I don't mind OFFERING food from my pantry/freezer to someone, but to be ASKED?! Did she think she could pick out whatever he wanted?

Just say no. You may have to say it twice.

Hey Everyone!

Just an update on my "friend". I took your advice and stuck to my guns and kept saying no. She placed another take out order with my restaurant yesterday, and invited my family out to eat a couple nights ago. I told her we could not afford to go, was she paying? Of course not lol. I am going to put a little distance between she and myself for a little while because honestly, I've never been this upset with her. My dh works hard, and i work hard for tips, and we have our kids with one being disabled, so with her knowing my situation I was hurt with her outright negligence of the money she got after begging off me. Btw she got money from grandma, who always bails her out. She got $300 so in my opinion, her freezer should be full now, but it's not. The money is in my boss's register and the other place she visited.

I have helped her do budgets before to no avail, so all i can do is pray she will get it one of these days.

Thank you all for your support in this, it is hard for me to back away from a friend of 20 years, but I have to protect what's mine.

Swedluv, I am just jumping in here, haven't even read your whole thread, so I hope I am not stepping on anyone's toes. I have a step daughter that is like this, always trying to find someone to bail her out. Always taking, but never giving. It's hard, because she uses her own children to get what she wants. She is lazy and unmotivated. I really dislike what I see happening with my grandson, but I can't do anything about it. We tried! We took her in last year for the whole summer, trying to teach her to budget what money she has and become more responsible. It was only supposed to be for a short time, but it kept extending. She never lifted a finger to help and my work load increased greatly, as well as our food budget and other expenses. We gave her a date to be oout and she moved, but I will never do it again. Never.

I feel for you and hope that you find comfort in knowing you did the right thing. Even if you lost this friend, you have saved your sanity and your family.

Blessings,

Kathy

Cinnamonhuskies:

Just say no.

Thank you Nancy Reagan! --and cinnamonhuskies--  Just say NO!

Thanks Kathy! I don't think I have totally lost her, but I have to put some distance. I'm learning really quickly that the old saying is true: "You can't help someone who won't help themselves first."

Its hard with an old friend, there is definitely a sadness.

swedluv:

I am going to put a little distance between she and myself for a little while because honestly, I've never been this upset with her. 

Putting distance between you and her might be a good thing I've had some friends that I've had to come straight out and say "I can't be friends with you any more cause of the way you handle this situation" (in one case her ds called the cops everytime her dh hit her, when she finally left him she left her ds with her exdh cause her bf didn't want him around). If you do resume a relationship with her tell her about the loss leaders that are at the store and suggest that she start stocking her pantry while they are on sale just incase she needs them later. Then offer to teach her how to cook from scratch. Either she'll start keeping a stocked pantry or she'll stop asking you for fear of learning how to be frugal. To some people thift isn't a sign of intelligence it's a sign of the end of the party and something only poor and old people do.

nanagain2000:

To some people thift isn't a sign of intelligence it's a sign of the end of the party and something only poor and old people do.

nanagain You, my dear, hit the nail on the head. There are a lot of people who are destined for this reality check. There are some people who'd rather hear and buy into "feel good" messages rather than deal with changing how they do business. And I respect how you come right out and state your position. I've had to do the same thing.

swedluv:

Btw she got money from grandma, who always bails her out.

I wanted to add that this is your friend's problem. As long as grandma enables your friend to keep behaving this way nothing will change. Sad but true. Maybe you haven't lost this friend completely, but things will be forever changed, because she can't see your struggles when she has her own personal money line to bail her out.

I have a strict rule of never lending friends money it has ruined friendships in the past.