General

Re: Should my son pay for a car repair?

Toni B. — Sun, 05 Jul 2009 13:08:38 GMT

ohionative:
Actually, your situation isn't whether to have your son pay for car repairs or not, it's that you & your husband don't agree & stand united to tell him your decisions.

You hit the nail on the head. Your son can sense that you and your husband aren't in agreement. Between this car situation and his quitting his second job, he could be playing you two against each other in order to improve his outcome. In other words, if he doesn't have that second job, then there's less money coming in and he won't have money for car repair, so the FULL burden of repair falls back on you parents.

Re: Should my son pay for a car repair?

ohionative — Sun, 05 Jul 2009 08:42:30 GMT

Actually, your situation isn't whether to have your son pay for car repairs or not, it's that you & your husband don't agree & stand united to tell him your decisions. As a Christian, I believe that I defer to my husband's decisions, so I would agree to have him pay half.I think you & hubby need to talk & discuss what you each are expecting from your son, sounds like you each have different expectations of financial respondsibility .Maybe your husband 's family paid for things cars & college for him & he thinks that's whathe should do too or that his family should have done that , so he wants to do that for your son. God bless,lisa

Re: Should my son pay for a car repair?

MarthaMFI — Sat, 04 Jul 2009 21:47:30 GMT

well since your son hasn't been paying anything, it may be a big shock to pay for the full repair this time but next time.... kids need to learn life costs money.

Re: Should my son pay for a car repair?

Brandy — Sat, 04 Jul 2009 18:06:55 GMT

livingsimple:
I have alot to learn from you all.

Many of us respect and desire self-sufficient living. Most of us desire or work towards being/remaining debt free and paying our own way for things in cash.

By carrying our teen and young adult children entirely or bailing them out of difficulty, we create the very problem we are seein a materialisitic society where people are not very frugal and self-sufficient. Early on there has to be a balance between assisting them and allowing them to learn to be responsible. As they age though, they should take on more responsibility for their own lives and selves.

When our oldest was sixteen, she decided to get a job. We would have never have asked her to pay for housing and utilitity costs. We did expect her to pay for the extras she wanted like $80 shoes and a fancy cell. If she had wanted to attend college, we would have helped her look at options and likely assisted with some costs but not all. Living at home, rent free but not responsibility free is one of the assistances we are offering our kids who want to attend college. We are ok with giving them a car but they have to pay for the fuel they use and maintenance if it's only for their use. We'd cover insurance if the vehicle is in my husband's name and on his policy. There are some other details but I don't recall them all. We will have to revaluate this for son when 18 comes closer.

Re: Should my son pay for a car repair?

4givennotperfect — Sat, 04 Jul 2009 16:45:28 GMT

Well after talking with some friends I believe he should pay for the whole thing. He has had free use of the car for almost 2 years. That's some inexpensive travel costs for a teenager. We paid the last big repair plus we have paid all the maintenance. DH is not going to agree so 1/2 it will be.

Re: Should my son pay for a car repair?

MarthaMFI — Sat, 04 Jul 2009 14:28:01 GMT

personally I think he should pay at least half since he has had free use of the car. He will have learn about paying for the privilage of having a car soon enough.

lucky we live near lots of transportation so if they want a car, they can pay for it themselves. When they are old enough to drive, they can split the bill for young drivers courses.

Re: Should my son pay for a car repair?

livingsimple — Sat, 04 Jul 2009 13:27:54 GMT

I have alot to learn from you all. My daughter pays for NOTHING. She makes about $100 a week babysitting. She's been putting it in a savings account. We are paying for her gas, insurance and repairs, unless it's something she did. She is taking summer school classes to graduate this summer. After that she will be responsible for her gas. We told both kids as they are in school we'd pay for gas, insurance and cell phone. During the summer they pay their own gas. I thinik splitting the repair bill is fair, but I'm sure we'd end up paying it all.

Re: Should my son pay for a car repair?

4givennotperfect — Sat, 04 Jul 2009 04:20:33 GMT

Well the repair ended up costing 800.00. I think DH is probably thinking it was a good idea to have our son pay for half of it. Plus today a truck kicked rocks at my windshield and cracked it in 3 places. Nobody is open anywhere around here to fix it so we are going to have to wait until monday. Hope they can patch it.

Re: Should my son pay for a car repair?

4givennotperfect — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 12:41:05 GMT

Thanks everyone. First DS is more than willing to pay for the full repair. DH thinks it is unfair. The car has been his to freely use for almost 2 years. It has always been considered "his" car and called that b/c he will still be using it when he is home from college and b/c the car was bought for him and eventually his brother. DH suggested having him pay 1/2 the cost as a compromise which I am willing to do. Probem is DH wants it fixed now he said we need the third car which is totally not true. I am more than willing being home to take ds wherever he wants to go and let him have the car when we don't need it. I was going to pay down the credit card some with next weeks check but I guess we will be paying for the car which really is no big deal in the long run. It just means a little longer paying off.

Re: Should my son pay for a car repair?

seaturtle — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 02:37:38 GMT

Perhaps you could do halves this time and then sit down with him and tell him that from now on, he is fully responsible for all car expenses, including gas.Two years is more than enough, and you will actually be giving him a gift by making him responsible. In the real world, as we know, there is no free lunch (or cars, either). Even if you could afford it, you should't continue to let him go on like this

Re: Should my son pay for a car repair?

cheapChic — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 02:14:32 GMT

I agree with cinnamon huskie but if it is a battle ground maybe pay half half but that depends on what you say and the son.

Re: Should my son pay for a car repair?

Toni B. — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 00:56:40 GMT

Pat:
I think you're right. Your son has the money; you don't. That's a good starting point, but the other is that he needs to learn responsiblity. It's my opinion that iIf he's driving the car, he is responsible for the upkeep.

Pat is absolutely on target. You need to be explicit about your expectations and consequences and be firm.

Re: Should my son pay for a car repair?

mommatothree — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 00:15:56 GMT

Ok, my two cents. My parents let me borrow their car in high school, however I didn't have my own car to use exclusively. I was completely responsible for gas, insurance and would have to help pay for any repairs (however I was lucky in that area since my Dad is a mechanic). I had to work hard to have the privelege of using my parents car, by my actions as well as financially.

Personally, I'd make him start helping. If you don't feel comfortable having him pay the entire amount, how about half of it? He has graduated, doing nothing for the summer but working and I don't think it's out of the question for you to require him to assist with the repair costs. Your supplying the car and insurance. That is a major amount of money right there.

Life changes rules mid stream. Your employer changes rules mid stream. You have the right to as well, especially since you've just paid a large amount of money for repairs. JMHO

Re: Should my son pay for a car repair?

2ndGenGranola — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 23:20:00 GMT

What was the agreement when he got the car?

Growing up we got a car, insurance and repairs as long as we were responsible with the car. If a repair was needed because of something we did, we paid for it. If we had a wreck that was our fault, insurance became ours.

To me it sounds like there was an unspoken suggestion that you would be responsible for this since it sounds like it is helping you as much as him. I would really, really think back to the first and not change rules on him midgame.

Re: Should my son pay for a car repair?

Pat — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 22:21:13 GMT

I think you're right. Your son has the money; you don't. That's a good starting point, but the other is that he needs to learn responsiblity. It's my opinion that iIf he's driving the car, he is responsible for the upkeep.