My money tape? Being poor is something to be proud of. My Dad was a factory worker, my mom stayed home. They both worked very hard to provide everything we needed and more. We have a very prestigious private college locally. I was able to live at home and work full-time while attending college. The students there were of substantial means and treated locals with disdain. This hardened my “proud to be poor” status.
I am now an adult and my husband works very hard and has been able to provide some things that not everyone else in our circle/community has. I find myself embarrassed to have those things. As my husband points out, we are by no means wealthy. Somehow, I feel disloyal to my family by having more. Help!
Autumn
Autumn's response is very understandable. As a young adult she's working hard to afford a private college. The vast majority of the students come from wealthy families. They look down on people like Autumn. She's faced with a choice.
She can decide that the other students are right. Money is the measure of a person's worth. So the best thing that anyone can do is to accumulate wealth.
Autumn chose the other path. She rejected their view. In fact, she went the exact opposite way. A person should be proud to be poor.
But, you'll notice that both views have the same underlying belief. That possessions determine how valuable a person is.
That pride that started in college still plays out in Autumn's life today. And, it's causing discomfort. So what can she do that will allow her to be comfortable with her current finances?
The first thing is probably to recognize that money and possessions don't determine a person's worth. We're not better people because we have money. Or because we don't have money. It might help if Autumn can think of people that she values and respects. Some are probably better off financially. And, others are not so well off materially.
She can also look at the flip side. She probably can name both wealthy and poor people who are mean and not nice.
Ideally Autumn can see herself as being a valuable human being regardless of her possessions. Recognizing her worth is intrinsic, part of who she is and not what she has.
Finally, a thought about 'disloyalty'. There's nothing disloyal about accumulating wealth. As long as it isn't used to drive friends and family away. We've all met people who use their wealth to 'lord it over' or impress other people. Generally we don't like them. But, nothing says that we have to become that person. In fact, if we value people for who they are, it's unlikely that we'll use money to manipulate them.
Do you have an interesting Money Tape playing in your head? You're not alone. We all learn by sharing our experiences. Please send your Money Tape by email and we'll include as many as we can in future issues.
