lifting refrigerators, I too created our raised garden and made the chicken coop including the gate-(out of 5 ft gating that was shaped into tomato cages)-I have my own set of tools and I do all the work a man could, or at least I could before. I'm just saying that these are things that typically men would do and I agree I've known some very weak men-(my ex was one, he didn't even know how to start a bbq or use tools)-I wasn't meaning for it to sound like we can't do anything unless there's a man there, we do it all, including the hammering, sawing, etc. Being a single mom I have to be both mother and father. Its not easy. Somedays I wish I didn't have to do any of it but we have too. And she has to step up to help me. Its not about gender, its about being a single mom that I was talking about and wishing I had help and some things are easier for men to do. I was talking about being a single mom...

    http://singlemomurbanhomestead.wordpress.com/

    http://frugalgravy.wordpress.com/

    Frugal Recipes, Tips and Ideals!!!
  • Sun, Jul 13 2008 8:08 AM In reply to

    Re: Introducing..

    I was a single mom once (and may be one again very soon), and I understand the emotional struggles a single parent experiences.  Sure, you can do the yard work, the house work, build things, etc., but if you have to do all of those things, when do you get to spend time doing fun things with your child?  And when you have a schoolage child, there is homework, dinner, baths, etc. 

     From reading your posts, it sounds like you are giving your daughter a lot of life skills that will enable her in adulthood.  You are doing a wonderful job!

  • Sun, Jul 13 2008 8:43 AM In reply to

    Re: Introducing..

    Thanks. Yes, we don't have fun as much as I would like. I hope you'll see it that way oneday.

    http://singlemomurbanhomestead.wordpress.com/

    http://frugalgravy.wordpress.com/

    Frugal Recipes, Tips and Ideals!!!
  • Sun, Jul 13 2008 8:52 AM In reply to

    • Sandra
    • Top 500 Contributor
      Female
    • Joined on Sun, Sep 2 2007
    • Northern Michigan
    • Posts 63

    Re: Introducing..

    Hi - I live alone and most of the time love it.  My choice what to do and when.  I was married for 8 years and had two small children when we divorced.  I raised them to adulthood and they're off living their lives now.  I now live with one dog and 2 cats (only one if mine, the other my daughter left when she moved out).

    I think the point of the above posts is that there are some things that are not possible without two (or even more) people working on it, because of weight or bulkiness.  It's nice if you have friends or neighbors that are willing to help but I feel bad imposing too much.

    I've lived almost 20 years in the north woods, have a chain saw and can use it, etc., but find that I'm aging (imagine that.  I thought I would stay young and strong forever.)  Arthritis, torn rotator cuff that healed but not as strong as it once was, etc. has made me think lately of a less strenuous life.  I read an article lately about an older woman (80s?) who was grateful that her and her husband retired when they were still physically able to set up raised garden beds, plant fruit trees, etc.  Now she is widowed, able to maintain things that she would not be able to create anymore.

  • Tue, Jul 15 2008 12:54 AM In reply to

    • Gaye
    • Top 500 Contributor
      Female
    • Joined on Sun, Jun 8 2008
    • Phoenix area
    • Posts 50

    Re: Introducing..

    Thank you!

    Gaye

  • Tue, Jul 15 2008 1:00 AM In reply to

    • Gaye
    • Top 500 Contributor
      Female
    • Joined on Sun, Jun 8 2008
    • Phoenix area
    • Posts 50

    Re: Introducing..

    I am 42 (43 in December) and I've been divorced for 14 years. I have no human children, but I do have  2 young dogs and a14 year old dog. My parents are 78 and 72....I'm an only child. Wanna talk about single? I'm about as single as they come.

    I would like to find a nice guy, but it hasn't been in the cards just yet. I love to cook *& keep a good pantry/freezer/fridge stocked. I do eat out too much.

    I teach 8th grade language arts. I own (well, the bank owns) my home that I purchased in 1994 for a song - thank God! The only debt I carry is my car and home - neither 'break' me, thank goodness.

    I hope this section of the forum takes off. :)

    gaye

  • Sun, Jul 20 2008 10:30 PM In reply to

    Re: Introducing..

     I used to worry that I was putting too much responsibility onto my teenage daughter when I left her a list of things to do when I was at school, teaching summer school, but then again I was responsible for doing those things with my sisters when my mother went to work and I think we turned out ok!  I would never ask her to help out with something that I thought would be a danger to herself but the problem I see in the town I live in now, which is above average imcome, is that these kids think "someone else" will always be doing something for them.  When my daughter goes off to college next Sept., I will rest a little easier knowing that she can do things for herself.  

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Feel free to read the great frugal living tips, ideas and discussions readers and community members have posted here. But if you'd like to post something or start a discussion, please click here to go over to our new community site and create an account.

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