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How do I get my wife to budget?

Last post Fri, Mar 15 2013 3:51 AM by joymali. 32 replies.
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  • Thu, Feb 14 2013 1:01 AM

    How do I get my wife to budget?

    Hello all. I have a prospective client who asked this question in desparation today.  As this question has come up so much and is a core value of a marriage's success, I have decided to write an eBook on the subject and am gathering some research.

     What would you say to this man?  And since I want to look at it from both perspectives, I would also like to hear responses from the other side:  how to convince a husband to care about the finances.  Is it different?

    What do you think?  If your son, or friend, or someone else you cared about came up to you and said:

     

    My concern is that My wife has always been resistant to living on a budget and
    seems resistant to working with a financial coach.  We've tried counseling in the past-- no
    success.  Life is very stressed at home, but I can't see leaving now. 
    
    Do you have any Ideas/Thoughts about how I can move forward?

     

     What would you say to him/her?  I would be grateful to have personal experiences/stories to help others.

     Thank you very much,

    David

    I am a Personal Financial Coach helping individuals across the country save money, get out of debt, and live financially free without selling insurance, investments, or fancy software. Just plain 'ole common sense principles that work.
  • Thu, Feb 14 2013 11:18 AM In reply to

    Re: How do I get my wife to budget?

    I would ask to make sure he is setting an example and following a budget himself.

    retired

  • Thu, Feb 14 2013 11:39 AM In reply to

    Re: How do I get my wife to budget?

    The only input I have on this is the Suze Orman method of separating expenses and each partner paying a percentage of their income on all common bills such as mortgage and utilities. For instance if one partner makes $60,000 and one makes $40,000 a $1,000 mortgage would be separated with the higher income partner paying 60% and the other paying 40%. The remaining money after common bills are paid is controlled by each wage earner. That way the person who wants to save is not responsible for the others expenses.

    I also suggest the offending partner be exposed to websites and programs  like Dollar Stretcher, Suze Orman, Dave Ramsey or Princess. This might expose the spender to the reality of finances.

    As you noted, if the offending partner is resistant to change, it brings great stress to the other and the only answer is often separation. If the couple has children that is not the best answer, but It might be the only answer.

    That's my opinion.

  • Thu, Feb 14 2013 2:30 PM In reply to

    • grame
    • Top 50 Contributor
      Female
    • Joined on Tue, Feb 22 2011
    • Kingdom of Callaway
    • Posts 1,950

    Re: How do I get my wife to budget?

     This is one I cn relate to!  Maybe trying to discover why the person is so resistant to budgeting.  Is this from childhood  issues, such as being raised in an environment where being deprived was the norm or being raised with a sense of entitlement where everything was handed to them?

    There are a number of options here:

    If it has been a short term marriage, no kids, you can always go your seperate ways.

    You can always set up a household account as was suggested above and keep the rest separate, or have each person responsible for different expenses.

    I love DH and would not see divorce as an option, so we divide expenses and cash assets.  I've had some negative comments when I have written about this before, but given that we have been together going on 25 years, it works for us..

     

    I declare to you that woman must not depend upon the protection of man, but must be taught to protect herself, and there I take my stand. ~Susan B. Anthony
  • Thu, Feb 14 2013 3:50 PM In reply to

    • rolo
    • Top 50 Contributor
      Female
    • Joined on Wed, Apr 4 2007
    • Michigan
    • Posts 1,932

    Re: How do I get my wife to budget?

     

     This is an issue that is discussed a lot on the Dave Ramsey Total Money Makeover  subscription based forum. 

    First, don't approach this with a budget discussion.  All the RS (reluctant spouse) will hear is what is going to be taken away--lifestyle spending such as eating out, sports tickets, the new car purchase, etc. 

    Sit down together and dream together.  Doesn't matter what the dream is--dream it and speak it.  Write the list of dreams down.  Now, review the list of dreams and write an attainable goal for those dreams.  "Dream house" may consist of new kitchen counter-tops or updated paint and flooring.   Travel the world may consist of a trip to a certain state or country.  Or maybe mom wants to leave the marketplace and become a SAHM.  What needs to be done to work toward and achieve that SAHM goal?

    Now, you have the basis to inspire the RS to budget. What $ amount is needed to achieve those dreams/goals? Where is the $ coming from?  

    Each spouse has an equal voice in the budget. Neither should be made to feel like a bad child with an angry parent. 

    Hope that helps!
    Lorrie

    "People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they're not on your road doesn't mean they've gotten lost." ~~ Dalai Lama XIV -

  • Mon, Feb 18 2013 12:32 PM In reply to

    • Walt34
    • Top 75 Contributor
    • Joined on Mon, Dec 17 2007
    • WV eastern panhandle
    • Posts 1,406

    Re: How do I get my wife to budget?

    A divorce worked for me over that very issue. I refused to live beyond our means on credit and saw no future living paycheck-to-paycheck as a slave to the credit industry.
    Officially Recognized Stretchpert in Money Management
  • Mon, Feb 18 2013 12:49 PM In reply to

    Re: How do I get my wife to budget?

    My wife is still trying to get me to get my spending under control. I love the idea of a budget and when we stick to one things are definitely less stressful. As I consider it and write this I am realising there is something definitely wrong with the way I have approched my finances in the past. Don't get me wrong I don't spend wrecklessly but I wont hesitate to torpedo the budget. Does that make me wreckless?  I think I need to reflect on my own habbits to determine why I have trouble sticking to a budget.

    There will be no living with her after this.

    Non nobis Domine non nobis sed nomini tuo da gloriam.
  • Mon, Feb 18 2013 1:28 PM In reply to

    • Brandy
    • Top 10 Contributor
    • Joined on Wed, Mar 28 2007
    • Saving in South Mississippi
    • Posts 25,145

    Re: How do I get my wife to budget?

    TW0EDGE:

    There will be no living with her after this.

    But you may live more comfortably knowing you have a little savings and are putting something toward the future.

     

    The Dollar Stretcher Community Manager



  • Mon, Feb 18 2013 1:29 PM In reply to

    Re: How do I get my wife to budget?

    Stick out tongue
    Non nobis Domine non nobis sed nomini tuo da gloriam.
  • Mon, Feb 18 2013 2:08 PM In reply to

    Re: How do I get my wife to budget?

    Twoedge, I think what you are saying is key and would like to dive deeper if you do not mind.

    Why will you not hesitate to torpedo the budget if you already know there will be less stress using it?

    What are the habits that you have trouble with?

    I am a Personal Financial Coach helping individuals across the country save money, get out of debt, and live financially free without selling insurance, investments, or fancy software. Just plain 'ole common sense principles that work.
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