Do what you can and let it go. It's maddening I know. But it sounds like he has tried and put out some effort even it's very small. Applaud him whenever he does anything frugal even if it's little! You know, reward good behavior. But by charging your cards up in retaliation doesn't do either of you any good. Don't make yourself a martyr in front of him or others either by making a big deal about going without this or that while he buys new stuff. That will have the opposite effect and is counter productive.

I feel for you and will pray for your family. Sometimes money struggles in a marriage are symptoms of a relationship issue....If you've done Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University, listen to the audio on relationships again.

 

Tinamarie, a few questions for you, OK?

1.When you are making money and putting it in an account, do you pay bills that he normally would pay when you don't have the money?

2. Does he always allow the bills to go delinquent before paying?

3. Can you talk to him about this problem without saying the dreaded "You should, You need to?"

4. Could you support yourself and your children if you were to separate and or divorce?

5. Do you discuss all the finances with him? Example, the rent/mortage is due on the 10th of the month, can we pay it everymonth?

I used to think that I was the one who needed to be in  control of our finances to make sure DH couldn't live without me. I was needed so thereby he wouldn't leave/divorce me. I learned from a long time of living with him that I had the problem he didn't. So I started to talk to him about the finances, and let him decide what we were paying and when. He soon learned that balancing that budget he wanted to live in was danged near impossible. He finally decided to allow me full desgreation in our accounts and we  now have the money saved to pay off all of our bills and some.

I did learn thru all of this, that I can only control myself, and he must control himself. Even if he doesn't agree with you about the budget you can only do so much and then it is up to him.

It may be hard to do, but you may have to let him go, either let him take care of the bills or leave, so you can do it yourself. It really does boil down to that, in the end.

Ann Landers always said" ask yourself if your life would be better without him," and if you can then that may be where you are heading, by yourself. In the end, it is really all about you and he and if you can learn to live with him, and his money problems. JMHO tho, not something written in stone.

I have quit "just blowing" money and using my c.c. so that in itself is good. I have also decided to try to get my husband to listen to the Dave Ramsey CD's that came with my kit. I think that maybe Mr. Ramsey can inspire him to look at the future and make some changes. I can only change myself so I am doing what I can for now and setting aside money and when I can I will invest. Hopefully he will join me in my efforts sometime in the future.

A counselor can be a help, but not always. The one my first wife and I went to thought it was okay to clean out the savings for a trip to Disney World. I would say that if half of the marriage is vehemently opposed to it then it is not okay. The counselor told her that I was meticulous about car maintenance/appearance because of job stress, when in reality it was (and is) because cars are expensive and they last longer if well maintained. I even waxed my bicycle in Jr. high school.

I have heard of people going to two or three different counselors before they found one that "clicked" but that requires commitment to the marriage. In her case it was an insistence on taking out a loan for a pleasure trip when we were already flat broke, which to me was simply a mathematical impossibility, so she left. It was a while before I realized that she was, from my perspective, just selfish and sloughed off basic responsibilities. Some people can live that way - I've written before about the couple DW and I know who are $400-500K in debt.

A book you might want to read is one titled "Please Understand Me II" by David Keirsey, about different personality types. The web site is at http://www.keirsey.com/ and there are descriptions of four main personality types and sub-types within those. You will almost certainly see characteristics of both yourself and your husband there.

Bearing in mind, of course, that this is just one author's opinion and it is not to be taken as the last word. But I found the book a fascinating read since it described the reasons for so many of the (apparently) strange and illogical things that people do.

I have looked over this post several times and it is so painful. I also have a  liberal thinking husband in regards to finances. In the past year or two we had over $26,000 in CC debt. He thought it was no big deal. The creditors called constantly. He would make a plan, but not pay toward it. We really did not have extra to pay. All of the debt was for non-necessities he charged. He is a Christian man and thought the Lord would get us out of this predicament. HE did but not in the miraculous way my husband wanted. We were able to pay this completely off, but had to use unexpected resources. Although I didn't have anything to do with making this debt, I had to week by week send in payments and deal with the creditors.

 We been through the Dave Ramsey course, DH does not like this system. Did the Larry Burkett system and other systems too. Dh is very "dreamer" oriented. Finds get rich quick ideas and wants to run with them. Older children are out of the house now, but still have a high schooler at home. I think it would not be good to separate right now. I don't think he wants to change, most of my thrifty ways offend him. Thanks for giving me a place to vent. This is my cross to bear for the time being.

Reading the above post reminded me of a post I read today on one of the regular blogs I read The baglady....she did a very good post today on her thoughts about God providing financially 

http://baglady.dreamhosters.com/ 

 Darlene, remember that if you are both Christians and you believe that He brought you together then you can survive. The Bible says that when we marry the two become one flesh That means that when you hurt, he hurts too. He is a man and just handles things in a different way. Dont give up. Pray for wisdom and patience and for G'd to change your DH heart. If you love each other, remember that love covers a mulitude of sins even the ones with money. Please feel free to vent here any time. It helps to get it out and better with us than DH. Remember with G'd all things are possible. Babs

I just got done reading recflections on Easter-how god provides---- it is a good reflection within our self...:)

cynthia

Thanks for your encouragement fellow posters! I'm hanging in there with great expectations for the future.

any process or thought about unfrugal spouses!  I would have to confess I am the unfrugal one at the moment but not big amounts!