<< I still maintain that making anyone, no matter their age, eat brussel sprouts constitutes abuse.>>

For me it's green beans and peaches. Personally, I never made my children eat things that they did not like. The only thing I required was that they at least try 1 bite of a new food and if they didn't like it, they didn't have to eat it.  Both of my children grew up with healthy eatting habits.

Tracy, I totally agree with the 2 vs 3 or 4 yr old thing!  My DS was challenging at times when he was 2 but when he was 3, he was over the top, pull my hair out difficult!  At 4 1/2 he has gotten a lot better but he definitely still has his days!

They do go through these phases and at age 4 (more or less), they are really grappling with their newfound abilities to express their desires, and they really seem to want to control their environment more-by making more decisions of their own and asserting themselves (at the most inopportune times it seems!!)

I am certainly not an expert by any means, but some things that have helped me a bit were to give DS some choices.  Instead of telling him what to do, I give him a choice like "we need to pick up the toys in your room before bed; do you want to do it before your bath or after?"   Stuff like that.

As far as food, DS is really picky.  He has had some food texture issues in the past and still does have strong preferences.  He also gets exceptionally picky when he isn't that hungry.  He definitely goes through stages-non stop eating for weeks and then doesn't eat much at all for weeks.  Usually after he has a growth spurt, he really doesn't eat much for awhile as his growth slows down.  Maybe this is going on with your DD too?  You mention she has recently grown a lot; maybe her growth is tapering off and her calorie needs have slowed down.  I think she will eventually eat!  But again, when I struggle with DS for this I give him choices between a couple of things to eat (I generally have several meals planned for the week so I'll pick two that I don't mind making that night and ask which he would rather have).  I don't force him to eat if he doesn't want to-but he certainly doesn't get dessert or anything else if he doesn't eat.  And I do always try to make sure there is at least 1 or 2 things that I know he likes at mealtime.  I believe that forcing kids to eat when they don't like something or don't want to just creates more battles over food down the road.

Good luck-I really hate those days when I feel like DS and I have done nothing but argue!  Those are tough days and you feel like you have just been nagging constantly!  She'll get through it and so will you.  I wish you peace in the meantime!

depending on the child, I pick my battles. my son is easier then my daughter in many ways.  better eater too so if he doesn't like something I don't worry about it because he eats so many things.  He is definitely getting strange tastes lately. like ham and relish sandwich for breakfast. healthy so why worry.  My dd on the other hand normally has to have a firm push in all areas.

I have to remind myself daily to pick my battles!  DS is so headstrong, which is something that is one of his strengths really and will serve him well in life, but as a 4 yr old it can be frustrating!  I have to remind myself often that some things just don't matter!  Let him win sometimes and I decrease my own frustrationl

The other things I forgot to mention that kind of works with DS eating wise (at least in making him more cooperative with coming to the table and such) is to let him help.  They just LOVE to help.  I'll let him put stuff on the table or let him do things to help me cook (stir a mixing bowl, pour ingredients in, etc).  He gets really excited to show Daddy what he cooked.  It doesn't make him eat things he doesn't want too but it does get him in an enthusiastic mood for dinner.  I don't always have the time or patience to do this but I try whenever I can because it really does make a difference in his attitude.  (In fact, I try to let him help whenever I can; it seems to make him feel important and he becomes much less argumentative!)

that all sounds very familiar, and my local university cooperative extension service had a helpful PDF file on Ages and Stages that described the 3-to-4 challenges perfectly so far as my experience with a DD also about to be 4.

I use standing in a corner 3 minutes as a punishment, and then she has to do whatever it is anyway. I also use corporal punishment judiciously, which hasn't been made a crime -yet!- in my state, but the hysteria always spreads. Not that I condone child abuse, but I don't agree that all corporal punishment is abuse. Abuse can be physical or verbal or psychological, but I think that calling all corporal punishment abuse is like calling all speaking verbal abuse. My opinion and a tangent though. My DD also tried bargaining and telling me she would rather stand in the corner than pick up her toys, but when she learned that standing in a corner still meant she had to pick up her toys afterward anyway, she quit that business. As for going without dinner, if the kid is hungry, she will eat, and if your DD really doesn't want supper, I guess I would allow her not to eat it, although when mine pulls the "I don't like/want that" whch is a recent thing, because she has always amazed other people with her willingness to eat raw broccoli, cooked spinach, pretty much everything... I tell her she doesn't have to eat it but I am not cooking her something else, and I tell her that she doesn't have to finish it, but she needs to eat one bite of each thing. That usually triggers her into realizing she's hungry and she will eat a decent portion.

But she's not that tough a kid, and I think at this age they are really seeing how far they can go in terms of bargaining and pushing limits. Little rules lawyers. A friend coined the term Justice League to describe all the rules lawyering they do at this age.

Hope you have success, at not letting her turn eating or not eating into a bargaining chip with you. They say kids won't starve themselves, and they need to find out that  they can't get a big reaction out of you by refusing to eat. My attitude is "Oh? I am sorry you don't like it, because it will be harder to eat it." DD:" I'm NOT going to eat iT!" me: " Oh dear, I guess you'll be hungry then." And whether she eats or not isn't the big deal, but if she says she's hungry later or asks for something, I say "Oh, ok here's your dinner now that you are hungry."

I also give everyone room to have a few aversions, because I HATE beets and almost can't choke them down, and DH gets nauseated at bananas and winter squash. But that isn't the case with DD saying nearly every night " I don't like ____" when it's something she eats all the time. She also refuses to take baths