This is not meant to start a flame war.

I have been told that funeral prices go up and that it is better to prepay Mom's funeral.

I am not being morbid. I realize that Mom is declining. I am trying to be prepared for her death because I know I won't be thinking straight then.

I know which funeral home Mom wants to use. I also know what Mom wants.  I want to have the kind of funeral that Mom has asked for. That means that I'm the one making the arrangements without any help or interferance from her relatives.

If I never mentioned it before, she wants a tradional Episcopal funeral.....just the Prayer Book stuff & some hymns. She wants to be cremated. According to my realtor and friend, my new church will be there for me to give me comfort and support. According to my nail tech, someone at the beauty shop will make sure that my hair is like concrete so that I'll look okay.

Prepaid is better than just for staving off costs.  It will give you peace during a time when so much will be happening that planning a funeral on top of everything will stretch you thin and stress you out.  My grandma planned and prepaid her funeral.  It was so easy on the family.  We simply made a call to the funeral home where we knew the arrangements had been made and they took care of everything.  All we had left to do was pick the casket spread and show up.  My dad was so distraught that if he had been forced to do this while dealing with his grief... well, it would have made things so much more difficult.  Do it b/c it'll give you peace of mind -- now and later.

What I'm about to say will make me sound cheap. It is what Mom wants.

There is to be no reception afterwards. Mom feels that if people couldn't be bothered to pick up the phone to call me to check on me once a month, then I can't be bothered spending money from her estate on people who don't care and that includes members of the family. I'm leaning towards paying for strawberries for the nursing home residents and staff because they have been there for me.

If things had been totally different, I was to do it right for Mom complete with something everyone loves----except me, of course----chicken salad.

In one of her really lucid moments, Mom told me to go to The Trellis with friends and order fresh strawberries with real whipped cream.

VNW - you are right to say that it is better to take care of these plans now.  Be careful and be sure you have read and understand the prepay contracts.  Prepaying does not always mean you won't owe the funeral home more at the time of the death.  The good thing is that you are not locked into any decision because you signed a contract and prepaid.  You still have the opportunity to make changes along the way if you find something less expensive - including changing funeral homes. 

Here are links to  great informational websites.  There are many PDF files out there you can download for free.  I also included a link to the Federal Trade Commission's website.  As a consumer there are federal laws already in place to help protect the consumer - you - against theft and fraud from a funeral home.  I also included a link so you can read The Funeral Rule and know what your rights are in regards to buying funeral products.

http://www.funerals.org/newsandalerts/national-issues/the-ftc-funeral-rule

http://www.funerals.org/frequently-asked-questions/funeral-arrangements/76-prepaying-your-funeral-benefits-and-dangers

http://ftc.gov/bcp/menus/consumer/shop/funeral.shtm

I have blogged about the extreme expense of funerals and ways to protect yourself from being overcharged for funeral products.  Funeral homes cannot deny you their service or charge you more if you choose to buy less expensive funeral products from another vendor.  Funeral homes are required by federal law to accommodate your wishes to the best of their abilities.  If they can't (or won't) you are free to "shop around".  Know your rights!

http://community.stretcher.com/blogs/r__r_repurpose_and_recycle/default.aspx

Karen

http://www.asimplepinebox.com

http://www.sugarcreekwoodworking.com

 

 What I remember from my best friend who killed himself over 9 years ago.That still pisses me off the funeral

1. He passed way on a Thursday morning & by Friday AM his mother had got rid of 99 % of his things in the trash even when she knew I was coming over to get some of his/my personal things.
2. Family had a Mormon funeral he was not mormon and these people got up and talked about him like they saw him everyday. (They never even met him)
3. The family after the funeral went back to the church to have a big dinner (morbid to me)
4. They didn't want me to speak and repeatly tried to get me not to as I was his best friend & knew  his secrets that some of of his other family memember/church didn't know he was GAY..
5. I remember looking out as I stood up to speak about him that I only knew maybe less then 6 people.( His mom/ Sister/ her hubby.  friends Kim  who he went to school with and her hubby and my dad?) The rest were family from out of town that my friend didn't even know and church people his mom knew. 
6. They dressed him in suit I can still see it as if it were yesterday he would never have wanted that. Must less a lacey blue coffin.

Talk to your mom and do what she wants before hand :O ) prepaid that way ever detail is already covered and no second guessing.

 

 

I talked to the minister back in 2007 about Mom's wishes. He made a copy of the program used for my step-father's service.

Most of Mom's things are here at the house. She has a tv and some other things at the nursing home.

When my maternal grandmother died Mom and I found out that one Catholic nursing home in Richmond would be happy to have some of her gently used clothing. When Mom dies, I will see if anyone wants or needs her clothing (although I really feel that they will be rather worn by the time Mom dies).

we have prepaid .. after the horror of My Daddy funeral ( needless to say my Sisters fought about every thing .. my DH was who Daddy left to make arrangements they flipped because Daddy wanted to be buried up on the mountain with Mother .. he wanted a plan pine box .. ( he brought from a guy my DH knew ..  and he asked our then pastor to say a few words , 

DH and I prepaid completely and we have informed the older chdildren  I would not want my DH or children to have to make arrangments for me .

 

jaya, that bugs me about funerals too when people don't follow the wishes of the deceased. but I guess if there is no funeral plan to follow, its different.   when dh uncle died after a long bout of cancer, he was cremated but wanted the ashes in a creek near his house but his wife scattered them in a new memorial garden at church. 

I would feel uneasy not following last wishes unless they are outrageous like going on the space shuttle.    my dad prepaid his funeral not like many people would be there...

MIL has said cremate her and throw her in the Fraser river. she lived beside it most of her life.  I think fil wants to be cremated too. he is more of a don't make a fuss person.  dh and I have discussed it, cremate and nice memorial service which is fairly standard around here.

no prepaidment though with anyone.

My mother had a prepaid funeral plan and it was a blessing. Shop carefully for this, since the prepaid cremation plan turned out to actually cost more than cremations at competing mortuary chains.

She also specified her funeral arrangements in advance, another good thing to do.  Get a recording on her wishes, if and when she has a lucid day.  My great-grandmother, half Cherokee, wanted to be buried in a red dress.  Her descendants wanted something "respectable"--old lady lavender--and eventually wore her caregiver/daughter down. 

Make sure that you are not allergic to any hair chemicals used for the space helmet.  I dyed my hair just before my dad's death, same dye as always, but I had developed an allergy, probably from stress.  I attended all the services with hives the size of golf balls on my face and shoulders!

You're doing well.  Don't let anyone tell you otherwise or claim that you're cold-blooded for the way you handle these arrangements.

Because you have talked with your mom and you know what she wants the funeral home will be slightly less forceful with you when it comes to making you spend more money.  Make the plans now while you can rationally talk and cope with this, it will be hard for you later.

Take care,

Karen

www.asimplepinebox.com

www.sugarcreekwoodworking.com