Tracy, go for the Food Stamps. It'll really help your family.

I very much dislike when people refer to Food Stamps, Unemployment Benefits, etc. as a "hand out."  The taxes you pay when working is what covers these programs.  Its not a hand out when you've already paid for it.  That's what the programs are there for.

I meet the same sentiment with my dad, Miss Paula- he raised 8 kids on a social worker salary, without ever getting free lunch or anything, we just scrimped and saved and made do, and made it, and now, he says, they have more disposable income than ever in retirement, because he's not buying 12 gallons of milk a week!  We enjoyed a station wagon, a week at a cabin, pets and a piano growing up.

  He thinks my dh makes way more, it should be a piece of cake, and we must be living the high life. 

Some differences- we are paying more percentage of our incomes for housing, heat, and medical expenses than in the past.  Jobs were more stable, my dad retired with 30 years and a pension.  He never had to move for a job.  When you change jobs, as we have done, all the retirement, money paid on the house, deductilbes met, all gets reset to zero.   I went into a similar job as my father, and got laid off once, which cascaded to a move out of state and a unemployment stint.   Dh has worked 20 years in advertising, a more unstable position.  Employers used to to be more invested, i think, in their employees.

"Maybe we are "old-school", believing that, with two hands, strong backs, and reasonable intelligence, we could provide for our family."

It is my fear, that we will be viewed as not using our four hands, strong backs, and reasonable intelligence to provide for our large family as well.   That we are doing something wrong, it should be fine!

Auughh!  Your comments again make me think that there is no way we should need food assistance, we should just grow food and work harder and move to a tiny house that is foreclosed and not complain about a job loss.  I keep going both ways.  Can we work harder, eat cheaper, make it work?  Miss Paula, you are not speaking out of turn, these are the very thoughts I need to think about! Your perceptions are those of many! 

Also, God takes care of the lilies of the field and sparrows, but did he not put compassion in legislators and senators hearts to provide for economic aid to be put in place?  Is it a problem or a solution?  

Thanks for reading.

 Edited to add- thanks Ariana and Deb-

Deb, you can go buy a partial month statement at your bank, mine is $3 if I have lost one, which I did last year, cleaning for a party!   

Dear Tracy, For Heaven's sake, you have been struggling for so very many months to make ends meet!  You have been doing all that you can.  Thinkof your children; tehy need to eat well.  The Government allots Food Stamps for a purpose:  to extend a hand to folks who are below the poverty level.  Why, if I understood how to run a poll ont his Forum, I'll bet that hands down, Forumites would vote that yo u should take the Food Stamps.  You are most deserving!  Love in Him, Deb

Tracy, I can't offer any advice except that which has worked for OUR family.  If anybody understands the financial aspect of raising a large family, my husband I certainly do!  I will tell you this:  Most people thought my husband and I were using our two hands and strong backs, but I think they questioned whether our intelligence was REASONABLE--ha!  Miss Paula in Texas

 Tracy, you have  had lots of ideas and advise and opinons. The only person that really matters is G'd. You and your DH pray and He will lead you to the right decision. His ways are not our ways. I have said it before, He owns the cattle on a thousand hills and all the rest in between. He blesses and gives in many different ways. If you and DH feel led to cash in the IRA, do it. If you pray and have the feeling down in your gut that it is wrong. Trust that He is giving you direction. We are just human and cant know how G'd plans on working in your familys situation. Dont worry about the wrong decision. G'd uses those too.

Father G'd, I pray for Tracy and her family that you will guide them , give them wisdon from on high about their financial decisions. Bless them as they honor You in their lives. Thank you for the blessing of their children. Provide all their needs from your riches in glory in your will. In your name, Amen

love and lots of prayers,  Babs

Ariana, I appreciate the kindness of the folks on this forum to offer assistance to any/all who are in need.  In my opinion---and we are ALL allowed to share our opinions--food stamps are a TEMPORARY solution to a CONTINUING problem, which is feeding 9 people on one income.  My advocacy of gardening is frugal in its basis--for less than $100 investment in seeds, plants, and supplies and HARD WORK, there can be a CONTINUOUS ( by saving seeds and learning to propagate new plants) supply of fresh vegetables and fruits and, possibly, be able to barter the extras for other foodstuffs.  Just think--through the efforts of our own hands to be assured a large part of our food supply--and we should be eating more fruits and vegetables than any of the other food groups--would be literally at our fingertips!  And, quite honestly, I'm not even offering it as a solution to better health or the ecological problems in our world brought about through large-scale large-farm gardening, although the health/ecological benefits of growing our own food are quite well-known!!   

I am not against food stamps at all.  As folks in this thread have stated, they are for people who find themselves without the financial/physical resources to adequately supply their own food needs.

Just my opinion, y'all--Miss Paula in Texas 

Dear Tracy, Here in CA, all public benefits' agencies require paper bank statements for the full month, else they think that you are trying to hide something ....  Yours in Him, Deb

Paula, I think you misunderstood what I was saying.  I wasn't referring to anything that someone here on the forums had said. However I know that there is a stigma attached for many in regards to Food Stamps...i.e. like "government cheese."  I don't think Tracy should feel badly for taking Food Stamps if she qualifies for them, because those are things that our tax dollars pay for while we're working. The same with people who feel ashamed to take unemployment when they've lost their job because its a hand out, but its not, you pay unemployment benefits out of every paycheck.

latenightleader:

"Maybe we are "old-school", believing that, with two hands, strong backs, and reasonable intelligence, we could provide for our family."

It is my fear, that we will be viewed as not using our four hands, strong backs, and reasonable intelligence to provide for our large family as well.   That we are doing something wrong, it should be fine!

Auughh!  Your comments again make me think that there is no way we should need food assistance, we should just grow food and work harder and move to a tiny house that is foreclosed and not complain about a job loss.  I keep going both ways.  Can we work harder, eat cheaper, make it work?  Miss Paula, you are not speaking out of turn, these are the very thoughts I need to think about! Your perceptions are those of many!

You ARE providing for your family.  You have both been hardworking and responsible--now it is time for a TEMPORARY change and accept whatever services and help you can qualify for where you are at NOW.   NOW is the present, it isn't your entire past together, nor will it be from every single day onward.  You have worked, you have paid taxes, now it is time to reap the benefits of those very social programs you and dh have responsibly supported for years. 

Can you access Angel Food Ministry in your area, WIC, food programs, etc? 

Try growing some fresh veggies and herbs in containers.  It will help some but also is a nice relaxing hobby.  

I didn't realize you had "so many" kidlets--very obviously you are working OVERTIME as a SAHM so forget the suggestion I made about going to work full time.  Expenses will make it non-productive.  

Now is the part where I will probably sound rude or step on your toes and that is NOT how this is meant.  

BOUNDARIES.  You need to stop sharing your financial details, day to day financial concerns and struggles and choices for obtaining food, etc. with your family members.  They do NOT need to know any of this.  These are personal private details to be shared with your spouse, not family.  It really is nobody's business, at all.  

There is a good book called, Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. Henry Townsend.  You need to read it to better understand what I am trying to explain.  

As far as moving to a smaller more affordable house, etc.--all these sacrifices are TEMPORARY and not permanent.  Each of us are unique at how we view our house, car, etc. so take this as it is intended. 

We went through a life changing struggle a while back and it only helped to solidify, for us, the lifestyle changes we were beginning to initiate before we lost our income and dealt with a life threatening illness.

 NOTHING, NOTHING, is ever going to stand in the way again of our financial security and personal health and well being.  No amount of sq. footage, nice shiny car, nice shiny "stuff", family pressure to continue on as we had, is worth it. 

We have changed our lifestyle 100% and now have financial and spiritual peace. 

Well, the car broke this morning- a $1,140 bill later, we have cashed the IRA, and are going forward with pursuing food aid.  It was further solidified by the news from dh that the expected "internship" wage for the job would last a full year.  In the long term, this is a financially positive move, but we are now prepared to fininsh up paperwork and get going with the resources we need for the next 14-18 months.  Plus the medical needs of my one year old will make the purchase of some more expensive, high caloric foods necessary, she will need some kind of formula to grow better.   

I also spoke to my mom and she was very supportive.  She is one of my favorite people.  She said she thought that it was the logical and common sense thing to do, she has been offering to help us out for months, they are on a fixed income.  I think she'll feel better knowing that we are able to purchase healthier food, she's been bringing over milk, noodles, peanut butter, cereal, a bag or so a week.  She and my dad both have social work backgrounds. She raised 8 kids, just about 6 blocks away.  

I feel much better about the decision, and feel God put people and events in my path to make it happen.  Dh feels God doesn't "micromanage,"  but I feel he very much has a hand in our daily struggles.  I am very peaceful now about the way we've come to this.   I am also looking forward to going to the grocery store in the near future and buying a cart of food we like, it has been hard depending on the assortment of food we've received from the free food sites.  Looking forward to produce, cottage cheese, parmesan, lots of milk, yogurt- all the things that have gone from basic to luxuries in the last several months.

Thanks for input and prayers.  Babs, thanks for helping me realize God is there with us in these type of things, easy to think we have the answers, when sometimes we really don't have to work so hard for them, just have faith. Deb, Ariana, Rolo- good advice- thank you again-

Edited to add- thank you for advice on gardening, I think LL can appreciate that we had a snow warning last week, it is a very short season in MN and we live on a surburban plot.  You would have to be very talented here to grow much towards your needs, and I'm not!   I do grow a little, but we can only count, I think, LL, on 100 frost-free days, is that right?  We are just now getting to the point of planting.  I will use apples, rhubarb, tomatoes, chives for sure, from my house and friends, but in terms of harvesting in a substantial way it would be hard to do in a backyard with trees.  It is illegal in a front yard.   We have had, I think, so far this year only two days that hit 70. The joke was to try to find a lake that the ice had gone out on for the fishing opener, on Mother's Day weekend.  They showed boaters manuvering through ice, and said it is NOT recommended!  

Thanks again.