My DD is 4 years old and lately we've been having some behavior issues.  For example, when we have dinner maybe 1 night a week we have a battle of the "I'm not eating that."  And she'll just go to bed without having eaten and the next morning we're back to normal.  But the dinner time battle has been every night for over a week.  Another example: during the day she normally has out 2 or 3 toys at a time and she'll play with them together; i.e. she'll use her blocks to make a town or a house for her littlest pet shop pets and her my little ponies.  Lately she's been pulling out ALL of her things and then screaming at night time when it's time to pick them up.  Generally speaking, if necessary, we'll do a time out or we'll take away a priveledge or a special item or time (a stuffed animal; story time; etc.).  She's exceptionally smart and this has been a growing summer for her, literally.  She's grown 3 inches and gained 3 lbs.  From age 3 to 4 she barely grew an inch and put on only 1 pound.  I'm not sure if the growth spurt has caused emotional growth to be stunted (for lack of a better term) or what, but each day seems to be filled with endless battles.  Sometimes I think maybe she's tired, but even though she doesn't take naps (hasn't since she was 2), she does sleep almost 12 hours a night.  DH says we just need to stay consistant.  But it's hard to stay consistant when you're kid seems to be one step ahead of you.  She'll *ask* to be put in timeout rather than eat dinner.  She'll *ask* to have her story time taken away.  She says she wants her things taken away.  It's like she's bargaining with me.  I'm just at my wit's end and don't know what to do with her.  I'm not sure if anyone can help or not, but thanks anyway for listening.

I'll be keeping you in my prayers that all hairs stay in and none turn grey!   (Seriously praying since you do have a smart one).

sunshinetreva:

she's been pulling out ALL of her things and then screaming at night time when it's time to pick them up

 

If you can catch her in the act of taking out all the toys,just remind her she has to be the one to put them away, say sothing like "I know you don't like having to pick up all these toys at nite, do you think it would be a good idea to put some away now instead of waiting?" It's worth a shot. and as far as dinner, maybe tell her early in the day what she is having for dinner so she can get in the "mindset" of eating the chicken or whatever you're having.

Good luck!!

In The Tightwad Gazette is a story about how Amy D. handled eating problems with her kids.  She only had to punish them 3 times each and then they would eat food they didn't like and would clean their plates.  It's worth a try.

After Cristobal leaves our area, do you want to go to lunch? I have enough $$$ in my budget if you like Mexican food.

I've heard that Miriam's Mexican Cafe on J Clyde Morris Blvd. is good. I also heard that there are a couple of other good Mexican places.

I do clean ups during the day. before lunch, before dinner etc. If I wait until night time they are too tired especially my son who is almost 4. He will say all the toys can be throw out etc if I threaten that.  He still naps sometimes and can be cranky in the early afternoon even without a nap.  If you think she is delayed, she may be going though the terrible 3's or as my friend says the argumentive 4's!

Sounds like she just going though a change.  a little more freedom and control over things.  She might not be hungry if she goes to bed and doesn't eat. My guys would be up in the night hungry.  

One thing with my dd who is a fussy eater etc.  5 1/2 now.  the dessert threat works sometimes.  or the you are eating it no matter what or straight to bed, no story no anything. and we eat about 5pm. my thing is you will lose all story time etcs and still have to do it.    My friend's rules is 3 bites must be eaten.

little kids can be overloaded pretty easy.

 

I saw something similar to this on another forum where the neighborhood child would come into someone's home and would arguing/bargaining about "everything". Sometimes they will pick up habits from other kids and sometimes its a stage. In your case, check into some of DD's influences. Does she have playmates who carry on like this? Does she see shows on TV where the kids are verbally sparring with adults? DH is right, stay consistent. She has to learn about limits, boundaries, rules, respect and acceptable behavior. When you speak to her about her behavior, get her full attention, look her straight in the eyes and tell her what you expect. There will be days when all you feel you are doing is disciplining your DD. When my kids were growing up, there were two ages they were positively horrible and that was ages 4 and 10, when they attempt to assert their independence. Good Luck.

sunshinetreva:

 DH says we just need to stay consistant.  But it's hard to stay consistant when you're kid seems to be one step ahead of you.  She'll *ask* to be put in timeout rather than eat dinner.  She'll *ask* to have her story time taken away.  She says she wants her things taken away.  It's like she's bargaining with me.  I'm just at my wit's end and don't know what to do with her.  I'm not sure if anyone can help or not, but thanks anyway for listening.

 

 

Your hubbie is right, you really need to stay consistent, regardless of whatever you decide to use as a teaching tool.

 

When she asks for a specific punishment, it sounds like she is trying to control the situation/punishment.   If you allow her to begin to do that, then you as a parent have lost control, and you don't want that to happen.   You are the parent, not her.  

 

 

I did what the Tightwad Gazette suggested.   It worked for us too. 

misscas:

In The Tightwad Gazette is a story about how Amy D. handled eating problems with her kids.  She only had to punish them 3 times each and then they would eat food they didn't like and would clean their plates.  It's worth a try.

Consider the possibility that they really loathe certain foods? Cooked brussel sprouts still make me gag. I cannot eat them. Likewise green peas. I sat at the dinner table for two hours once, but I didn't eat those *&%# peas.

I realize kids can be sometimes unreasonably fussy, but recognize that everyone has strong likes and dislikes. I still maintain that making anyone, no matter their age, eat brussel sprouts constitutes abuse.

I always think terrible two with an occasional scream or throwing themself on the floor, is nothing compared to a three or four who is exploring their power on the environment and trying to make sense of being with others, after being pretty darn self-centered the first 2 1/2 years.  A smartie makes it even harder, and makes the battles that much more determined and crushing- you don't want to squash that little spirit, but they do need to do some things.  You need to pick what's going to be the most important.

My three year old is my hardest.  She is the most headstrong little girl God put on this earth.  But she makes up stories and songs, asks for kisses- I find I really have to look at expectations almost monthly, it's that fluid of parenting when they are smart and swiftly travleing through phases.  It's even harder when they are emotional, like she is.  Luckily I have a few even keels to balance her out.  They are smart, too, but didn't need to test everything a hundred times.  Lots of times I realize at the 80th time that they've grown, and maybe we should talk.  

Sounds like you are doing things well.  Children don't respond immediately, that may be what's seeming not to work. She'll start eating and picking up in about 20 years.