How to Crush My Husband's Soul - Live Like a Mensch
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Live Like a Mensch

How to Crush My Husband's Soul


Photo from this car sale ad

This morning, my husband called and asked if I would drive a cop car if he bought it.  We have joked in the past that refurbished cop cars would make excellent family vehicles, in that they already have a fiberglass window separating the front seat from the back.  Thinking that he was joking, I said sure.

He then emailed me the sale ad.  I scratched my head looking at it, since the 1992 Mercury Grand Marquis with a Ford grille swapout and recenly installed T-45 Cobra 5-speed manual transmission did not look like a cop car to me.  It also was not awesome in any of the ways I normally define the word.  I called J back.

"Isn't it great?  Want to drive to Chicago this weekend?" he asked.

"That's not a cop car," I said.  "It doesn't look anything like a Crown Victoria."

"It's an undercover police car," he said.  "It's like the one the Blues Brothers drove.  Want to buy it?"

"No," I said.  "Although we could drive it while wearing black fedoras, ties, and sunglasses.  Through a mall."

"I knew you'd come around," J said.  "So we'll replace your car with this one."

"Not going to happen."

I had thought J was joking about this, but I could hear his soul compress as it was crushed under the weight of my NO.

Later today, he sent me a link to the new They Might Be Giants video wherein that oh-so-ironic band makes a pink monster truck hearse out of cardboard and then crushes it.  When I let him know that this, too, would not be my next car, this was his email response:

"Today you have said no to.

  1. The Bluesmobile
  2. A monster truck pink hearse
I just don't know you anymore."

These are the marital problems that the rabbi just doesn't prepare you for.

Published Jan 10 2012, 04:46 PM by Emily Guy Birken
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Live Like a Mensch said:

You may have read this recent report that Americans are keeping their cars for longer than ever, and

February 22, 2012 11:46 AM

Live Like a Mensch said:

Photo courtesy of respres Across the street from our house is a foreclosed home. We actually got a chance

May 30, 2012 5:03 PM

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