A reader asks this question:

My husband and i stayed overnight with a new friend and she cooked and really made our stay enjoyable.  
When we left, we left a thank you card with $20.00. she was insulted, was i wrong?
 

What do you think? Was it bad manners? 

The thank you card was good manners.   The money, while well intended, could have been seen as payment for services rather than part of the thank you, and smacks of lack of effort to choose something personal for a hostess gift.  I have had lots of people stay over and bring small gifts, buy me a meal out, leave cards, etc. - but I don't know that I would respond well to what amounts to cash.  A gift card for something the person enjoys and wouldn't usually splurge on is a little borderline, but better, in my opinion, than cash or a cash card.  I know others will have different opinions - but that's the way I was taught as a child, that a gift should show thoughtfulness and time invested, not be the easiest option, which is how I see cash and cash cards, and to a certain extent, gift cards as well.

Yeah, next time maybe a bottle of wine, an interesting spice, an herb plant or anything kitchen-y and a hand-written thank you note would be well-received.  It's hard to respond to cash as a hostess gift...Liz.

 I think the "cash" may be what insulted her, not the gesture.  In the future, you might want to pick up a gift card to a favorite store or perhaps arrange to send her flowers with a nice personal note or something after you have left.  Everyone likes to see their efforts appreciated, maybe just try a different approach.

I agree that a small gift or gift card would have had been less likely to be misinterpreted. Maybe a cash gift can be accompanied with a card that says "I would have taken you out for dessert as a thank-you, but we just ran out of time this visit! Instead, please take you and your sweetie out for fancy coffee or dessert on us and enjoy the time."

 Some people will find cash a problem regardless, so it just pays (ha!) to know your audience.