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Grandparents Raising Grandchildren

Last post Fri, Mar 4 2011 9:48 PM by MarthaMFI. 4 replies.
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  • Mon, Feb 28 2011 12:54 PM

    • grame
    • Top 50 Contributor
      Female
    • Joined on Tue, Feb 22 2011
    • Kingdom of Callaway
    • Posts 1,950

    Grandparents Raising Grandchildren

     Would really like to hear from others in this situation.  There might be some variations in how we got here but the end result is that more & more grandparents are raising grandkids.  For us it was the best decision we ever made.  She brings us such joy and love.   Because of something she says or does, I laugh out loud everyday. 

    Then there is the flip side.  She didn't come with a trust fund which means taking things easier or early retirement went out the window.  It isn't just the financial hardships, its the socialization.   Friends my age have empty nests and have grandkids that just come visit leaving them with time to do what they want.  I don't really fit in with her friends moms either because of the age difference.  

    Don't get me started on the schools.   i've got at least an hour of homework supervision each night!  On top of that, our school has "math night & science night" every two weeks whch is "an opportunity for involved parents to learn skills to enhance your child's educational future".  In other words, I get guilted into these sessions because I'm terrified she will resent me because I was old & didn't have the energy to do it all.

     Any other frustrated grams & gramps out there?

    I declare to you that woman must not depend upon the protection of man, but must be taught to protect herself, and there I take my stand. ~Susan B. Anthony
  • Mon, Feb 28 2011 7:07 PM In reply to

    • gayla50
    • Top 10 Contributor
      Female
    • Joined on Mon, Sep 24 2007
    • Western North Carolina
    • Posts 8,491

    Re: Grandparents Raising Grandchildren

    we arent raising our Grandchildren but they live here on our land ..  and 1 son has custody of his children and he lives at home ... 

    it is such a joy to have them with us we still have children in the home with two girls 15 and 1 boy 12 . it is such a blessing for us .

    I honestly cant thing how it would be to have an empty nest ... for us its a long long time away

    Gayla

    Officially Recognized Stretchpert in Frugal Food and Cooking and in Slow Cooker Foods



    Purpose is what gives life a meaning
  • Tue, Mar 1 2011 12:14 PM In reply to

    Re: Grandparents Raising Grandchildren

    grame:
    Would really like to hear from others in this situation. 
    First...THANK YOU for taking in grandkids who must have needed it. Like you said, there are variations on how it happens but it's not usually because the parents are in a good place in their lives. I'm not in your exact situation but did have my godson for 2 years in his teens when his own family was unable to care for him. It was shocking to me, always having been single and childless (foot loose and fancyfree as they say) to suddenly have all those school obligations, discipline, and have to provide food for what appeared to be a black hole. I don't regret a minute as he is growing up to be a great young man and added a great deal of joy to my life. I was really clear with him what I could and could not (or even would/would not) do. E.g....he got one ride a week to/from a friend's house. He had to take the bus if he wanted to go more than that. I cooked healthy meals at home that he was expected to eat. Once a month we went out to eat. His friends are from families that spend spend spend, and as much as I was happy to take him in, I was not going to bankrupt myself or compromise my retirement to do it. His friends are from "rich" (or at least "spendthrift") families but he didn't seem to resent the relative poverty of not having cable, not going to every single event at the school. I have a coworker who at 65 years old had bought an RV to travel the states and see his 12 kids (including foster kids, step kids, etc) and many grandkids when suddenly he got a call from a social service agency in another state that his long lost daughter had lost custody of a 3 year old, a set of 18 month old twins, and a newborn. he and his wife sold the RV, kept working and are now raising the 4 kids. They have plenty of experience with kids but it took them quite a while to adjust to the idea that "retirement" may not be in the cards for them. They do as much as they can without compromising their health. I wish you the best with your family and really appreciate what you're doing.
  • Tue, Mar 1 2011 12:44 PM In reply to

    • grame
    • Top 50 Contributor
      Female
    • Joined on Tue, Feb 22 2011
    • Kingdom of Callaway
    • Posts 1,950

    Re: Grandparents Raising Grandchildren

     Thank you both for the encouragement.  I live more in the moment & least I'm never bored!

    I declare to you that woman must not depend upon the protection of man, but must be taught to protect herself, and there I take my stand. ~Susan B. Anthony
  • Fri, Mar 4 2011 9:48 PM In reply to

    • MarthaMFI
    • Top 10 Contributor
      Female
    • Joined on Wed, Apr 16 2008
    • New Westminster, BC, Canada
    • Posts 10,850

    Re: Grandparents Raising Grandchildren

    I think it is great that grandparents step up to care for the grandkids.   I don''t have grandkids..older parents with young kids but I have friends who are raising grandkids.  my friend would like to be just the grandma but her son is dead and the mother is responsilble for the child having all the mental and physical problems so no contact here.   it is hard on her since she is single too and all the extra costs above the normal costs of raising a child.

    my friend has (adopted) a young child, watches her grandkids and has foster babies.  she has lots of support though I always said you have 5 kids under 5 with you and they are quieter then one of mine lol

    Officially recognized Stretchpert in Hobbies and Crafts
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