Hello all,

     Yesterday, my SIL came over, and we got to talking about Christmas's of old........back when we were young and dumb, didn't have a "pot to pee in, or a window to throw it out of" as the expession goes.  But that both of us were very happy and remember those days with fondness.  And then I started talking about when I was little and my parents didn't exchange gifts, and the many years that my DH and I didn't either......that was when I noticed the look of horror on her face and I said, "What??????".  She said, "What in the world are you talking about?"  I said, "You know, like when your washing machine died in November, and you decided that you would get a new one, but that would make Christmas tight......so you just agreed (Dh and yourself) that you wouldn't give each other any gifts for Christmas.  Or what you really needed was a new lawn mower, but there weren't any out that time of year, so you said we'll get one in the spring and that will be our gift to each other."  Well, she still looked horrified, and told me that there is no way that she would have agreed to that, and that if her Dh hadn't bought her a personal Christmas gift every year, that they wouldn't still be married.......................and that further more this was the first time that she had ever heard of such a thing and that no woman would put up with it..................................Well, I've been thinking about this this morning and need your thoughts.  I honestly never considered it that much of a sacrifice.......didn't seem weird to me because my parents did it.  Would you be mad if your SO or Dh, Dw didn't get you a gift??????

 

Phyllis

 You aren't weird, you are being responsible and sensible.

Demanding a gift when there isn't money to buy one is selfish and egotistic, immature, irresponsible and thoughtless.  I feel sorry for her husband.

Edey

When you're a little kid, most people aren't aware of the sacrifices parents make to ensure their kids receive gifts at Birthdays and Christmas. Its possible that some people grow up observing parents who also placed emphasis on the type of gifts they receive.

phygar:

Well, she still looked horrified, and told me that there is no way that she would have agreed to that, and that if her Dh hadn't bought her a personal Christmas gift every year, that they wouldn't still be married.......................and that further more this was the first time that she had ever heard of such a thing and that no woman would put up with

As adults, there are some people who put a lot of emphasis on "gifts" and for them its a litmus test of the relationship. Its one thing if the gifts are reasonable and within a budget. Even handmade gifts are nice. Its another if the person is expected to "outdo" last years gift. Having worked in a maximum security prison, there have been plenty of crimes committed by people trying to "prove their loyalty and love" to someone who placed emphasis on gifts. Only time and separation from the relationship do people wise up and realize the truth about the relationship.

phygar:

Would you be mad if your SO or Dh, Dw didn't get you a gift??????

My ex-husband used to give me wonderful gifts and the other 95% of the time he was abusive. I'd rather be treated with respect everyday than worry about whether or not I get a gift. My DH makes funny handmade cards which I adore and have collected. We bring each other stuff and do little things for each other. He's not wild about shopping so I don't put him through the stress of making him find the perfect gift. Every so often I tell him "Thank You for giving me a wonderful life"

That's not weird.  DH and I get each other one or two small things (book, candy, etc.) for our stockings, and the rest is (now) for DS.  We agree on one "large" item of something WE want/need/use and that is our Christmas gift.  Some years we get something, some years we don't.  Last year "we" got a riding lawnmower for our 1/2 acre.  DH is disabled, and this allows him the freedom to mow the lawn without wiping himself out.  Year before "we" each got new cell phones.  Both of ours were old, and always needed repairs.  This year, "we" are thinking of not giving each other anything.  It's more important for us to spend time together than to run out and buy the biggest widget money can buy.

And isn't the reason for the season something OTHER than gifts ?????? 

So no, you are not wierd.  your SIL is a thoughtless, selfish person to say such a thing.

 

 In my humble opinion, this is not wierd at all.....my dh and I do it almost every year.

DH and I do this. It isn't strange... as long as both people agree. Now, if DH went out and bought a lawnmower without telling me and said it was our gift that year, that may be a different story, LOL, even if we needed one. Communication is key.  But in the past, we have done without personal gifts to each other and bought something needed for the house, etc.

Our birthdays are less than a month apart as well and we have done this for our birthdays. No gifts to each other, just one gift for the house. Not that I really wanted new gutters but we needed the $300.

If you demand a gift when there is no money, it is selfish. But even on the years when we had little to spend and decided a new vacuum would be our gift to each other that year, DH and I surprised each other with a little gift like a personalized ornament or a $5 book. We each realized that even though we decided to forsake gifts to each other, we loved each other enough to do something personal and frugal.

Since we bought a new mattress (much needed) and used savings for it, we may decide no gifts to each other this Christmas. But I know my Sweetie will slip something into my stocking anyway, even if it is just a coveted bar of dark chocolate or a paperback book. And I will buy a couple issues of Sports Illustrated or a photo frame from the Dollar Store and put a picture of the boys inside. It is the thought, not the cost, thank goodness! 

But I agree with PP, I never would have made Christmas gifts a condition of remaining married. Marriage is hard enough!

DH and I have done this .
WE have also set a very low price limit when money was tight. Love isnt shown by the gift in the box. Babs

I  totally agree with everyone...you are not weird at all and most Christmases DH and I do not shop for each other.  When the kids were young we preferred spending it on them and now that they are older we still prefer the money be spent on DS, DIL and granddaughters.  They need so much being a young family and all.  We have done combined gifts like most on here have discussed, a new computer, new storm windows etc.  However my SIL feels the same way yours does.  If her DH didn't get her something personal it would hit the fan so to speak.  I feel for him because he stresses every year over what to get her.  One year he bought her a car and she felt that wasn't really a gift because he would drive it too. 

I don't think you're weird. DH and I do get each other Christmas gifts. We don't get each other gifts any other time of year, we only exchange cards. However, if money was tight it wouldn't be a big problem to skip giving gifts to each other. It's not the gifts that make Christmas for me.

Jill

 I'm one that would be upset if DH didn't get me something.  That would be just pure lazyness on his part.  To me it sounds like the gifts talked about here are storebought and $$$.  Not all gifts have to be storebought or even $$$$. I appreciate a $5 gift with lots of thought much more than a $100 gift card thrown my way.

One of the memorable Christmas exchanges was when a family member was unemployed.  He used some creativity and thought to make it ones of the best.  The stuff was not name brand and some was even garage sale but I still have and use the item he gave that year.