The short version: 7 months of unemployment and my pt income = foreclosure and Ch 7 = starting over with some debt, keen insight, fear, and our faith.
We started over with much of our debt discharged and a new job for dh. Our budget was purposely structutred to include giving, saving, and very frugal living. We have aggressively paid off the '01 truck 12 months ahead of time, and are now working on the student loan debt while concurrently saving for some one time expenses and sinking funds ongoing as well.
The long verison--which I think I may have posted here quite a while ago but then deleted it after just a few hours or so.
Spring 2007
Lessons learned the past 5 years.
Our older daughter was in a violent marriage but got out and
is doing okay; not 100%, but progressing.
Our dear friend died after a sudden illness. The world
became less welcoming after his passing. We continue to miss his smile and his
love.
Our son lost his job and was unemployed for 6 months. It was
frightening for him, and us, to realize there are no jobs readily available
paying a livable wage or offering benefits in the sate of Michigan.
Our teen daughter was in a horrible car accident. She shares
this: airborne she wraps her arms around the steering wheel in a desperate
effort to stay inside a car that catapults end over end in a seemingly endless
tumble. Two fleeting thoughts: “well,
f#ck, I really should wear a seat belt” and she notices her purse, with
cigarettes inside, flying out the window into the darkness; hopes she can find
her cigarettes in the snow—she’s going to really need a smoke after this.
We have struggled, along with her, as she fights her own out
of control downward spiral into another world of chaos and darkness. We faced
the most serious crisis of her four year struggle this past school year with no
medical insurance or money. There is no
more desperate feeling as a parent than to have a child suffering with a major
illness and to face great difficulty in accessing quality care when there is no
insurance and no money.
After four years of fighting her own personal demons, and
four years of numerous medication changes, the counselor and doctor have
finally found the right combination that has given her a life back; given us
our daughter back.
She has to learn to crawl before running, they said. And learn she has...she is moving forward;
living and learning; awareness that she will always be just one choice away
from the darkness once again has made her strong and determined to continue the
fight.
My two young cousins were shot and killed this spring. Bad
choices with the wrong people and it was all over in an instant with a bullet to
the head.
My dear step sister is diagnosed with a rare form of lung
cancer.
And in the midst of it all, my husband's job loss.
We have learned that what is important is people. We
have each other, the three kids, our grandson, family and friends.
That is all that matters.
People have said to us that it would "kill them"
to give up their houses.
They say they could never live on $1500 monthly.
They say they could never drive around in an old beat up
car.
They tell us that is why we should have never given up the
credit cards--if we had credit cards we could make it go around through cash
advances and buying on credit.
We have learned not to take advice from “broke” people. Living the “American Dream” has gotten many
of us into this very situation. Dave
Ramsey is very correct in his financial teachings that cash is king. And if you don’t have savings you are inviting
Murphy, along with his brothers Stupid and Broke into your life—which is what
happened to us.
We don’t have a problem being stupid and broke since we know
how to fix it. Been there, done that, lost it all. We truly are deceiving ourselves to believe
we are in control of anything.
So, we have lost the house. It's just a building that cost
us $225,000--and our financial security.
So, we are through the bankruptcy. What will be, will be. Catastrophic medical expenses, job
outsourcing, and no savings—hey, it’s the American Dream and a way of life for
most of us.
Yes, we had a five figure severance payout. It was used to save our daughter from her own
personal demons. GOOD healthcare in America is not cheap and what the state
offered to pay for is not an option to even be considered.
Let us tell you our story and our mistakes so you can learn
from them. This is not an isolated incident.
We believe many people are on the edge of financial disaster. They face
the day with grim desperation and never ask for help. They toss and turn and another night is spent
sleepless only to start the next day with no solution. If you ask us, we will be honest you. Don’t be sad for us; rather be glad we have
realized what is important and how to rebuild. Listen to us please. We know how quickly life can be turned upside
down and don’t want to see our loved ones experience what we have. Take off your blinders; you are at the brink
of the cliff, ready to fall and you can’t see it.
We have embraced the philosophy that there is no such thing as
failure. When the door slams firmly shut
in your face you will hear another sound if you take time to listen carefully
and don’t panic—you will hear the sound of God quietly opening another door for
you.
"Be it ever so humble there is no place like home"
is true. Our home is something we carry
with us in our hearts--a home is about the love and memories you make with your
family and friends wherever you live. A house is a building and address. There is a difference that many can’t
understand until they are faced with the loss of it all.
As for living in poverty in America--you do what you have to do. It's
that simple. You learn very quickly to differentiate between a need and a want.
People are very confused about that also.
I don't know how people get through life without believing
in God.
We have plenty of days where we are just overwhelmed and
beaten down and God is the only rock solid unchanging thing we have to lean
on. He carries us through the dark days and sleepless nights. We could cry every day and night if we let
ourselves. What is the point? We still have to carry on with our daily
responsibilities with the hope, always the hope, that it will be okay.
Prayer and a good sense of humor are important too. You have
to see the humor in the many overwhelming everyday circumstances that would
cause others to sink further into despair.
You can weep or laugh, or choose both but laughter is best.
When your financial ship is sitting firmly on the bottom of
the deep ocean, with no hope of rising-- there is a choice. You can stay down there wallowing in the muck
with the bottom feeders or you can look up and swim like crazy for the
surface. Even if you are down so deep
you can’t see the glimmer of the Light you have to believe it is there.
We also made a conscious decision not to ask: “Why?” The asking and wondering can consume
you. And would the answer have
mattered? It happened.
So be it. Learn, forgive, move
forward. What other choice can one
really make?
We have a feeling that moving forward, no matter how difficult,
has got to be better than maintaining the facade that it’s all “okay”. People seem shocked that this financial
disaster has befallen us; uncomfortable when we tell them about it. Is it better to pretend? Why do they ask if they don’t want honesty?
The biggest plus of years of good income and a high FICO is that
you end up with a lot of good stuff to sell to see you through.
How much stuff do you really need anyway? It is a
freeing experience to realize how very little you actually need to live and be happy.
You find out who your true friends are when you are going
through the truly tough times in your life. And they are usually the ones
you don't realize are your friends.
They unexpectedly offer to let you use a vehicle--no strings
attached--until you have a replacement vehicle--and then offer to help with the
repairs when needed. They put bags of groceries in your car while you are at
church. They offer to buy propane for you when it is needed. They
pray for you every single day.
We have determined what is needed in our life: God, family,
and friends.
Everything else is a bonus.
Jeremiah 29:11-13 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the
LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope
and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will
listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your
heart.
Matthew 6:25-34 "Therefore I tell you, do
not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what
you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more
important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap
or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not
much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to
his life? "And why do you worry
about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin.
Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one
of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here
today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O
you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What
shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these
things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his
kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as
well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about
itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
There is a plan that leads to freedom and gives hope to the
hopeless. Please visit www.daveramsy.com
and take to heart what you read and learn there. There is a different way.
January 2008
Dh is gainfully employed at MSU and loves his job.
Teen dd is healthy and strong.
Adult ds is working full time and self supporting.
Adult dd is a strong woman who has learned.
Lorrie still has to tell herself daily that it will be
okay.
