I am sorry that you are having such a rough time convincing your husband that being frugal and cutting down spending is a good thing worth the effort. I can hear/feel your frustration.
My advice (for what it's worth) is to be frugal with the things that are within your control. Being a stay-at-home-wife/mom, you have many opportunities to contribute to the overall frugal picture. For instance:
- become a frugal shopper (i.e. cutting coupons, shopping deals, stock up when things are on sale, etc.)
- become a thrifty chef (learn to cook more from scratch, which saves money)
- hang clothes to dry (uses much less energy and gets the electric bill down), etc.
- next time you purchase lightbulbs, buy the CFL ones that use less energy
- learn to make your own cleaners, rather than buying the expensive ones in the store (you can find lists on the internet for recipes, including uses for basic items like vinegar, lemon juice, baking soda, etc.)
- if you are able to sell crafts or anything like that, then use whatever extra time you have to put towards making more to sell.
As the manager of your household, you have more things in your immediate control than you think!
I also want to say that it sounds to me like there is more to this than just a husband who is unsupportive in your quest to become more frugal. It sounds like you and your husband are having miscommunications about you staying home and the issues that come with that. I believe that having one spouse stay home is a great decision for a family, but there are many things that must be discussed and agreed apon to make it work and to avoid attitudes such as this. As a Christian, I am a strong believer in the benefits of someone staying home to be the manager of the household, a wife and a mother. I feel that these roles for women are God-given and should be given just as much respect as any outside of the home work. You are working just as hard for that money - your work is just being focused in a different area. So, stay focused on that and give yourself a pat on the back for all that you are doing for your family! Let that be your encouragement.
Don't let your husband's negative attitude sway your quest to become more frugal. Continue to find ways to become more frugal and let your husband see that you are determined. Once he sees that you are saving money, he may become more positive about becoming frugal himself. Let your actions and attitude sway him!!!!
PS. I don't mean to offend anyone with my views on women in the household. I, personally, work outside of the home right now (which I hope will change one day soon, when my frugality pays off!). But I am still a strong believer in the overall benefits to the family and household and I also think that it's a "career" that should be more respected than it is in today's society.