I know in a year my oldest will be either off to college or just gone. My youngest will be 3 yrs behind that.

What will i do? I've given my life to my kids literally...through homeschooling mostly. I have put my life on permanent hold since them, and dh and I started having kids immediately after marrying so our whole world is them. What now?

I've heard other couples can't wait when the kids finally leave...then they can focus on themselves as a couple again. I really don't remember what dh and I ever did before kids, having only dated 4 months before marrying and the babies started coming within a year. Dh says we'll get to spend more time together. What does that mean?! when we are together alone, which is rare, we talk about the kids, esp. since the oldest has been a troublemaker.

I want my boys to grow up and leave as soon as possible, but what do I do then? I can't imagine.

When you get it figured out, let me know. My DD will be 16 in November. It aches me to think that I only have 2 more years with her before she might leave.

Maybe it's time to start perusing other interests.  If you and your husband want to take a trip together, say in 5 years, where would you like to go?  How much would it cost?  That would give you a goal to work toward and something to look forward to doing together and rediscovering each other.  Or maybe there's a hobby you always wanted to try, but never had the time to do.  You could start reading up on it, maybe find a forum like one of these and just read what others say about it, learn from them.  Or maybe you always wanted a small home-based business.  If you started now with the bare minimum $ in, that would give you time to let it grow.  My parents started their home-based business when I was 7 or 8 and they were both working full time at other jobs; they grew their business mostly by word of mouth.  They do have the smallest listing possible in the yellow pages, but they do no advertising and make a decent living.  Or maybe you always wanted to take a college course in creative writing or Bronte literature or the Mandarin language. 

I guess my point is to start now and start slow.  Get a notebook, write some stuff down.  You'll figure it out.  I have lots of faith in you!

Start reconnecting as a couple.  Develop interests that you can do together so you have something else to talk about.  Also start thinking about what you would like to do.   Its nice that the kids are old enough so you can leave them for date nights.  Can be just that you like the same tv shows or humor. little things.

Dh and I are falling in the rut of all about kids and not connecting as a couple.    We have interests though they have fallen to the wayside mostly because of kids, parents and household maintenance.    but we were an older couple with long dating history.

Its an easy thing to do.      Honestly I probably will upset when my kids leave the nest but since I have never been away long enough from either of them to miss them yet... more like they are around 24/7...   will be weird when ds is in kindergarten every day!   

ours dont leave the marry and add to the family ... 

my DH and I were alone for three years the rest of the time we had kids .. we still have an 10 year old son and a 14  DD .

lol lets not scare her!   that is getting to be a common thing...raising grandchildren.

raising grandkids?! Oh no...........I love the idea of them marrying and having kids but not before they are old enough and mature enough.

I think grandkids are the best revenge. Good thing my parents have passed away; I'd be getting snickers and chuckles for sure and the occasssional 'serves her right' comment...!

Cinnamonhuskies:

Good thing my parents have passed away; I'd be getting snickers and chuckles for sure and the occasssional 'serves her right' comment...!

I think they are doing that from above.

Michelle, you really do have a lot of emotional things going on in your life. Hang in there!

As much as I don't look forward to the kids growing up and leaving, I know I will have things to do that I enjoy. I have maintained myself as an individual even if I feel that wife and mother define me. I will always be a wife and mother but there is also more to me and there are the things about me that led me to want to be wife and mother.

I enjoy reading, writing, gaming, pretending to garden and other past times. These are fun things now and later I will have more time for them. My husband and I share some hobbies and interests so those are things we do together now and can perhaps do more of later.

Find you, Michelle and get to know your husband as the man you are married to. You might find the search is very exciting and fun.

It's just that I suddenly had the realization this weekend that all this trying to make men out of my boys is working me out of a job....and it should! But then I saw the sad end of it at a family gathering where moms who had kids leave for college and the work world this past week were suddenly alone in the house....some loved it, some cried. That's the parts of it I hadn't even thought about.

I keep trying to think, If I can only get ds#1 to age 18 then his choices are truly his problems to deal with, but unfortunately I don't think it will stop the worrying about him. Maybe not worry by then, but more of concerned. I was hoping for a sense of freedom on both our parts, but perhaps it won't feel as good as I am thinking it will. Seeing the perspectives of the other empty nest moms was not encouraging. They were either sad or indifferent and selfish-sounding. I don't want to be either. But I do want to have something to look forward to.