Grams, you posted a question about how kids of addicts grow up to be productive citizens, etc. I don't know about other people but for me there came a point where I just had to cut my dad out of my life. My mom and grandma were my rocks and kept me on the straight and narrow. I also had lots of therapy so that I could unload all my feelings with a confidential source. She, my therapist, was wonderful. I saw her for stretches of 6-12 months at a time during various times of growing up. Looking back I see now that as you mature you perceptions and feelings change so being as to revisit my therapist was very beneficial to me. I saw her when I was 12, 15, 18, 21, and 24. (Yes, there is a pattern! Though I don't know why. My mom pointed out.) I try to be open and honest about what happened so I will add that I have struggled with depression since childhood. And I probably always will but I'm okay with that. Now. I know the symptoms and I'm able to get help before it becomes a big obstacle. So I hope this at least gives a little insight from a kids perspective.

 Thank you Sunshinetreva!  Amira did ask if I had found her mom and I told her I wasn't sure of her exact location, but that I had a phone number we could call.  She said she wanted to do her homework first and would maybe call later.  She didn't bring it up again and neither did I.  I think her main concern was making sure her mom was safe.  

I am letting Amira set the boundaries in her relationship with her mother.  If she wants to see her mom, I will take her, but I will never take her to a jail or a penitentiary to visit.  And as before, all incoming mail will be censored.

 grame hang in there

I can't see any lying about what you're doing. You're trying to communicate at her age level without TMI. I spent much of my childhood in similarly unsettled circumstances. Difference between her and me is that I would hide, listen to the adults involved, and get the complete story, hence the childhood nickname and adult screen name.

 I don't think complete honesty is always called for. We have to temper our words. You are doing absolutely the right thing.

I am sorry you have to go through this. I think drugs are horrible, and I am mad that people sell them, make them, make profits off other's misery.

That said, do you have legal guardianship of dgd? Sounds like she trusts you, and you are doing right by keeping things age appropriate and to the level she can handle.

Prayers for you, sweetie.

Grame I'm so very very sorry you & GD are going through this. No you're not being too hard on DD, she needs to reach her bottom to realize that she needs help for her addiction and to hopefully stop. Unfortunately everyone's bottom is diffrent and from the sounds of it she just hasn't lost enough yet. Contact your local NA (Narcadiocs Ananmous) and see where you can start attending Nan Anon meetings (like Ala Non but for drug addicts) so that you can have support for yourself during times like this. Also see if there are Nan Atot/Nan Ateen meeting GD can attend so that she can see that she's not the only one who deals with an addicted parent. If there is no NA in your area call AA and start attending Ala Non meetings both AA and NA are in the phone book.

Found out the worst thing I could have learned last night.  I feel so devestated.  Sick in my heart, body and soul.  Just can't comprehend this.  Blood pressure so high, I'm dizzy.  Vomiting, the whole gamet.  If my oldest were to show up right now, I do believe I would be pushed to violence.

I can't breath knowing what she exposed my sweet baby to.  Any and all visitation is ended.  I will do whatever it takes to make sure my baby is never around her mother again.  I don't care if it takes every dime I have or if I have to go into debt.

I am so sorry to hear that.  unfortunately addicts don't care about anything else. 

Martha, the addict part of self doesn't care and sadly when surrendoring one's power to an addiction nothing else matters. There is always room and choice to change if/when wants to take that measure. Addictons are not a solo disease, they affect all those around the sufferer. I am truly very sorry to see 1. Grame's daughter so enthralled and quick sand in addiction and 2. the way her addictions are affecting her loved ones in return... NONE of them deserve any of this.

Grame, seperating yourself from your daughter and your GD from her is the wisest thing to do. Are you getting support for all this? Alnon? individual therapy? support groups?