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LYING!!!!!

Last post Mon, Mar 26 2012 11:03 AM by MarthaMFI. 34 replies.
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  • Tue, Mar 13 2012 11:02 AM

    • grame
    • Top 50 Contributor
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    • Joined on Tue, Feb 22 2011
    • Kingdom of Callaway
    • Posts 1,950

    LYING!!!!!

     Got some bad news early this morning, so I've already done my crying and now I'm waiting for a doctor to call me.  After I regained control, I had to sit my girl down for a talk, well, not really a talk, I sat her down to listen to my lies.  Youngest DD is in on the lies so we are on the same page, which is to protect GD.

    Here is the lie I told her;  "Baby, you know how your mom is on a lot of medicine?   Well yesterday afternoon she forgot she had already taken her medicine cause she wasn't feeling good, and she messed up and took it again.  And when she got sicker from that, it made her real sleepy and they think she may have taken a third dose so she had to be taken to the hospital."  At this point, some tears, lots of hugs, and some questions.

    Then some more lying, "Now honey, since your mom didn't take her medicine correctly, she might be in some trouble."  All she asked was how long mom was going to jail for this time.

    At this point I'm pretty sure the truth is that she got dropped during yesterday's visit to her PO, and knew she was going to come up dirty, so she tried to take what she perceived as the easy way out.  That is her pattern, create destruction and pain, then leave someone else to deal with the fallout.

    Now, before you call me cold or think I'm just being a B----h, I've been cleaning up her messes for over 15 years.  I have gotten her into too many rehabs to count, including long term.  I have put myself in horrendous debt, and have worked as many as three jobs at a time to help her.  She knew prior to her last incident that it was my last effort.  If she went back to drugging, I was finished.  She made the choice again and left her little girl asking why momma kept choosing drugs over her.

    I could kick myself!!!  Despite going through this over and over, I let down my guard.  When she got out last August, I let her have supervised visits with GD for awhile, then we moved up to unsupervised for a few hours, gradually increasing her times with GD.  I thought she was doing well, so had even let GD spend a few nights with her mom here and there.  The last one was on Saturday night.  I should have known better.  I shouldn't have let my heart override my brain.

    By writing this out, it has helped me.  Just trying to figure out how I am going to tell my mom who still believed in her.  I needed to talk this out to someone, as it is too raw and too painful to tell anyone else right now.  By this evening, I will call my bfs and one will be here in a flash.  We will probably walk down to the woods so I can cry, yell and scream and like always, she will be there to hug me and listen.  Need to focus on my blessings.  Sometimes life kicks the crap out of you so bad that all you can do is put one foot in front of the other and keep going.  Sometimes that is enough.

     

    I declare to you that woman must not depend upon the protection of man, but must be taught to protect herself, and there I take my stand. ~Susan B. Anthony
  • Tue, Mar 13 2012 12:50 PM In reply to

    Re: LYING!!!!!

    I am sorry you are having to go through this again, Grame. Big Hugs to you and GD. Drugs are a very evil thing and people do some really stupid stuff when they are on them. I am glad your GD has you in her life. Sometimes tough love is what is needed to help people get their lives straightened out. We had to do it with some family members years ago, thankfully it worked.

    Riley
  • Tue, Mar 13 2012 1:16 PM In reply to

    Re: LYING!!!!!

    That's really sad.  I hope you get through this with as little pain as possible (but that may still be quite a bit)

  • Tue, Mar 13 2012 1:17 PM In reply to

    • Jetamio
    • Top 150 Contributor
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    • Joined on Wed, Nov 9 2011
    • Colorado
    • Posts 296

    Re: LYING!!!!!

    Grame - I am so sorry for your pain.  I can't even imagine.  I hope you can find the peace you deserve with this.  As far as the lying, I think parents do the best they can for their children and sometimes it means giving them the information that is best for them at the time.  There were many years where I told my daughter what she could handle about her father.  When she got older and was ready, I told her more and more.  I believe in telling the truth but I also believe that we have to do what is best for the kids at that time.  That's exactly what you're doing and have done.  Do not beat yourself up over that!

    “Be the change you want to see in the world.” Mahatma Gandhi
  • Tue, Mar 13 2012 1:46 PM In reply to

    • babs
    • Top 10 Contributor
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    • Joined on Mon, Apr 2 2007
    • Vermont
    • Posts 10,988

    Re: LYING!!!!!

    So sorry, we had a foster daughter same type of Mother. It was hard but we did tell her the truth. I think that these kids know inside what is happening.  For her, it gave her the strength to say to her Mom, I love you but I dont want to live with you. I want to be adopted and have a normal family. Not easy, you are doing a great job with GD, keep it up, addictions are horrible things. You will know how and what to says to GD as she gets older. She is blessed to have you not a stranger caring for her. hugs, Babs
    Officially recognized Stretchpert in Prayer Circle
  • Tue, Mar 13 2012 1:50 PM In reply to

    Re: LYING!!!!!

    Grame, like the others, I am very sorry to hear about this.  I work with many students who have similar problems in their lives, and I commend you for taking such good care of your GD.  As hard as it is, and as little as others may understand, NOT giving your DD a way out is the best thing you can do.
  • Tue, Mar 13 2012 2:06 PM In reply to

    • Brandy
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    • Joined on Wed, Mar 28 2007
    • Saving in South Mississippi
    • Posts 25,145

    Re: LYING!!!!!

    How old is your granddaughter, Grame?

    How is your daughter doing? It's sad that she is throwing away the best things in her life for her addiction.

    The Dollar Stretcher Community Manager



  • Tue, Mar 13 2012 2:07 PM In reply to

    • MarthaMFI
    • Top 10 Contributor
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    • Joined on Wed, Apr 16 2008
    • New Westminster, BC, Canada
    • Posts 10,850

    Re: LYING!!!!!

    I am sorry to hear you in such pain.  You have done what you can for your daughter.  It is up to the person to change.  Your granddaughter will understand  better when she is older.  You can't tell the whole truth to kids, not fair to her.    I have friends in similar situations. It is never easy.

    This is the reason my kids don't know  my father, he made his choices so I will not cause my children the same pain he caused us.  

    Officially recognized Stretchpert in Hobbies and Crafts
  • Tue, Mar 13 2012 2:51 PM In reply to

    • grame
    • Top 50 Contributor
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    • Joined on Tue, Feb 22 2011
    • Kingdom of Callaway
    • Posts 1,950

    Re: LYING!!!!!

    Brandy:

    How old is your granddaughter, Grame?

    How is your daughter doing?

     

    She turned 10 last month.  My oldest talked to her younger sister this morning, and I think she is oblivious to how close she came.  Our hospital  had here taken by copter to a nearby metro hospital.  My granddaughter is aware of her mom's situation as she has spent her life visiting mom in mental wards and rehabs.  She also knows her mom has stole a lot to support her drug habit, but she does not know the other things her mom did and I pray she never learns.

    My sister went to mom and explained what had happened, and mom said she suspected something was going on, because one of the signs is when DD goes into her hoarder mentality and the filth builds up and by the company she begins keeping.  Mom said her apartment was filthy again.  Actually, until Amira was three, her mom had her part time, but one day I picked her up, and because of the filth and some of the people I saw there, I just never took GD home again.  Yes, her mom called and said she was calling the cops, to which I told her to go ahead.  I would not have been the one going to jail.  She mentioned a short time ago she was thinking about trying to regain custody and I told her that I didn't think any legal aide lawyer could stand up to my pit bull of a lawyer.  My checkbook is bigger.

    I can't believe I was stupid enough to believe that this time she was actually going to do right.  DH had even been talking about having her come out for a bar-b-que or an afternoon.  Stupid me, I even paid for some medicine she needed a few weeks ago.  We were even beginning to talk about some things that weren't directly related to Amira.  

    This is the one subject me and the ex agree on.  We can not figure out how our daughters can be so different.  I get agrevated with the youngest sometimes, but she is such a responsible young woman and so dedicated to her family.  Just can't figure it out.

    Thanks for listening to me.  Think I'm going out to dig in the dirt for awhile.  That always makes me feel better.

    I declare to you that woman must not depend upon the protection of man, but must be taught to protect herself, and there I take my stand. ~Susan B. Anthony
  • Tue, Mar 13 2012 3:17 PM In reply to

    Re: LYING!!!!!

    karenteacher:
    Grame, like the others, I am very sorry to hear about this.  I work with many students who have similar problems in their lives, and I commend you for taking such good care of your GD.  As hard as it is, and as little as others may understand, NOT giving your DD a way out is the best thing you can do.
     

    Grame like karenteacher said you do your best just be there for the gd

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