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My Best Friend Makes 4x's as much as I do

Last post Thu, Feb 21 2008 1:42 PM by Keriamon. 5 replies.
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  • Mon, Feb 11 2008 4:02 PM

    • kgalea
    • Top 500 Contributor
    • Joined on Thu, Jan 3 2008
    • San Francisco
    • Posts 32

    My Best Friend Makes 4x's as much as I do

    Hi Frugal Forum,

     I'm hoping to get your input on my situation.  I have this best friend, "Annie".  She's awesome - totally the best friend I've had in YEARS.  We met about 7 months ago and our friendship has developed into such a beautiful thing.  I truely don't know what I would do without her.  In fact, we're such good friends, that we've decided to take this huge 6mo trip to Australia in Sept and live together there. 

     Let me get to the point, however.  We never talk about money directly, but I know she makes at least $80-90,000/ year.  I'm struggling off of $26,000/year in San Francisco!   We both need to save about $10,000 to get over  to Australia.

     I don't know if I should directly bring up a money talk with her or not???

     When we go out, everything really adds up....food, taxi, drinks.....I can afford to blow $60 bucks once in a while...not every weekend.  I find myself struggling to keep up with her.  See, I would take the bus, eat my homemade meal, and pre-drink at home before going out to save money.  However, since she has made big money for years, she is used to the finer things in life, and I feel funny asking her to be frugal with me. 

    I know she chips in more than her share A LOT.  I really appreciate that - but I hate feeling like a charity case.  At the same time, I know that if I was the rich one, I would totally pay for her, too.  In fact, I would probably pay for her more if the tables were turned. 

    Part of the reason I'm broke is that I'm back in school and only working part-time - trying to figure out my career choice.  So, I wonder if she sees me as lazy or what. 

    She has such nice things - I wonder if she feels bad for me.  Although she is not a snob AT ALL.  

    So, now she wants to go to LA this weekend.  She said she "was going whether I come or not" so she would pay for the rental car.  I would LOVE to go, but I know things wills add up....gas, dinners, clubs.....If I wasn't saving for Australia, this would be easier....but only a little bit.  I don't know what to do.  For now, I have some money.....but....I hate to cheap! 

    I guess I don't really know what I am asking of you all - I just need to not feel so crappy about this!



  • Mon, Feb 11 2008 4:12 PM In reply to

    Re: My Best Friend Makes 4x's as much as I do

    I would have a frank talk with her about your situation.  I think since you don't expect her to pay, she doesn't mind. I would feel that way. good friends are hard to find and she may think it is worth treating once in a while since you are a good friend.   Good friends don't mind doing things (money wise or not) for each other as long as it is not all one sided or assumed.

    My Family's Interests
  • Mon, Feb 11 2008 4:16 PM In reply to

    • Brandy
    • Top 10 Contributor
    • Joined on Wed, Mar 28 2007
    • Saving in South Mississippi
    • Posts 25,145

    Re: My Best Friend Makes 4x's as much as I do

    It sounds like you have goals and are needing to keep your spending down to achieve them. If you enjoy going out with her, you could set a budget for how much you can spend and not go out when it's spent. That includes passing on this trip that could cause your trip to Australia to be set back. You could explain this to her.


    The Dollar Stretcher Community Manager

  • Mon, Feb 11 2008 6:02 PM In reply to

    Re: My Best Friend Makes 4x's as much as I do

    Communicate, communicate, communicate.

    I am sure she will understand about your money worries and how important it is that you get to go to Australia with her this coming fall. But if you don't tell her, how will she know what is  going on with you?

    It is much like a husband and wife, we don't know what the other is thinking, unless we discuss it and then work out a plan to get to the ultimate goal, for you Australia.

    Just talk to her, let her know what is going in in your mind too.

    Let us know how it goes, OK?

    ...and may the Lord bless us, with all we need. AMEN
  • Mon, Feb 18 2008 4:04 PM In reply to

    Re: My Best Friend Makes 4x's as much as I do

    I agree that you need to come straight out and tell her you cant afford the LA trip right now, as you are saving for the bigger one in Australia. It sounds like you two are really good friends, but I wouldnt ask her for assistance for LA. I'm sure she wouldnt mind helping, that isn't the issue. Over time, that kind of thing could cause a breakdown. Just be firm and tell her as fun as it sounds, you better not go, but tell her to take plenty of pics, or call and tell you all about her trip when she returns!


  • Thu, Feb 21 2008 1:42 PM In reply to

    Re: My Best Friend Makes 4x's as much as I do

    You mention homemade meals for yourself.  Have you ever offered to have her over to your place more often (instead of going out) and cook her a homemade meal and have your own drinks?  This is a lot cheaper for you and a lot of people who live on eating out actually like to get "real" food, especially from a good cook.  And drinks taste just as good at home as they do out, but are 2-4 times less expensive.

    I agree that you need to tell your friend that you are going to have to tone down the expensive fun so you can save up for your big trip.  But also be very proactive in finding things around town that you guys can do together on the cheap.  Going to the farmer's market to pick out fresh food for the dinner you are going to cook can be fun.  And many museums in big cities like that have a discounted day once a week, or even a free one once a month.  Pack a lunch and go to the zoo.  Get on the mailing list of the local college for their art exhibits, lectures, and musical performances; they're usually quite cheap.  Since you are the one that needs cheap fun, take up the burden of finding things to do that are cheap. 

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