Hi ... My answer is to take 'one-day-at-a-time', because if I look forward too far, the whole situation becomes much too over-whelming. While I do not think of a 60 year old lady as 'aging', my mother has had various cancers over the past seven years, starting from ovarian, along with various operations due to metastasizing, and will now remain 'terminally' rated. On Monday, we will visit the colon specialist and arrange another surgery.

We hired 'Merry Maids' to visit monthly, have calendars and charts to keep our lives in order, have the same cell-phone 'family' plan and talk daily (or more), and these past two-years her husband has finally been taking over day-to-day care. She lives at home still and plans to pass there, too. At year three, she had all her affairs taken care of and paid for, so her mind is at ease and we now know her wishes at the end. 

I have friendly-relationships with her main medical 'team', keep copies of all records on-hand and have all the specialist phone numbers on speed-dial.  

I wish I could say I don't have any experience in this subject especially only being 38 years of age however I can't say that.  Long story short- I have 1 sister- with muscular dystrophy.  My mother is in her 70's and my father passed away when I was 18 with the same form of MD.  I realize that when things happen I am the one that my mother and sister look to for advice and help with dealing with the situation.  I am fortunate enough to have some knowledge and resources in that I am a nurse.  First of all when it comes to your husbands feelings- you need to be somewhat respectful of them.  You don't have to agree however it is something that your parents would undoubtedly want you to consider.  Maybe visit with him as to why he feels this way so it will help you understand better.  Explain you aren't against his feelings- it could be an agree to disagree situation however you need to have that knowledge.  I have learned that many times there are situations that resulted in feelings and actions.  In my situation I have decided that after having felt my own childhood was sacrificed for the sake of disease I don't want that same thing to happen to my own children.  I also watched my parents marriage and my mothers life being threatened by disease I don't wish the same thing for myself or my own mariage. 

With that being said- I'm not saying that ruling out any options is out of the question.  The one word of advice that I would say is don't rule anything out and don't say to your parents the statement that some kids make "I will never place you in a facility."  What I told my mother and sister is "I won't promise you that I will never have to place you in a nursing facility however I do promise that no matter what happens you will be taken care of."  Studies show and I will vouch that family involvement is huge when it comes to the care of a loved one.  Sit down with your parents- your brother and yourself and have a heart to heart.  It may be that you will relieve some stress that both parents have.  It is wise and easier to have a power of attorney drafted up legally before you need that critical document.  Make decisions as a family.  It doesn't sound like a power of attorney is needed to be put into action just yet however I would recommend drafting up the paperwork.  Unless your father isn't able to mentally make decisions on his health care decisions the physicians will have to listen to his wishes. 

Caring for elderly and aging parents and family isn't something that is fun.  It can be very stressful on all parties.  Finding out their wishes and visiting with them now while they are still able to express their wishes is very important and can help ease the stress down the road.  Find out their wishes on life-sustaining measures.  It isn't an easy discussion to have however it is something that in the end you will be greatful to know their wishes.  Good luck and just know you aren't alone in this. 

 My Mother died in 1980 from cancer.  My father remarried in 1981.  His wife and he had excellent health up until 5 years ago when he had a major heart attack.  This meant he could no longer travel to Florida as a snowbird.  My younger sister lives in Calgary where my Father and Step Mum lived.  She took care of everything as the other 3 children(myself included) of my Dad's family lived further afield.  She also had POA.

Long story short, my Father moved into a nursing home last September  in the assisted living part and my Step Mum was in the independant part.  On Mother's Day Dad died from a major stroke suffered 2 days previous.  Step mum is fine and has no major illnesses or conditions.  She has 4 adult children of her own who keep close tabs on her too.

I never actually thought I would live to be beyond 49 as that was the age my Mum died at.  I am now coming up to 53 and give my own adult children (2 daughters) grey hairs. LOL.  I have learnt to ride a maxi scooter, crashed one and survived, divorced and  generally am living a life full of surprises and fun.  I take each day as it comes and are very thankful that I have 2 daughters with whom I get on very well and love dearly to bits.  I have 1dearly loved  son in law and the other is a boyfriend to my youngest daughter but a lovely guy.  I could not ask for better fellas than  what my daughters picked.

I hope to be that woman skidding into the grave, late as usual, saying whoa , what a ride!!!

Hugs Sally.