On my online dating profile, I say I prefer someone who is money smart and frugal.  I will tell you I am really leery of someone who has a flashy car and always pays and isn't a doctor or a lawyer.  I will also talk about Dave Ramsey on the first date to get an idea of my date's money situation.  I will talk about my climb out of the credit card jungle too. 

 I have broken up with someone over money when he stopped paying on his credit card and medical bills.  He went months without openning the mail because of all the collection notices and overdue notices.  He also lied to me about how many credit cards he had in default.  He wanted me to fix his problems.  He also wanted a child right away when I told him there wasn't any money for one until he had his car paid off.  I decided the relationship was not in my best interests and turned him loose.  He's a really nice guy but I can't see myself here. 

 I do have a well to do friend whose husband came into a nice sum of money.  She was also raised well to do.  She is a clothes horse with a 2 walk-in closets full.  She is always shopping the sales and convinced she needs something new.  I think it's a pick me up for her.  She is also brighten everything.  I find their jewelry tacky and their purses very overpriced/not into leather either.  I'm thrift store all the way.  We had our friendship hay day before she got married and I was living on my own and making more than her and she was living with her mother paying no expenses.  We went on trips together, went shopping, to movies and out to eat.  She has other friend's who are not so well to do and relatives who are also loaded so she gets to see both sides of the coin.  I will keep her and congratulate her on her new success and see how the other side lives occasionally.

I have another friend who has moved up the ladder in a govt job.  Her husband is in commercial lending.  They look to be doing very well.  They both have finance degrees with MBAs.  Their house is phenomenal.  I am happy for her.  While she was living here, she was working 2 fast food jobs and going to school full time, living on her own and still managing to fund her IRA.  She was proof to me that I could succeed even in a tough situation.  She is frugal.  Shops at thrift stores and garage sales for clothes and her son's toys.  I gave her the Tightwad Gazette books and she has enjoyed reading them.  She and I have much more in common.   

I met a new friend recently.  We are both artistic and into sewing and handicrafts.  She is also disabled but her husband has a good aerospace job so they are not hurting.  The main problem is her bitching.  She is very negative.  Every word out of her mouth is the beginnings of a rant.  I'm getting tired of it.  So far, I have accepted it as a quirk but it is wearing on me.

 There's an interesting article addressing this very thing in this week's Dollar Stretcher: Newlywed Finances: Different Worlds. According to the article, the mismatch can be overcome with some work. I'm not sure all materialistic people would respond positively, but it's something to think about. 

rvijay07:

can we conclude that the High Rate of today's divorce is from materialism and if most folks were frugal, then this high divorce rate will not exist ? 

In my opinion, the divorce rate tied to materialism is a symptom of a much bigger problem. The problem is that people tend to rush into marriage without getting to really know who/what they are getting involved with. There are a lot of people who are "In Love with the idea of Being Married" and settle for a "perceived image" rather than find out what's behind the image. And with credit cards, its been too easy to "build an image" to impress others. I fell into the trap of falling for an image (prince charming who turned into a Jeckyll and Hyde personality) and apparently so did others who posted on this thread. Its a tough lesson to learn and some barely escape with their life and sanity intact. Materialism and poor money management is just one of the first ways problems manifest themselves.

Link to article Pat mentioned: 

 http://www.stretcher.com/stories/08/08aug25d.cfm

 

Toni B.:

The problem is that people tend to rush into marriage without getting to really know who/what they are getting involved with.

 

Great insight! 

To add to that, I really do think that most people don't even know THEMSELVES.  You have to know what you want and who you are before you can make a relationship work with someone else. 

dlw:

I truly believe that people who are into material things have a real void in their lives and are trying desperately to fill it with "things". I know from experience. However, when your value system is intact and your spiritual needs fulfilled that urge to buy goes away.

DL

I completely agree.  I am pretty frugal and being with a materilistic person would drive me crazy.  I mean it is hard enough for me to listen to my coworkers talk about how they spend/waste money to keep up appearances.  Unfortunately the majority of my family members are also extremely materilistic and they think that my frugal ways are just "nuts". 

The most important thing that you will want to do is avoid mentioning how materialistic your friend is. Although this may seem like nothing more than a small remark to you, it is likely that your friend will become angry with you for making it. While you might not want to come out and directly say to your friend, "you are very materialistic," keep in mind that there are ways around this. You can say something like, "wow, don't you think that is a bit much?" if she tells you about the $9,000 dress that she just had to have. Of course, also keep in mind that most people who are materialistic don't usually care what others think about them. If you make a subtle remark, it will probably go unnoticed.

I agree, Richard. From what I have seen (including in my own family), materialistic people are so focused on getting the latest/brightest/most expensive, that any kind of remark on their lifestyle won't penetrate. Or, at best, it will be passed off as humor or jealousy on the part of the speaker.

They're focused in their own way, just as frugal people are. (Granted, not focused on the RIGHT things ... but focused nonetheless.)