Brianschef:

 IThings some times get a bit tight, but this week we made the last payment on his student loans($61k).  We have been paying on them for over 10 years, nice to have them gone!  : )  Although he is talking about getting his PhD and teaching when he retires in 40 years from this job.  Anyway the $500 a month that went to these payments will now go to aggressively pay off our last car loan($3500+).  We also paid off our last cc 2 weeks ago and have been living on a cash basis for sometime and love it.

Once the car loan is paid off we will triple our house payments and get this place paid for.  Then we will be completely out of debt except for utilities and groceries, about 7 years if all goes as planned.  We both have extremely large life insurance policies, great health benefits, are doing well on our retirement fund, and our investments are staying steady so far.  

All we can do is sit and wait to see what happens and continue to progress forward.  : ) 

Congratulations on paying off the student loan, Brianschef.  Right now, we're having to regroup due to some of DH's medical expenses.  Thankfully, we do have a good insurance plan, but the copays are diverting funds from savings and debt repayment.  It's just a little aggravating to incur these expense, because DH is in the "elimination stage" (where the doctors are ordering different tests to determine the cause(s) of his health problems).

Debates on this issue kind of "get my goat" because people act as if you choose to work you are living some sort of crazy lifestyle where you have two leased cars and take fabulous vacations or if you stay home you live in an 800 sq ft house and drive a beat up car etc.  It's not that simple.  My husband and I both work and have a nice-ish home, have two cars that cost under $20k each etc.  We also wear old clothes and make frugal meals, but we really can't just cut back and have me stay home!  I provide the health insurance for my family (my husband has health problems and getting our own is near impossible) and he provides the bulk of the income (though it's unstable) working freelance.  I get annoyed when there is this attitude that we could all easily be SAHMs if we weren't so greedy!

There is many reasons for working and I think someone who knows you would know you aren't just avoiding staying home.  Since I am in Canada health care is not a issue.   but day care costs are.  I would be working for daycare.  I make $14 a hr ($2 more at this recent job)  If my mom wasn't taking care of the kids for a small fee, it would cost me $10/hr for childcare.   working nights is not a option because of lack of sleep in my life and if I work weekends no family time.   Though people do what they can here.

that is why govt bought in childcare subsidy for lower income because it is better then having them on welfare because they can't afford childcare.

Jen:

I get annoyed when there is this attitude that we could all easily be SAHMs if we weren't so greedy!

I hope you don't feel anyone here is giving you this attitude.

 

Everyone has to make choices for themselves. I know how you feel only because I've received a good bit of harassment too, only over my staying home with the kids.....there are those that look down at me because I'm not " doing my fair share" or " pulling my weight" or my favorite " taking avantange of dh".

I also have a dear friend that needed to return to the workforce and be the breadwinner when her husband was diagnosed with prostrate cancer, and then colon cancer. They desperately need her insurance. I very well might be in her place someday.

that is why we revisit my working outside the home often, then compare it to now, what we'd gain and what we'd have to give up. Situations change quickly, and it may mean changing our plan. It doesn't mean we suddenly became greedy. It was just at that point in our lives, it was what we wanted to do. So for right now, this is what we want to do and if it quits working to our satisfaction we'll change it.

Dear All, There are always folks so unsure of themselves & so afraid that others might think ill of them, that they lash out at people who have made other choices, saying that the other people are immoral.  They arez "projecting" (psychological term) tehir own uncertainty about whether they are dong the right thing.  Pay them no mind.  Yours in Him, Deb

I am in the same boat as a few of the previous posters indicated: my working is more of a benefit issue than the income.

I make decent money.... about the same as my husband. But we could cut corners and such to prepare for me to stay home. But the problem with that is that we can't lose the benefits that I get working for the state. Around where we live, most of the middle class men work in plants or work construction. They have work and good money, but no benefits. My husband does iron work and AC work (goes from job to job) and so though he makes great money and can always find a job, he never has benefits. He is 36 with no retirement whatsoever! I am 25 but I have already started with retirement and I have great health insurance, dental insurance, paid leave, etc. In our area, it's just easier and more typical for the women in the administrative jobs to have good benefits.

Most of the women that I live around (family and/or friends) all get to stay home and I have a hard time not being jealous and envious. But then I try to remind myself that they live on food stamps and government assistance (I don't see anything wrong with this when you need it, so please don't take it the wrong way) and have absolutely no stability and no plan for the future. They simply rely on their husbands to work till they die (and I mean that just about literally) and they pray that nothing catastrophic happens.

So, that's the issue I have.... I could find ways to budget so that we could afford to live on my husband's income..but it would be at the mercy of the government and we wouldn't have any security or any retirement. That's just too scary for us.

But man... what I wouldn't give to stay home!!!!! I keep praying that God will help me to find a way....

God bless,

Julie

Jen:

Debates on this issue kind of "get my goat" because people act as if you choose to work you are living some sort of crazy lifestyle where you have two leased cars and take fabulous vacations or if you stay home you live in an 800 sq ft house and drive a beat up car etc.  It's not that simple.  My husband and I both work and have a nice-ish home, have two cars that cost under $20k each etc.  We also wear old clothes and make frugal meals, but we really can't just cut back and have me stay home!  I provide the health insurance for my family (my husband has health problems and getting our own is near impossible) and he provides the bulk of the income (though it's unstable) working freelance.  I get annoyed when there is this attitude that we could all easily be SAHMs if we weren't so greedy!

Jen, I hear your frustration. I hope that you weren't offended by any of the posts on this board. I think you'll find that everyone here is very open-minded and are rarely quick to judge and stereo-type. From my experiences here, just about everyone on this forum enjoys a good debate and 90% of the time it is kept constructive and unoffensive.

But I will say that I think the majority of our society today do live on 2 incomes to support lavish lifestyles and to have all of the "extras". Though I dont think that is the case for everyone, I think most of us would agree that it is definitely a good majority.

I'm in a very similar situation as you are... but I think anyone that knows myself and my husband know that we are very frugal and do not have lots of extras. I work mostly for the benefits (which are hard for middleclass male workers to find in our area). Where we live, it's just more common for the ladies who work administrative jobs to have good benefits packages. So, that's what keeps me in the work force. =+)

God bless and I welcome you to the forum!

Julie

I think that the SAH/ WOH mom debate is the silliest thing- we all do the best we can to balance what we do.  I don't know of any wife or mother who doesn't work hard and think long and hard aboout what is best for her family, and I don't know of any single folks who mindlessly decide to work pt, ft or two jobs without thinking a lot about the effocts of their work on the rest of their life.

I've done all- worked ft, worked ft +,  worked pt, stayed home for a little bit,  worked nights and weekends, worked at home with an in-home daycare for 4 years, and there is no situation that doesn't have it's economic, spiritual, and family ramifications-

Right now I work pt, raise kids- dh calls me a "kid rancher" and do lots of volunteer work. I'm happy with what I'm doing right now.  I'm sure it will change soon, it always does!  Like the weather, if you don't like it, wait a little while---

If you don't like your work/family/ other balance, either you'll change it or it will change on you. I say enjoy the ride, whatever it is!

 

"But I will say that I think the majority of our society today do live on 2 incomes to support lavish lifestyles and to have all of the "extras". Though I dont think that is the case for everyone, I think most of us would agree that it is definitely a good majority." 

I actually disagree with that statement. There are certainly a lot of people who do this, but I think there are just as many or more, especially with the way the economy is right now, who both work simply to exist reasonably with a roof over their heads. I lived in MI until last year, and there are very, very few folks in that state in two-income households doing any more than not losing their (very modest) homes. Most of them are just hoping their old car will get them to work, because they certainly won't be able to fix it if it doesn't. No plasma TVs or fancy radios. The same is true in much of the nation. Of course there are people who could cut back, who could spend more wisely; but, for every one of them is a couple both working for small wages and no health benefits to pay rent/mortgage and put some kind of food on the table. Two $8-10/hour jobs without benefits (and, while companies with over a certain number of employees have to offer benefits, it's important to remember they do not have to offer good or affordable benefits) does not provide much of an income for a 3-4 person household. Currently, an $8-10/hour job is, in many parts of the country, considerd a good job. In MI, they're literaly physically brawling for jobs that pay that much.

I see this a lot in my educational capacity. Some people can survive on one income, and that is wonderful.  Others cannot, and it upsets me when people judge them for it. I have many friends who are in this situation. They've lost their jobs due to the economy and are forced to either stay in the same place and work a much lower paying job, or send their house into foreclosure or take a huge loss (the market means it will NOT get bought at anything near reasonable value) and try to move. They work hard, and they are frugal.

I don't mean to upset anyone, I just felt that this was unfair to the throngs of people now struggling to make it on two incomes, let alone one.