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I'm Frustrated by Debt/Income - the psychology of debt

Last post Sat, Mar 3 2012 2:15 PM by jazmartinn. 12 replies.
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  • Thu, Oct 22 2009 1:53 PM

    I'm Frustrated by Debt/Income - the psychology of debt

    By that I mean I either have to decrease monthly debt or increase income. HahahahahahTongue Tied

    I am looking at our credit card bills as they come in this week...bills I did not have until last spring.....and then it was dh telling me that we'll just do it for now and don't worry and blah blah blah and well all it takes is shortened work weeks, increased expenses, a depleted emergency account to pay some medical bills and voila! They magically climb right before your eyes!

    Dh is lucky he's out of the country right now. Wink

    These bills have our vacation from September on them so in the back of my mind I knew it was coming.

    My Point Is: (yes I have one) We had everything but the mortgage paid off last year and didn't start adding debt until around March or April. So what happened? I am thinking it is like a drinking problem. If you are an alchoholic, even a small drink can become a drinking problem all over again.  You think you've learned everything you need to know to handle it. But when faced with the 'just this one time' it snowballs. I know I'm not totally without blame but the decisions were dh's and it didn't work. I think he has a problem , too, but having grown up poor he's never considered himself having a problem with money. I think all this time ...

    ..we have the haves and have nots (me and him). I had everything growing up, he had nothing. He wants the things he didn't have, and i expect the things I had.... both of us being frugal and these being subconcious actions of ours....like an addiction problem maybe?

    Problem is, we need to either increase our income (which i have failed at doing) or decrease our fixed monthly debt (which Is the mortgage...again something I have not succeeded at) This is that rock and a hard place I am living in.

    Michelle in Northern Michigan

    "Those who would surrender liberty for security deserve neither" - Ben Franklin

  • Thu, Oct 22 2009 2:34 PM In reply to

    • MarthaMFI
    • Top 10 Contributor
      Female
    • Joined on Wed, Apr 16 2008
    • New Westminster, BC, Canada
    • Posts 10,850

    Re: I'm Frustrated by Debt/Income - the psychology of debt

    I understand that problem!  I have the same problem of slowly using the cr. cards and they start up.  With all the added expenses this year it doesn't take much to start the debt ball rolling..the why not, just a few things...  trust me I understand!

    The problem is you guys really weren't living the high life, just a basic vacation.  It is normal to want to do the basic things, have a family vacation, go out for dinners and rent dvds once in a while.  And when you can't do the basic things you start to feel really deprived.  I mean it is not like you are jetting off to Paris.

    But when the income isn't there and doesn't go up, it is hard.  Plus you are limited with getting a job because of dealing with your son at the moment.

    but hang in there!  soon your son will be out of the house or paying rent so you can do something to earn more money.

    Officially recognized Stretchpert in Hobbies and Crafts
  • Thu, Oct 22 2009 2:49 PM In reply to

    Re: I'm Frustrated by Debt/Income - the psychology of debt

    the job I had posted about in the general thread a few weeks ago never went past a phone interview [:'(] I applied for one last week at the nearby resort ds worked at last summer and didnt hear anything so I sent a email and resume to human resources and all i got was a 'thank you we'll add it to the app on file' and no real information from them. They are having a job fair in early November so maybe they are waiting to see the qualifications from others that apply. I wanted to apply before then, so my app wouldnt get lost in the crowd and maybe I'd have a better chance.

    the hours are 5pm-1am , 3 - 4 days a week ,which would work good for us.

    I keep going back to that the last time dh made this wage our mortgage was exactly half what it is now, and the boys were under 6 yrs old so we got WIC for them and that helped with groceries.

    Dh and I thought about renting the unheated attic room to one of ds' friends to help expenses a little bit, but that kid lost his job and hasnt found another one yet so i don't want to stick my neck out yet. I may be asking for problems not solutions.

    Michelle in Northern Michigan

    "Those who would surrender liberty for security deserve neither" - Ben Franklin

  • Thu, Oct 22 2009 3:11 PM In reply to

    • MarthaMFI
    • Top 10 Contributor
      Female
    • Joined on Wed, Apr 16 2008
    • New Westminster, BC, Canada
    • Posts 10,850

    Re: I'm Frustrated by Debt/Income - the psychology of debt

    mmm do you want another teenager in the house?  one that doesn't know your rules...

    good luck with the job hunt! I am sure something will come up. too bad Curves wasn't hiring and then you would have free membership too.

    wow that was a cheap mortage. your mortage is half our mortage and we have a cheap one because we bought before housing zoomed up.   would cost us the same to rent. 

    Officially recognized Stretchpert in Hobbies and Crafts
  • Thu, Oct 22 2009 4:25 PM In reply to

    Re: I'm Frustrated by Debt/Income - the psychology of debt

    Last time dh made this wage we paid $425 p/m mortgage w/no money down. Then we bought another house ad our mortage was up to $619 a month but dh's wages were up. Then we got this at almost $900 a month but it was still good because dh was still making good money and we had no reason to think it wouldnt continue. The raises were very consistent over the years. Now he is working with no benefits at $5 an hour less than what he was before, let alone no overtime and no side work available. Coupled with being underwater in a mortgage due to home values dropping substantially, it is hard to work with. I know there are others that are in the same boat we are. Dh is lucky to even have a job!

    Michelle in Northern Michigan

    "Those who would surrender liberty for security deserve neither" - Ben Franklin

  • Thu, Oct 22 2009 4:27 PM In reply to

    • Toni B.
    • Top 25 Contributor
    • Joined on Sat, Apr 5 2008
    • Seneca Falls NY
    • Posts 3,826

    Re: I'm Frustrated by Debt/Income - the psychology of debt

    Cinnamonhuskies:
    .and then it was dh telling me that we'll just do it for now and don't worry and blah blah blah
    Boy that sounds all too familiar. I hate it when someone tells "oh don't worry ... things will be fine". When you know deep down your instincts are correct. My husband handles stress really well and puts things into perspective. On the other hand - I can see potential problem areas ahead of time so I spend time solving them in my head before they ever hit. The most stressful thing for him is trying to keep me calm when something goes wrong like it did this past weekend. I had to issue a "Fraud Alert" on my credit cards. ...And DH is happily out of state hunting in the Colorado Rockies.
    Cinnamonhuskies:
    .we have the haves and have nots (me and him). I had everything growing up, he had nothing. He wants the things he didn't have, and i expect the things I had.... both of us being frugal and these being subconcious actions of ours....like an addiction problem maybe?
    This certainly can be part of the problem. Its just that you are more willing to wait for a better time and pay cash AND he figures there is no better time, just do it now and don't worry about it. I think there are still a lot of people who believe that carrying a credit card balance is a fact of life and never considered other possibilities.
    Cinnamonhuskies:
    You think you've learned everything you need to know to handle it. But when faced with the 'just this one time' it snowballs.
    This applies to so many areas in life ... not just money.
    Officially Recognized Stretchpert in Stages of Life
  • Thu, Oct 22 2009 5:03 PM In reply to

    • MarthaMFI
    • Top 10 Contributor
      Female
    • Joined on Wed, Apr 16 2008
    • New Westminster, BC, Canada
    • Posts 10,850

    Re: I'm Frustrated by Debt/Income - the psychology of debt

    We have been down the road of decreased income and have the debt to prove it.  Dh lost his job a mth after we bought the house and I was 6mths pregnant with dd.  she was almost a year when he got his first full time position at 30,000 less then he was making and is now making almost 20,000 more after 6yrs. so he is at industry standard. there was no jobs going in his industry.

    dh could have done more and I could say more but thankfully we had a settlement to live on and will all the family troubles we had in the last few years, extra energy isn't there.

    Officially recognized Stretchpert in Hobbies and Crafts
  • Tue, Oct 27 2009 12:08 PM In reply to

    Re: I'm Frustrated by Debt/Income - the psychology of debt

    Cinnamon, I think you're just being human. It's hard to adjust to a tight budget where there's no wiggle room. You need to have a little wiggle room for wants. That's what's lacking for you right now. The wants build up until at some point you just have to do something about them, and you did, starting last spring. I hope you can find some part-time something to take the strain off your finances, at least for a while. That kind of stress isn't good for you.

    Jill

  • Tue, Oct 27 2009 12:26 PM In reply to

    Re: I'm Frustrated by Debt/Income - the psychology of debt

    I think that's it....the wants build up over time and eventually explode LOL. I think that's what happened with my oldest son too...the girl he was with made it seem like the grass was so green on her side of the fence....never mind they lost their house to foreclosure but kept on spending like there wasn't a problem.....THAT'S a dangerous way to live. But my son had had it so tight for so long with us that going out all the time to nice places and fun things was exciting. Now he realizes his bank account suffered for it. Having a girlfriend is expensive enough, but one that has those kind of expectations is detrimental to a boy's financial health!

    I would love to have new boots that are on sale at Kmart for $19.99. But I have been waiting it out this week, knowing that what cash I do have should go somewhere else.

    I am mad at my car and wishing I could afford a new one that worked right. During rain storms the past few days the wipers kept quitting, and ds had to stick his arm out the window to push them into moving again.

    Never mind it 'clunks' now when I put it into reverse.

    Yeah, the 'I wishes...'Confused I am so sick of charging stuff, or else I pay cash for things only to find myself short at the end of the month anyway. I swear I know better.

    Michelle in Northern Michigan

    "Those who would surrender liberty for security deserve neither" - Ben Franklin

  • Tue, Oct 27 2009 1:32 PM In reply to

    Re: I'm Frustrated by Debt/Income - the psychology of debt

    Is there any way you can generate more income if a seasonal part-time job doesn't pan out? I know you're out in the country. But maybe something like selling baked goods or crafts, or blogging for income, or dog walking/grooming, working as a temp, or other <fill in the blank>?

    I'm not trying to be mean. I'm just trying to shift your focus to something positive that will take your mind off your current situation.

    Jill

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