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Feeling quite a bit discouraged about our budget

Last post 08-23-2011 10:52 AM by MarthaMFI. 45 replies.
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  • 08-22-2011 8:10 PM In reply to

    Re: Feeling quite a bit discouraged about our budget

    Lee I am so glad you are able to make it work. DH comes from a home where  in the exact words of his father spoken to me "I'll be damned if i'll do laundry that's what I have a wife for".  Now DH has NEVER EVER spoken that way and has always cooked and changed diapers and done a small amount of cleaning but way less than he should. It's hard to come out of that environment and not be a little biased. Perhaps I am biased about thinking a women should never have to work fulltime if she has children except for unusual circumstances. I don't feel that way but maybe I am blind.
    Hell hath no fury like a woman who has lost her coupons
  • 08-22-2011 11:04 PM In reply to

    Re: Feeling quite a bit discouraged about our budget

    lol  I would be on strike. I would stop doing  everything I was doing or just do my share.   me and dh have had these discussions..the more I work the more he gets to do.    of course when I was in the hospital when ds was born..4-5 days cus c section and he had dd and the house to do all by himself...didn't want to be a stay at home parent after that.

    lots of couples we know grocery shop together, clothes shop etc but he would but that is not his thing   I do have to do some mending lol...he is starting to make comments since our new cockatiel likes to chew on buttons and he says don't chew the buttons since mommy doesn't sew them on....I did mention he can do it himself lol.

    Officially recognized Stretchpert in Hobbies and Crafts
  • 08-22-2011 11:07 PM In reply to

    • Lee
    • Top 75 Contributor
      Female
    • Joined on 07-23-2009
    • Texas
    • Posts 1,356

    Re: Feeling quite a bit discouraged about our budget

    4given, I completely agree with you that environment and upbringing play a large part in the way you think and act as an adult. Fortunately, my MIL expected the same in regards to doing things around the house from my DH that she did his sisters. My brothers on the other hand don't do a whole lot inside the house to help their wives because they were never required to so they grew up thinking that's how it is. Both of their wives work full time, one feels the need to due to finances the other works because she's has a master's degree in education and has a passion for teaching. I won't say I have a passion for accounting but I do enjoy my job and with DH's willingness to pitch in and no small kids at home no one is suffering because I'm not at the house from 7:30 - 5:30 because for the most part, neither is anyone else other than the dog.

    I wish I had some advice to give you. The truth is even though you don't get up and go to a paying job everyday you are working just as hard as those that do work full time. The problem is how to get your DH to see that. Several years ago our financial planner brought over an example of what it would cost to replace a stay at home parent in the event of their death. Of course he was trying to push life insurance but it was really interesting. If I recall it was like $120,000.00 a year and that was 15 years ago. In your case you could also add the part time salary you bring in.  I wonder if that would help your DH get an idea of your worth at home.

    Good luck.

  • 08-22-2011 11:19 PM In reply to

    Re: Feeling quite a bit discouraged about our budget

    4givennotperfect:
    Lee I am so glad you are able to make it work. DH comes from a home where  in the exact words of his father spoken to me "I'll be damned if i'll do laundry that's what I have a wife for".  Now DH has NEVER EVER spoken that way and has always cooked and changed diapers and done a small amount of cleaning but way less than he should. It's hard to come out of that environment and not be a little biased. Perhaps I am biased about thinking a women should never have to work fulltime if she has children except for unusual circumstances. I don't feel that way but maybe I am blind.

     

    Uh what are you chief cook bottle washer uh oh the man grunts in the cave man mantaity sorry for speaking my mind this way 4givin sounds like the man gets the woman pregnet and she works in the kichen pregnet and barefoot cooking for the man of the house oh brother sorry Im for rights still I hate the mantality of what men still do now and then I hope things get better or might cool down  if you can be calm and collected easier said then done I am saying let us know how things turn out for you.  You do have forum friends here I am a hardazz when it comes to this but I told you thats how come I got divorced I could have worked it out but I was getting older and then I was mentally totally out of it so moved out just kinda a mini break down but I wish you luck and we are rotting for you I don't no how to spell the word right my spell check is not installed you might get the picture...

  • 08-23-2011 10:03 AM In reply to

    • grame
    • Top 50 Contributor
      Female
    • Joined on 02-22-2011
    • Kingdom of Callaway
    • Posts 1,950

    Re: Feeling quite a bit discouraged about our budget

    MarthaMFI:
    I would be on strike. I would stop doing  everything I was doing or just do my share. 
     

    I have to do this periodically.  He seems to need reminders.  I work full time and he is retired but gets it in his head that everything is "Woman's work".

    I declare to you that woman must not depend upon the protection of man, but must be taught to protect herself, and there I take my stand. ~Susan B. Anthony
  • 08-23-2011 10:52 AM In reply to

    Re: Feeling quite a bit discouraged about our budget

    lol didn't they do a study a long time ago that husbands cause more housework then kids...

    dh does say sometimes it would be nice to have had kids before men had to change diapers etc but all our friends had kids first and all the men did their part. most I know do their part of cooking and cleaning.

    basically dh is logical and so knows  I don't wanna is not an acceptable excuse for an adult.  he does say sometimes ...I don't wanna but I will.   Of course I do most of housework etc but that is by choice and he does most of the outside/car/handyman stuff.   his parents have a split in the housework since they are both retired.

    Officially recognized Stretchpert in Hobbies and Crafts
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