Toni, yes he is in agreement. We just haven't sat down to figure out what that number should be because ds told us kmart will not give him fulltime hours his first week. DH told him last night that if he didn't have full time hours by next week then he would have to find a second job(yeah DH!). DH raised his voice to Tyler when he was arguing with us and said we told you you need to be working fulltime this summer. Tyler was quite sarcastic. He is so much like me it isn't funny. I sure hope he has better restraint of tongue out in the real world.

I'm chiming in late here with a bit of a different perspective as I wasn't 18. But when I was 22 and had graduated from college, my dad told me that (1) he was proud of me for finishing in 4 years with a 3.5 gpa; (2) law school was a whole lot harder than college and (3) while he would help with tuition (I also had scholarships and grants), my living expenses were on my own from now on as I was truly an adult at age 22. My undergrad was a state school and I had scholarships to cover almost all expenses, btw.

I found an apt for the fall with 2 other girls and my share for rent, utilities and 1/2 of a garage was $300 per month. So I knew I needed a summer job that would bring in minimum of $3600 to cover my apt. I wanted to make $5000 so I could have gas money and have a little bit of spending money!

My dad and I sat down with the pencil and calculator--the week after graduation. My full-time pool/lifeguard job would guarantee 40+ hours and I remember thinking I would have almost $3000 from that job. My second job of teaching private swimming lessons would/could bring in another $500 to $1000. But I wanted more savings (and a bit to spend during the summer, I was 22 after all!). So I found a 3rd job I could work 2 days a week that would cover my shortfall. By the time I left for law school (my parents graciously let me live at home for free that summer) I had $5600 in savings. I worked 7 days a week, sometimes 9 in the morning to 10 at night. I also had to pay my car insurance and taxes. This was 1998 so costs are different now. I was making max $8 per hour any any of my jobs but I was also working 70 hours a week sometimes.

I would recommend you all sit down and break down the college expenses. I know you said there is a need for $22000 next year. Find out what portion is housing and what portion is tuition. Offer to help either with the housing part or tuition part, which ever you think will motivate him. If he has to pay for his dorm/living unit, he may be more careful with his spending. If he has to cough up his own funds for part of his tuition, it may instill a sense of pride in his education. My dad never "forced" me to work as much as I did that summer but I figured out that I had to work that much to cover my living expenses--I had a healthy fear of not being able to pay rent come next spring and letting my roommates down. My dad and I are exactly the same--stubborn. Forcing anything never works with either of us, LOL. Good luck!

4givennotperfect:

we told you you need to be working fulltime this summer

How much of summer does he actually have left?

 

living simple- I was wondering why you would pay student loans for your child?  My dd has a bunch, I think that will be her incentive to work fulltime after school, I have lots of doubts of jobs in her field, but the loans will be her bill.  

My dd is taking summer school this summer, so is not working hardly at all.  Luckily, school is pretty inexpensive, with grants and the state school, living at home and taking the bus.   However, she has traveled, and taken out loans for those classes.  That is going to be her job to pay off, and I think it will be a good education in how hard it is to pay off what seems like small amounts, but quickly eats up money you could have now- maybe a lesson well worth the bill. 

My next is just starting high school, lot of time to plan for him.  

mamasjob:

My dad and I sat down with the pencil and calculator--the week after graduation.

In many families, this ends up in a shouting match. Unfortunately some kids aren't motivated and when they see a "discussion about their future" headed their way, they shut down. And they know that if they Do Nothing & Say Nothing, that eventually the parents will step in and take over out of sheer frustration. Its a passive aggressive approach to kids getting their way by wearing the parents down. We don't like to call it that because parents have blind spots when it comes to our kids. Sadly I think there are a lot of kids (mine included) who are resistant to independence and personal responsibility. They have what I call PCS - Permanent Childhood Syndrome AKA Peter Pan Syndrome (I don't wanna grow up). My kids mother however was short on sympathy.

mamasjob:

I had a healthy fear of not being able to pay rent come next spring and letting my roommates down.

More kids should have that kind of healthy fear but they know if they whine enough parents will break down and give in.

lol.  whining I can't stand!  one way to get in trouble here fast is to whine.  the grandparents can't stand it either so my kids don't do it much of it.

Toni B.:

mamasjob:

My dad and I sat down with the pencil and calculator--the week after graduation.

In many families, this ends up in a shouting match. Unfortunately some kids aren't motivated and when they see a "discussion about their future" headed their way, they shut down. And they know that if they Do Nothing & Say Nothing, that eventually the parents will step in and take over out of sheer frustration. Its a passive aggressive approach to kids getting their way by wearing the parents down. We don't like to call it that because parents have blind spots when it comes to our kids. Sadly I think there are a lot of kids (mine included) who are resistant to independence and personal responsibility. They have what I call PCS - Permanent Childhood Syndrome AKA Peter Pan Syndrome (I don't wanna grow up). My kids mother however was short on sympathy.

mamasjob:

I had a healthy fear of not being able to pay rent come next spring and letting my roommates down.

More kids should have that kind of healthy fear but they know if they whine enough parents will break down and give in.

Oh, my dad and I have had our share of shouting matches, LOL. But one thing my parents never tolerated was whining--I was sent to my room so my parents didn't have to listen to it. I was taught to "figure it out" or that was the response to my "whining" about something not going my way. Sitting down with my dad was most likely in response to me "whining" about how I was going to pay for all of my living expenses the next year. He probably said "let's sit down and figure it out." I didn't know it then, but my dad is really a pretty smart guy, LOL.