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shopping within my means, why do I feel I am being " cheap"?

Last post Sun, Dec 16 2012 9:57 PM by cheapskate50. 14 replies.
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  • Tue, Dec 11 2012 9:52 PM

    shopping within my means, why do I feel I am being " cheap"?

    I am  on a budget for Christmas, that I cant even afford to be on. Most of my shopping is done, I have to get one more thing for my daughter, something for SIL and something for my father. I WANT to get my grand daughters, ages 7 years and 7 months, more " stuff". I " want " to add something to my brothers gift, and I " want" to buy more stuff for my daughter. But I CANT. I will be taking out more money from the bank that I just cant afford to take out. It has me down, I feel cheap, I know it isnt about the gifts, but yes it IS. Does anyone else feel this way? Is it just me?

  • Wed, Dec 12 2012 12:51 AM In reply to

    Re: shopping within my means, why do I feel I am being " cheap"?

    mysweetpeandpetunia:

    I am  on a budget for Christmas, that I cant even afford to be on. Most of my shopping is done, I have to get one more thing for my daughter, something for SIL and something for my father. I WANT to get my grand daughters, ages 7 years and 7 months, more " stuff". I " want " to add something to my brothers gift, and I " want" to buy more stuff for my daughter. But I CANT. I will be taking out more money from the bank that I just cant afford to take out. It has me down, I feel cheap, I know it isnt about the gifts, but yes it IS. Does anyone else feel this way? Is it just me?

     

    First of all, you are not being "cheap", you are being responsible. (The government could take a lesson from you!)  And yes, we all feel this way sometimes. I have heard it called "frugal fatigue" - when you are just tired of being frugal, frugal, frugal.

    Your daughter, SIL, brother & father would likely be thrilled if you baked something for them.  Can you make fudge, or another candy with things you already have? or cinnamon rolls?  or gift certificates for a cake, or muffins,or babysitting?

    The granddaughter that is 7 months old will be happier playing with the box than the contents... sad but true!  When my granddaughter was 7, her favorite toy was a box, followed closely by a mirror her mother bought at the dollar store.

    The seven year old might like some paper dolls.  This is a link to a free printable doll & 2 dresses from Lily & Thistle, that I found on the Prudent Homemaker site. You can print them off & use them for an extra gift for the 7 year old:  Print off a couple of pages - - you can color the dresses different colors & try them on the dolls to see which one looks best on "the twins".

    http://lilyandthistle.blogspot.com/p/freebies.html

    It isn't about the gifts.  It is about giving them what they REALLY want, and what young children REALLY want is your time & attention.  Your 7 year old granddaughter might like the paper dolls, but she would LOVE having her grandma sit & play with the dolls & show her how. The attention is what she will remember, not the present.

     

     

  • Wed, Dec 12 2012 4:27 AM In reply to

    Re: shopping within my means, why do I feel I am being " cheap"?

    Sweet... I second what Zohner wrote, spot on. I am sorry but you must draw the line somewhere. What happened to your savings motivation? remember...  Life is not about material things. Your love is the greatest gift of all. You have ALREADY gone above and beyond. Please reconsider taking even more money out that you don't have to spend and sacraficing your own savings for a few extra material items that will get used and eventually be done with. They aren't going to last forever Sweet but your love can and the best way to show it is not through material things. Think of how many folks don't even get ONE gift  and you have gone out and got more than one and more than enough. Remember those nice suggestions you left in my post about homemade gifts made for free from home items? Why not try some of those if you honestly feel you need more. I am sure the more you think about it the more overwhelmed you are going to get and anxiety and depession in return. Pray through my friend, Jesus fills the voids if we let Him.

    "Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime." ~Chinese Proverb~
  • Wed, Dec 12 2012 4:51 AM In reply to

    Re: shopping within my means, why do I feel I am being " cheap"?

    MySweet, everyone here is different but what does Christmas really mean to you? Has it really boiled down to this? I doubt it, don't lose your reason for the season. What if they could not afford to get you any gifts period, would you think they were "cheap"? No. I doubt it. No one will think the same of you as well... are those who can't even afford to buy gifts cheapos? No. They are human beings doing the best they can while struggling with a world of living/survival expenses. Consider these things. Spoil them with your love. If we let materialism get in the way of these things it truly defeats the purpose of the holiday to begin with. I understand the tradition, desire and joy of gift giving at this time - don't get me wrong but a line has to be drawn somewhere. It is not fair for you to get down over all this/depressed or broke in exchange.

    "Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime." ~Chinese Proverb~
  • Wed, Dec 12 2012 9:10 AM In reply to

    Re: shopping within my means, why do I feel I am being " cheap"?

    When I see how much the rest of my family spends on gifts, sometimes I do feel "cheap". However, I'm not still paying for gifts long after the season has passed. I have a budget & I stick to it.
  • Wed, Dec 12 2012 10:23 AM In reply to

    Re: shopping within my means, why do I feel I am being " cheap"?

    I think it's natural for most of us to want to give at this time, most are use to traditions we have followed throughout our lives or created with our families. However, there must be compromise. If someone has a budget to work with it's best to respect that budget and not sacrafice sanity and savings over material gifts. The person will only pay (pun intended) the entire time and after when the budget breaking plays effect which could also increase down/depression that comes with not being able to afford to give the ways we wish we could. The solution? Do the best you can with the budget you can and accept that as good enough. If you feel you need to give more, make gifts or locate freebies and gather those. Find free items, craft supplies, random/misc. stuff on Craigslist and Freecycle. Be creative and have fun. Put heart into and know that this is value'd the most - the heart and love given. There are SO many things one could make with free stuff and things one has at home. Let me just give you an example of something that would drive a kid wild... How about a homemade puppet station made from a cardboard moving box (find free), paint one has at home and some extra fabric or old bedding supplies... Make sock puppets to play with... and for the teen? a used/free compact desk you can paint or refurnish with old wall paper which I have done before with hello kitty wall paper and it was a huge hit. Imagine seeing something like that... and done for free... I know I am not trying to emphasize excess gift giving here but ideas like this do help for those who feel they need to go even more an extra mile and can't settle on their best being good enough. Compromise and be wise!

    "Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime." ~Chinese Proverb~
  • Wed, Dec 12 2012 10:53 AM In reply to

    Re: shopping within my means, why do I feel I am being " cheap"?

    Mysweetpea, You are struggling to resist a whole industry--advertising--that promotes overspending. Don't give into it. My aunt and Godmother is VERY frugal. She used to give me her old magazines and bags of old clothes when she came to visit me. As a child I didn't get many clothes and I loved to read. So getting these things were very appreciated.

    Just recently, she gave me a mirror with a photo of my mother and father's wedding portrait on the back. It was given out as a favor on their wedding day. I had one, but it was rusted and bent. This one was in perfect condition. I didn't view her as being cheap. In fact, I told her it's one of the best presents I ever got. And I wasn't lying. I display it proudly in my living room.

    If you wisely live on a budget and are creative in your gift-giving, you will be teaching your grandchildren an important lesson that they can carry with them for their whole lives.. Just do the best you can and know that they love you regardless of the gift you give. 

  • Wed, Dec 12 2012 11:48 AM In reply to

    Re: shopping within my means, why do I feel I am being " cheap"?

    Wow what a support circle!!! Thank you all for helping me see the reality in all of this. I am all for making memories for my two grand daughters, and my whole family. I was thinking of my mothers sister, who raised my mom when my grandmother died, she always was very generous, big gorgeous packages, etc. She had no children of her own, and always told my mother that santa brings the toys and her and my uncle would buy what ever they felt like . Well every Christmas morning at 6 am they would pull up with presents for all of us, and they couldnt wait to see our toys. WE NEVER got toys from them at Christmas, she would buy us very nice outfits from the better department stores, with everything to go with it, yet, we were the most excited to see them " just because"..... She spoiled us with love and toys and gagets through out the year. They are gone now, but I have no regrets of caring for her when my uncle passed away. She left me with so many wonderful memories. Money can NEVER buy happiness.

    I was also thinking of just doing more fun stuff with the girls this time of year. That in itself is a gift. Just being together . Praise the Lord they live 5 mins from me and I can see them any time I want. And yes I was thinking of making" food" gifts to add a little something to everyone's gifts.

    So now back to my budget, I think one more time out shopping and I will be done. I just have 3 more people to buy for and that is it.

    The free fun stuff I will do with my parents and grand daughters and my dd and sil, are: Drive around and look at all the Christmas displays, We are all going to their Christmas play at church, I have a cantata at my church, and we are planning a family ' Christmas night". Since they like both the girls to be in bed and sleeping by 8 pm, they are coming here one night for a early supper, like around 4, I am making all comfort foods, homemade mac and cheese, home made chicken tenders, and a veggie tray with ranch dip. After we eat, we are watching the Charlie Brown Christmas dvd, and Home Alone 1.  we will munch on home made chocolate chip cookies and hot chocolate and popcorn. LOL Just a old fashioned fun thing to do. You have all made see things so differently. I was kind of down last night, but you all helped me so much. Thank you for your support.

    Ps I had a not so frugal Christmas last year and I am still paying for it, to the tune of 27 percent interest. First and LAST time I will ever do that!!!

  • Wed, Dec 12 2012 2:21 PM In reply to

    Re: shopping within my means, why do I feel I am being " cheap"?

    Sweet, see once again you have figured out solutions to make things work. No more worries. Go enjoy your season and family please. You have a fun line up. WE LOVE Home Alone marathons at Christmas. The 1st one is my ultimate favorite though!

    If the devil trys to DISCOURAGE you again come back to this post and feel the support, common sense and gifts of widsom given. Look at your own comment with your goal list and solutions and know it's going to be okay. You have bounced back just like in your last post like this... You are all going to have a very happy and blessed Christmas.

    "Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime." ~Chinese Proverb~
  • Wed, Dec 12 2012 3:57 PM In reply to

    Re: shopping within my means, why do I feel I am being " cheap"?

    Thank you BB (((((hugs))))) I think I get in these moods after looking at the ads, seeing the commercials, etc. Sharing it here helped me get it off my chest and re group and get back to being frugal and within my budget. I am part to blame, I should have planned better, that doesnt mean spend more on gifts, it just means I could have put money aside, shopped at the end of the season last winter, etc. But I had a new grand baby on the way, I threw them a shower, bought the crib, and tons of stuff from the Carter store. Seven years in between babies, that doesnt leave much " hand me downs". LOL But I believe this time they are saving everything. I DO buy a lot of things for my grand daughters on a regualr basis, not always from the malls etc. I check salvation army alot and they have gotten some great designer outfits, coats, buntings, etc that way. I match carter coupons with their sales and do very well there, etc. So it isnt like I never get to splurge on them
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